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What is your opinion/suggestions:

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2005 Mar. ~ 2005 May: Free Expression... (ARCHIVES): What is your opinion/suggestions: users admin

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Archive through February 16, 2005Denecee25 02-16-05  12:51 pm
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Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 12:54 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I agree pcakes. I think my sis and bil are making some bad choices. The irony is they are trying so hard to be the best parents possible.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 12:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I also think a parent can teach a kid so much when that kid is not getting their way. They can teach them some valuable life lessons, like life is not always fair and how to deal with feelings when you are upset. That's not to say you should purposefully (is that a word?) make a kid upset...

Pcakes2
Member

08-29-2001

Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 1:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I totally agree Julie. ***NewsFlash*** Life is unfair sometimes. Deal with it!

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 1:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Amen!!!
and i have been known to purposely set up a situation so a lesson can be learned.

Kristylovesbb
Member

09-14-2000

Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 10:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I can speak a little on this subject. My mother raised my sister and I in a similar fashion. Whenever I went anywhere or was invited by friends for sleep overs, skating, movies, whatever, my sister had to go with me or I could not go. Whenever I received new clothes and toys I had to share with her. If she got into any trouble while with me I got punished because I was the oldest and should have prevented it. When I started to date she was allowed to date a year earlier than I was so she and her date could go with me. End result, I grew up resenting my sister tremendously and did not have a relationship with her for many many many years. I was cordial to her but never called her just to talk or went shopping with her or any other sisterly things. We have a pretty good relationship now but we missed a lot of years because of the resentment I felt towards her.

Twinkie
Member

09-24-2002

Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 4:46 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I have felt a lot of resentment towards my sister most of my life and not the least of which was because of my only child. My sister and her hubby had 2 girls and when they went on very elaborate and expensive vacations (which I never could afford to do being a single parent) not once did they ask my daughter to go with them. They always took their girls friends. And they paid for everything. Not the kid's parents so money wasn't the issue. At Christmas her kids got so many toys there was no way I could spend as much on my daughter, so it was always a time of let down for my child. That's just one of the things I will never forgive her for. Those cousins could grow much closer to their relatives if given the chance to spend more time with them. One at a time if need be. JMHO.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 6:16 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
That is so sad, Twinkie. I feel very lucky that my cousins and aunt don't feel that kind of resentment towards my mom and me. We were, and are still very close, but except for one skiing trip with the cousin closest to my age, I always took a friend with me when we traveled. We weren't the exact same age (although now that age difference isn't such a big deal) and they had their own friends.

Ddr
Member

08-19-2001

Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 6:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I agree Tex. My brother and his family go skiing every Mardi Gras and to Destin every July, but I've never felt like they should include my son. And he has never felt left out. He loves them because they're his family, not for what they can provide him. And I can guarantee you, if given a choice, he would bring a friend and not one of them on a trip, lol. That's just being a kid.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 6:28 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Yep, except for when my cousins got stuck on vacation with their other grandmother for the whole summer, they never thought about including me! LOL
But we also did other things together. Every Tuesday, my dad was out of town on business, so we all got together for dinner. My little brother hated those nights cause it was all girls and him! LOL

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 10:14 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My family is/was too big and going in different directions to try to plan gatherings and outings and stuff. We would have 1 cookout a year for everyone who was able to attend, like a family reunion but that was about it. And we were all poor so no resentment luckilly.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 1:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Wow, I hope this isn't an issue when my dd is older. Since sis and I have kids that are only a year apart, we are already talking about the future when we can take them to Disneyland, etc. all in one trip. All the parents, everything. I think it would be funner together. But also, when you are only taking friends, that is one thing, but when you include other family, be careful not to exclude other cousins, etc. When you take family, it is a "Family Vacation" and that changes it a bit, dont you think?

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 1:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Oh, I agree, Escapee. Family vacations are family only. Did lots of those with my whole extended family. But if my nuclear fam took a vacation and said I could bring a friend, it never even occured to me to take my cousins.
Same now. We do tons of stuff together as a family and have gone on trips together, but I don't take my nephews with me when I go on a trip with just my little family.

Llkoolaid
Member

08-01-2001

Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 2:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I have lots of Neices and Nephews and I think just about every vacation I have taken one of them. When it was the older 3 I didn't so much but Hilary is so much younger than her brother and sisters that she is almost like an only child. I have tried the friend thing and it isn't great because they tend to get homesick and sometimes misbehave because they think they can. I prefer to take a neice or nephew for a few reasons, number one being they are all close to me and never get homesick because I am family. They know my rules and know just how much they can get away with and also know that I have no problem deciplining them just as I would my own, and they know it is no good to complain to their parents cause they know that Mom and Dad will agree with me. I take turns with them, and have no problems. Hilary has 4 cousins that are close in age and they are close as playmates too so maybe that is why it is so easy for me. I would never think of taking a friend when I have neices and nephews who can't always afford to go. Truthfully, bringing someone else along isn't for Hilary, it is for me to keep her out of my hair. I do the picking.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 2:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Maybe it's different when your family is smaller or lives in the same vicinity? I don't know. So far we haven't had a 'family' vacation. Their cousins may have or may not have had ones, I don't know. But when we do go on our vacation which I'm hoping for around turkey day, I'm only taking them. But they have 2 twin cousins that come to their birthday parties or other get togethers. They are a boy and girl. There are lots of times when we've had sleepovers or going to a sporting event or just coming over for the afternoon to play where it's only been the boy cousin and the girl cousin hangs out with other family or friends. No problems.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 2:34 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Dang I think I lost the point I was trying to make and now I can't remember. Sorry it's been a long day lol.

Llkoolaid
Member

08-01-2001

Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 2:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
lol Mocha, thats ok, it has been a long day.

I want to add to my previous post. It doesn't matter if you take extra kids, if they are friends or family or if you go out and rent them off the corner. Do whatever works for you the parent. You are the one footing the bill, doing the driving and dealing with the kids, so whatever makes it easier for you is what is important because the kids will have a better time if you are less stressed and a lot more relaxed. Don't feel you owe family to take their kids or you owe your kids to take their friends, do what makes it easier for you. You have to find a balance, your kids being happy and you being relaxed is what is important and you are not going to have one without the other.

Racsan
Member

04-09-2004

Sunday, February 20, 2005 - 2:46 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I also want to know at what time do you teach kids that life isn't fair, and you can't have everything the same as other kids. Not letting the kids stay at an aunt's house one at a time? That is totally different than a big trip that might not be able to be afforded to take the other kids on at another time. To me that's just the parents not wanting to put up with whining while the other kid is doing something fun. Sorry, but that's what is wrong with alot of kids, and teens, these days. They get things handed to them and things smoothed over so their feelings are not hurt when they are younger, and then they expect it as they get older, and even as adults. I know it's hard to know when to start saying no to kids, but if you wait until they are 4 or 5, that's when you get the super tantrums that last until 8, 9, 10, or even later. As it was said before, kids are alot smarter than parents let them be.

At Christmas her kids got so many toys there was no way I could spend as much on my daughter, so it was always a time of let down for my child. That's just one of the things I will never forgive her for.

So your sister should have checked with you before she bought her kids presents? She shouldn't buy her kids presents because you didn't have the money to buy as many? Unless there is more to the story, I'm sorry, I disagree.

My 2 closest cousins [same family] were 6 months and 1year 6 months younger than me. We were inseparable. They were rich, we were poor. They got tons of presents for Christmas, I got few. But I was happy as could be, my toys got played with extensively, theirs were played with once or twice and were left on a shelf, and they asked for new toys. I was never disappointed that they got more than me. And even with my brother and sister, we never got exactly the same number of presents, nor did my folks make sure that they spent exactly the same amount on us. We got what we really wanted. We played with what we got, and we weren't jealous of each other. My folks would always explain that we got what we asked for, and the number of presents or the costs of presents wasn't what mattered. What mattered is we liked what we were given. Oh, and amazingly, we weren't the kind of kids that had a 6 page Christmas list.

You never heard us kids whining at the store for stuff. We'd ask once, if Mom or Dad said no, we knew it was no. We didn't get whipped or yelled at or abused in any way. We were just raised that no meant no, Mom and Dad were boss and knew best, and that we could talk to our folks about anything. We were close to our parents and did not hate them or feel upset at them because other kids had more than we did, and we all turned out pretty well, and our kids act like we did. No psychological babble from us, we raise our kids as our parents raised us, on the straight and narrow, and are honest with our kids. Kids need to learn to share, need to realize that life isn't fair, and all isn't about "fair and unfair". You make the most of life with what you are given. We might have grown up poor by societies standards, but we had total unconditional love in our house, and we were the richest kids on the block.

Schoolmarm
Member

02-18-2001

Sunday, February 20, 2005 - 3:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Great post, Rascan!

one of my mottos is "Life isn't fair...the sooner you get used to that, the happier you will be."

And "FAIR" isn't the same as "THE SAME or EQUAL"

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Sunday, February 20, 2005 - 4:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Ditto Rascan and Marm!!!!

Ladytex
Member

09-27-2001

Sunday, February 20, 2005 - 6:36 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Rascan, fabulous post! you were the richest kids on the block and I bet your kids are too.

Seamonkey
Member

09-07-2000

Sunday, February 20, 2005 - 9:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I'm in agreement with the last several posts.

Gifts from relatives are lovely to get but should never ever be just expected.. and it doesn't matter if they have more resources.. those are their resources, IMO..

Our cousins were so much older than we were and never lived close so that was never an issue at all. We took both grandmothers (both were widowed) on our summer vacations.

We often got to bring friends places we went, like the circus or theatre.. my dad often would grab a whole line of neighborhood kids and we'd walk up to the drugstore and come back eating drumsticks!!

My mom was quite fond of having us learn young that life isn't fair. I can't remember being forced to bring my brother everywhere but I had to live with the fact that sometimes my younger girl friend was at a stage where she might rather play cowboys with my brother.. oh well.

My parents were actually more well off than anyone else on our block (mostly due to being thrifty) but we didn't get the raft of toys that most of the kids got. Not that we were going without; we were just fine!