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Transition From Younger to Older--Wha...

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2005 Mar. ~ 2005 May: Transition From Younger to Older--What Does it Mean to You? users admin

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Lancecrossfire
Moderator

07-13-2000

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 3:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I hope anyone who has their own thoughts on this subject is willing to share them. What if our thoughts provide even 1 thing of value to someone that they otherwise would not have gotten? We all grow older—what do we get from it?

Every once in awhile I seem to come up with a topic I throw around in my mind for awhile with some concern/energy. This time around it is the transition from being younger to getting older. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to my perceptions of how I see (and saw) life as I’ve aged. What is wonderful about it is matching up a lot of things with what I was told when I was younger—all the things older people would say about getting older. Some I paid attention to and some I did not. As it turns out, some things have had a greater affect on how I see life than other things have had. Some are a surprise, and some are not.

I’ve worked hard at remembering things as I’ve gotten older—to not let myself forget the previous years, what they were like, how I felt, such things as that.

Being a young kid, the things that I remember the strongest is how time went along—that it seemed like a couple of hours took a long time to pass—and a week felt like an eternity. I remember wanting to learn about life—not just what was in school, but about how to succeed in life outside of books. I remember as a young child that I didn’t think anything was my fault—it was always because of someone or something else that I made choices that got me in trouble. I remember the energy I had—it felt unlimited, and wondered how older people didn’t have the same thing going on—how could they want to just sit and do what seemed like nothing. I saw people that were out of shape—I took it for granted that they had to really try to do that to themselves.

During my early teen years, I started thinking about time and how it went a little quicker—a day seemed to go by a bit faster. A week was sure a long time though. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to be, and I also made a big jump from not taking responsibility for my actions and words to doing so all the time. I have my dad to thank for that. I also started thinking about the issue of doing my best in everything I did. Again, my dad. I didn’t have to be the best at anything—just give my best. I spent a lot of time looking at myself—seeing who I was and if I was ok with that. I worked at figuring out religion. That was a biggie for me—not because I thought it was—but because I was told it was. Religion seemed to be very important to all types of people. I loved sports—most any type of sports. I was involved with them related to school and outside of school (little league baseball for instance). I never concerned myself that my parents never went to any games of anything I did. They said they supported me and listened when I told them how things were going. That worked for me because I played for me—not for their approval. In those years, a parent wasn’t judged on how many games they attended or missed, and kids played because they wanted to—not because they wanted to see their parents at every event.

At 13, I went to Hawaii for a month with my sister and brother-in-law. He was from there, so we stayed with various family members of his. I learned a lot that summer in a month. I learned the time flew by for the whole month—and that had never happened like that before. I learned to talk about philosophy a lot—to talk about what I wanted out of life. My brother-in-law had an uncle that was a chef. We stayed at his place foe a few days, and I always wandered into the kitchen to talk to him. He talked to me even though I was a kid—maybe because I was talking about adult things, or maybe because he liked kids—at the time I didn’t try to figure it out—I just enjoyed his company. I would help him with things while he was cooking—and I learned a lot about food and about the things in the kitchen. I also learned about myself from the dialogs we had. Yes, time went by way too fast when we stayed with him.

I was a meat and potato person up till then—my father was a meat cutter, and mom made basic comfort food. But staying with family—basically living as anyone else there, I was introduced to all sorts of new stuff. Rice, different fruits, a lot of fish (cooked and not cooked). I found out that some of his family spoke Portuguese as their first language. I never did pick it up—they were kind enough to speak English—although it was very broken.

During my mid teen years, time went by a little quicker yet. The biggest thing I noticed was how fast weekends went by, with school coming all too soon, and summers flew by. The school year drug on, even though I liked school. At the age of 15, I created my own religion—Baileyism. I had worked through the religion thing. There were just too many things I couldn’t accept. I couldn’t figure out how just about every world religion thought they were right over the other religions. I couldn’t figure out how more people had died in wars in the name of god (or a god) than in wars for all other reasons combined. I couldn’t figure out how people could be looked at as being inferior based on color, or religion (oh how I would come to experience this one in the coming years), gender, age or anything else, and in some cases, religion appeared to promote this (later I’d come to realize it was the people who used religion to promote this).

I set up my own rules for myself—created something that related to my ethics—my way of thinking about myself and the world. I still operate by the same set of rules today. Before I took philosophy in college, I didn’t realize that a religion is basically a big set of rules to live life by. My rules provided for no reward. There was nothing at the end (based on my beliefs) that got me anything for living life a certain way. I picked what I thought was right—the best thing to do. My way was right only for me—I wasn’t about to say I was right for anyone else. Being 15, of course I felt that everyone was already doing that in every way—not just religion.

An important part of my life was competing—and competition. But I was sorely mistaken what it was all about. I was into winning—although anyone who competes is into winning. But I was only worried about winning—I didn’t think there was anything else to competition. I had a huge lesson to learn.

This time period was high school—from 15 to 18. My life consisted pretty much of sports and of school—although later on a girl would come into the picture—and she would be my first wife. Time passed a bit quicker for me—at this age though it wasn’t at the front of my mind like it was when I was younger—and would be when I got much older. I liked school when it wasn’t cool to like school. I was a decent student and a decent athlete—I had to work at both though. I started to realize that when I completed I wanted to learn as much as I wanted to win. I realized that I could respect my opponent when they beat me because they were better—for I wanted the same from them. I thought that football was the greatest sport there was. I equated football to life in so many ways. The whole team thing—the whole team being greater than the sum of the parts. I saw that the greatest rewards went to those who were the best—not the ones who tried their hardest. That was ok though—because all I could control was how I did. And by doing my best, I was offering the team all I had.

School—I loved it. I wanted to learn as much as I could. I took the most challenging classes the school would let me take. I did home work every night after whatever practice I had till I went to bed. Off and on over the years, TV had been a big part of my life—I loved TV. But in high school there just wasn’t the time.

Speaking of TV—the show that had the biggest impact on me was Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In. They used comedy to point out the crappy things going on in life. They had 2 serious moments on that show—one I still remember. Dan Rowan was dressed in a uniform and did a skit. They played a song that was “when I was 17, it was a very good year”. They focused on the ages just before going to war, during war and after war. I cried watching it—I was a tough teen age guy who was crying at something serious on an otherwise very funny show. It wasn’t till later I’d come to fully realize why I was crying. It bothered me. Not because of the whole war thing—but because I was crying and didn’t know why—and because I was a teenager. My dad didn’t explain it to me. He said nothing. He was usually pretty tough on me—one of those “I’ll give you something to cry about” types. But he said nothing to me.

Before going on, I don’t want anyone to think I didn’t get in trouble now and then—I wasn’t this kid that was picture perfect. But many of the actions I’m leaving out aren’t a big picture thin—just trying to cover that kind of stuff.

I find myself becoming a bit of a cynic at this time. As time goes forward along with my advancing years, this seems to have only increased—more on the cynic issue later.

As a senior in high school, I find myself having extremely strong feelings for my girl friend—she becomes my focus along with school and with sports. I know this is the person I want to marry. I decide to go into the Army after HS, although will go to one term of college so I know what I’m getting myself into after the Army. For a number of years I’ve believed it is important to give service to one’s country. It just so happens that as I become 18, we are involved in the Viet Nam war. Yes, I know—it was a conflict technically. But in reality, we were at war. I get married before having to go to basic training. I chose a job in the Army that I thought would be 1) challenging, 2) interesting, 3) something I’d never get to do any place else, and 3) something along my science nature.

What I didn’t know till after the fact was that my job taught me much more about humans than anything I would experience for a very long time. I learned about limitations—about what people would do and not do based on concerns of death. I did not go to Nam—although ended up knowing a lot of people who did. I saw what this new kind of war did to them—with a higher news reporting profile, many who didn’t support the war, and in doing so blamed the soldier who was there. I see exposures to agent orange. I see the affects on what happens to a human when they see things, do things, and have things done to them that the human brain wasn’t supposed to have to go through. Wiping out a village because you can’t tell the good guy from the bad guy—and doing nothing gets you killed. Having little children shoot at you. Having camera crews in your face. Having a government you supported say that agent orange doesn’t hurt you. That PTSD isn’t real—that it’s all a fake thing.

Did I mention I’m becoming more a more a cynic? But I’m too young to be a cynic—or at least I should be too young. I also learned that technicians don’t belong in the Army—that if you want to be in a technical field, go into the Air Force. I learned how a nuclear and thermonuclear warhead works—about design, about what can go wrong with them, and how to fix them. I learned what such munitions would really be used for (at least some of them that the Army has). I learned that in reality we will never be the first to use them again—because with others having them as well, we risk world annihilation. I learned what it takes for one of these things to work—and what it takes to get one to a point where you can deploy it. Trust me—unless it’s an inside job, the terrorist wouldn’t be able to get anything to go off except a bunch of high explosives—and they have those. Of course it would be bad form to lose one or have one taken.

I’m now in my early 20’s. I’m out of the Army, I’m working and I’m going to school. I also have a family. Time goes by a bit quicker these days. So much to do—so little time to do it in. I’m working 52 hours a week, going to school full time and as I come to find out, it’s costing me a family. We thought it could be done—we talked about it before doing it. But we screwed up. I didn’t give enough time to the ones I loved. I got to bed no earlier than 3:00 am every day because of homework after getting off work. I get up at 6:00 every day. Did I mention this cost me my family? Note to self—never try this again. I hurt myself physically as well as mentally doing this for years. While in the middle of it, I chalked it up to doing my best with what I had. I didn’t see that I needed to take a different approach with how to conduct my life.

This wasn’t my first failure though—my first came right before this one. I was in pre-med—wanted to be a doctor. I loved the idea of helping people. I was EMT and firefighter during this whole time frame—I loved the medic thing. The working under pressure and being able to make a difference to someone. I figured out quickly that I wanted to be an ER doctor. Everyone who knew me thought I’d want to go for OB/GYN. Nope—why do something as a job I enjoy so much! Ok, enough levity for now. But going to school, dealing with a family (I was changing diapers, doing laundry, cooking when I could) and not getting much sleep for years at a stretch cost me in GPA—a person needed right at a 4.00 GPA to have a chance at med school at that time—and I wasn’t near that. So, I’m out of pre-med, but continue on with the same degree I was going for. I just won’t be trying anything to do with med school once I get it.

This is my first major failure in my life. I was devastated. I wanted to give up—but I never give up. So I just so pissed at myself I couldn’t see straight. I was losing my family, I had lost my chance at becoming a doctor. I had no one to blame but myself though—no one at all. I hadn’t lost my family yet. I’m out of school, looking for a job. The last year I was in school I was unemployed and couldn’t get unemployment because I was a student. I wasn’t able to find a job in the small town I lived in. I had been fired from the store (family owned place) for bringing up a situation that was pretty unethical and was punishing those already working there—but I was the only one that knew it. Well, that wasn’t liked at all by them. So, out I go. And after school, it took me a year to get a job—and that was looking everyday all over the place. There was no McDonalds where I lived—the nearest one was 20 miles away. No one was hiring. I wasn’t able to properly provide for my wife and kids. I felt horrible. Here I am in my 20’s and if it was not for a very good friend (I had helped him out earlier when he was without a job for awhile—he basically lived with us) helping us out, I don’t know what would have happened.

Just as I get a job at OSU, we end up splitting. This is my big second failure in life. I spend time reflecting on a few things. A big one for me was the things we experience in life and how important we think they are—till later. More on that once I get closer to the age I am now.

I work for a year there and a job at U of O opens up. I apply for it and get the job—it’s in the same field as what I was doing at OSU. I meet a friend of a friend so that I can get some directions on a training course I have to attend—she is a very nice person. I bring this up only because this person ends up being my second wife eventually. I’m 32 now—feeling much older but in some ways more stabilized having this new job, and this new comfort of a relationship.

A word about me and relationships. This is one thing that has not changed over the span of my life. I have no problem being alone. I don’t get lonely. I accept myself and don’t NEED someone to have a happy life. Having someone though, does make life nicer for me. So, I have never sought out a relationship. If someone comes along that seems to be what I want in life, I look at my situation and their situation. Heck, there has been a few women I’ve been very attracted to because of who they are—yet because of them being with someone or me being with someone, then that is the breaks.

I end up in that job 4 years before moving to my current location and this job I have. I’m now 49. As the years increased, the way time passes has sped up drastically. A day is nothing. A month goes by before I realize it. A year seems to go by so quickly. I am still a cynic. But what kind of cynic?? I ask this of myself all the time because I have heard two different versions of what a cynic is. One version is that a cynic is someone who cares about everything to a very high degree—and they use a certain approach to convey they problems that exist in the world and with people—to attempt to get people to take notice. The second description I have heard is that a cynic knows the price of everything, but the value of nothing.

I hope I am not the latter type of cynic. My views on people as a race. We are for the most part not good. We do horrible things to each other. We create wars for various reasons and kill each other by the thousands. We imprison people who believe differently than we do. I still have my religion. My set of rules by which to live life. Back to this people thing—some people are pretty amazing. They do wonderful things that affect so many others. There are some truly great people on this earth. They are our hope—they will be what allows us to survive in spite of ourselves. These are the people who will rise above war, above egos so big that not only what is right for them is right for everyone else. They will rise above corruption, above greed and the thirst for power simply to have it and not do anything of value.

In these later years, I came to realize why I cried at the skit on Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In. Nam, Desert Storm and now Iraq points things out so clearly. There is nothing more devastating than war. We lost over 50,000 soldiers in Nam. That is just the surface of what the cost of war is. We have never had a war on or soil. We haven’t had thousands of civilians tortured, maimed, killed or orphaned. Many of the soldiers we lost in these wars left behind growing families—wives, husbands, sons, daughters, moms, dads, bothers, sisters. They feel the impact of war. The people who come back—they feel it for the rest of their lives. The have this private hell inside of their minds—they are tortured for the rest of their lives for what they have seen, what they have done to others, and what they have had done to them.

When I was younger, I thought war was a necessary evil of being a human. What I have come to believe is that I was only half right. It is an evil of being human. It is not necessary. We have other options to deal with things. We have other ways of conflict resolution. It is our choice to make use of them or not. The price of war is high. The price of freedom does not have to be war—we choose that price tag. We make it the viable option over other options. We think war is the only answer. That is a pathetic excuse for not doing the right thing and seeking other options and not accepting as a viable option.

Wisdom—the single biggest light there is. As I get older, I have come to realize that wisdom is the key to every other ability we have. You can be intelligent, you can be strong, you can have intuition. You can be rich, poor—it doesn’t matter. Without wisdom, the ability to achieve what potential you have is minimized. It is wisdom that allows us to know what to do and when to do it and how to do it. Looking back, this is something I was slightly aware of at a much younger time—but not in a way that I could put it to use. For that I am truly sorry. If I could impart only one thing on all of young human kind, it would be to seek out wisdom—to look for chances to pick up bits of wisdom—for if you are a good person , with wisdom you will realize what it takes to do the right things in life.

I have remembered the two years I was without work—one year while finishing school, the other year just out of school. I like to work. I need to work. I will never forget what it feels like to not be able to work when I want to so badly. I do not EVER want that hunger to go away—that desire to be a contributing member of a community, of society. Work for me isn’t about just doing a job. It’s about being able to make a difference in some way. Heck, flipping burgers, as they call it is making a difference if you approach it right. You can make a difference with a serving of food that is done well. You can make a difference doing any task.

I am still very competitive. I like to be right—I don’t like to make mistakes. But my definition of competitive has changed. It isn’t just about winning. Winning is a symptom. Making myself better through learning. When you go up against someone better than you, one of the options you have is learning from them. Respecting the game you are playing—football, chess, monopoly, life. You need to have respect for the game, because the game is bigger than any player in it. Respect for your fellow competitor—because if you ever want respect from someone, you must give it to them in return. Doing your nest—no matter what. Competition is about giving all you have—not holding back. Most of all, competition is about yourself—striving to win from within—to improve whenever possible, to win with grace, to accept defeat not with happiness, but with renewed determination to come back and do a little better. Competition is about not losing because you did poorly—never beat yourself.

Religion—I look at the various religions out there—and there are people in my RL that are in these religions. The people I have some of the highest respect for are the ones who really live what they say they believe in. They go by their rules when following them is the hard thing to do—they don’t ever take the easy way out. They don’t have the same belief system I do—that is not important though. Not at all. Any system of rules works well when things are going well—when there are not stresses, no tough choices to make. Look at those around you and see who follows their own rules no matter what—no matter the cost.

13 years ago my boss asked me, “which would you rather be—right or happy?”

At the time, I thought being right would make me happy—so the answer seemed obvious. That wasn’t really all that long ago you know. And now at 49, 13 years would probably go by very fast. Today I can’t answer that question. I don’t have enough wisdom to answer. I don’t have enough wisdom to know what true happiness is. There seems to be so many possible ways to be happy, and for so many reasons. I don’t know that it is my place in life to be happy, or to even be right. Growing older has shown me that I know less and less—at least in respect to what I thought I knew earlier in my life. I thought I had a lot of answers. I come to find out I didn’t even have a lot of good questions to ask to begin with. I’ve come to realize that my questions aren’t all that important—that listening to the questions others has is the best way to learn and gains the best experience.

Getting older has helped me to realize one of the best things a person can do is to teach. It doesn’t have to be in a class room—it can be in any setting. We have so much to share with each other—so much to give and so much we can accept from each other. As the saying goes, when you light the way for another, you cannot help but light your own path at the same time.

In getting older, I am sure one of the best things a person can do for themselves to explore who they are—to learn about yourself ion all aspects. If possible accept yourself. That is not to say you can’t believe there is room for improvement. There is good things and bad things about each of us—accept them as part of you—doing so helps a person to work on what we feel needs improving. Also, when someone gives you a compliment they truly mean, say thank you. Even if you don’t believe what they are saying, they believe it. Saying thank you validates their view point. And who knows—in time you may come to believe they were right about you.

Getting older has allowed me to believe that if you want to know what you are committed to, just check your results. What you do—what you get results on is what you are most committed to. It says a lot about yourself and about everyone else. It says what they really believe in. The older I’ve gotten, the more I believe that actions cost much more than words—and if you see an inconsistency between a person’s words and their actions, it is their actions that will define who they really are (that whole results and being committed to something issue)

In getting older, I have come to appreciate to a greater extent what others have to offer to each of us. TVCH has played a part in that. There are posts everyday of people over coming some amazing and tough obstacles. There are people who succeed in situations you wouldn’t expect success to be able to happen. It is these people who help make me a better person. I hope that as I grow older, I am able to do so with the folks at TVCH. They have taught me some very valuable things—and I am sure have lots more to teach—at least I know I have lots more to learn.

Back to the issue of thinking people as a whole are in a lot of trouble. You know, I guess the jury is out on that one at this point in my life. We still can do really horrible things to each other. There are still people homeless and starving in the streets of America, yet we give billions away to other countries. AI nice gesture to those folks. But shouldn’t we take care of home before trying to help those far away? I don’t know the answer for sure. It would be great if we could do both—it seems like we can’t right now. As a race we keep repeating old history—we don’t seem to learn from our mistakes. I think that is a bad thing—growing old should help us learn from our mistakes—and human history is much older than I am. As I get older, I find myself liking the philosophy of the human condition, and of humans to have gotten more and more interesting. There isn’t much money in it as far as anyone being able to make a living at it. Still, it is fun to look at and discuss with others interested in it. I guess I’m still a cynic.

As I get older, the more I learn, the less I know. I am 100% sure of this one. I can live with that though.

The older I get the more I realize not to take myself seriously, although take what I do seriously. I get in trouble when I can’t laugh at myself. I need to feel young at heart now and then—I didn’t allow myself that when growing up. And as I’ve gotten older, I realize that was a very bad mistake on my part. No one’s fault but my own though.

Time—have I mentioned time? It goes by so quickly—days, weeks, the months and the years. This brings me to what will be the final outcome of my age—death. I do not welcome death, although I do not fear it. I have cheated death once before. I think that is enough—I don’t need to be greedy. I want to be able to see myself and be ok—well, more than ok with what I’ve done. I would like to leave the earth having done something of value—something to give back, because by being here by definition I’ve taken from the earth. I have no idea how old I will get—if tomorrow will be it, or I have another 40 years. I hope that however long it is, I will still teach, still learn, and still try to be a better person. Getting older has shown me that those are very worthwhile efforts.


Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 3:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Well I'm older now after I read all of that! :-)

Jasper
Member

09-14-2000

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 4:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Thank you

Jan
Member

08-01-2000

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 4:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Lance, that was an extremely powerful and thought-provoking read.

I find myself thinking that people do become more cynical as they get older. It is especially true of me as I realized when I heard myself make the statement one day about an acquaintance

...she thinks she can fix everything for everyone..it's because she is so young..age will take that out of her!"


But, on the other hand, as a young person, I was totally self centred ...not selfish..I just didn't think about how other people were affected by what I did. To me, selfish people thought about it, but didn't care. It just never occurred to me to think about it!

I also believe exactly as you believe about religion and war, at least as far as you explain it here. I just can't understand how anyone can think their religion is the only true one. I think they are all true.

I guess I would rather be this cynical old fart of 57 who also believes that power, money and greed rule the majority of the world , but many good people still live their small lives within it. At least I now give some consideration to how others are affected :-):-)

In my life, I feel that every decade has been better than the last (which just tells you how badly it all started ). I would not give up anything to be any younger. I am so content with the life and age I have.

I have not become the better person that you have become, unfortunately, but, for the most part, I am content with who I am. I guess that's all we can hope for.

Jan
Member

08-01-2000

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 5:04 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
PS I found this for you, Lance:

"Cynicism is idealism corrupted by experience."
Machiavelli

Colordeagua
Member

10-25-2003

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 5:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
With age I've learned to accept myself. I'm not perfect -- no one is. And I've learned not to take others' comments about / criticisms of me so seriously. If I'm happy enough with myself, what others think doesn't matter so much.

Quote from Shakespeare:

What can say more than this rich praise -- that you alone are you?

Ddr
Member

08-19-2001

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 5:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Lance, thank you for sharing with us your insightful thoughts. You are a gem in this world.

Yankee_in_ca
Member

08-01-2000

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 5:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Thank you, Lance, for that. I would love to be at a point where we could sit, share a bottle of vino, and discuss.

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 5:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
to lance:
i never thought i was "old" until a couple of years ago. i had always been extremely like you. but somewhere down the line, i got tired. i still woke every day as if it was a BRAND NEW DAY! YAHOO! but every night, i was dragging a little more. i didn't care if someone did a little better than me, or tried a little harder. i was exhausted. somewhere along the line, i thought, when did i turn into my mother? i sound like her, i look like her, i'm even acting like her.

one day, i was watching a movie "pollyanna". at first i was so cynical watching it, thinking, "oh that won't fly in this day and age." but then i decided, you know, i'm not going to let so much bulls*** take over my life any more. i stopped volunteering for every committee, i stopped trying to be mrs cleaver and have dinner on the table at 7 every night. but i am going to be there for my family and enjoy the life i have. my life has turned around completely since i did that. i'm happier. i stop and smell roses. i enjoy time with my friends and family. and tvch is a big part of that. and the biggest realization of all was this: i can't make anyone happy, but i can make me happy.


Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 5:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Ok I only read the first paragraph and the title of the thread, that's what my transition from younger to older has taught me. :-)

Anyhoo, to me with experience comes wisdom. This doesn't mean it's gained by a particular age to me. I wish I hadn't experienced some of the things I have but it's shaped who I am. I've also learned that not everyone has common sense. Not everyone has book smarts. But sometimes someone has both.

Ddr
Member

08-19-2001

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 5:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
With age, I have learned to be happy with myself. I'm not searching anymore. Age has brought freedom in a sense from trying to please everyone (be it my husband, my mother, my grandfather, my boss). It has brought contentment in the simplest things in life, rather than trying to obtain the newest material item. It has brought the realization that I won't please everyone in my life and not to feel guilty when I don't.

I didn't look forward to turning 30. I hid in my house for 3 days and didn't answer the phone. I spent a few years in my 30's depressed, with no self-esteem, and a troubled marriage.

Funny how at 40, I embraced life! I have spent time learning about myself again. Realizing I only have a few more years where I'm the number one woman in my son's life and cherishing every moment. Not rushing it. Enjoying it.

I chuckle how a person thinks they know it all in their 20's. And there's always a 40 or older person laughing their ass off at the idea.



Grannyg
Member

05-28-2002

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 5:57 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I've learned that no matter how old I am, I'm glad I'm not as dumb as I was. At 30, I thought of the stupid things I did at 20. At 40, I thought of the stupid things I did at 30. At 50, I thought of the stupid things I did at 40. So at 54, I feel quite certain that at 60, I will think of the stupid things I did at 50. I think all of life is a learning process and the only time you quit learning is when you are not breathing any more. As long as there is breath, there is life. And as long as there is life, there is learning. And I totally agree with Ddr's last statement, except I will add that a person in their 40's think they know it all and there is someone in the 60's laughing their ass off at the idea. And at 70 we long to be back to the 40's when we knew everything, like our name and where we live.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 6:01 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
70? I just hope to make it to 50.

Ddr
Member

08-19-2001

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 - 6:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Yeah Granny, but at 40 we know those 60 and 70 year olds are laughing at us.

Kstme
Member

08-14-2000

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 - 9:35 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Lance, this a great thread, thank you!

For me, the transition from younger to older has been a long journey. Not sure I'd want to do it again, but I don't think I would change anything, because if the journey were changed, I wouldn't be me.

Many things haven't changed over the years. I am still as incredibly shy and lacking in self-confidence, as I was when I was younger. Maybe more so, now. I just handle it better. I have become more cynical, too. Think this must be a trait of getting older.

I think friendships are harder to start as I get older. No children in school and too shy to join as a volunteer. My friends are, for the most part, life-long.

Because I lost my parents when I was young, I looked at mortality in a different way. Over the last few years, with the loss of my sisters, I realize, I am of 'that' generation. I'm not afraid to leave this world and never have been.

My journey has left me more ditzy. It's left me with more weight and gray hairs.

My one passion has been realized, though. My dogs. For most of my life, I wanted to own another Sussex Spaniel and that dream has come to fruition. If I'd been younger, I'm not sure I would have been able to make the connections I have and have them.

So, all in all, I think the travels have been worth it. Even if I wish I'd known then what I do now! I'm almost 58.

Ophiliasgrandma
Member

09-04-2001

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 - 10:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I've learned that everyday when I look at myself nude in a mirror, it is the very best I'm ever going to look.

Heyltslori
Member

09-15-2001

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 - 11:48 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    

quote:

And at 70 we long to be back to the 40's when we knew everything, like our name and where we live.




HAHAHAHA...that cracked me up Granny!!

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 - 12:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
og, that's the only thing i'm scared of in this world. actually terrified is a better world. because at that point, i realize, i'm not 25 and 119 pounds anymore. then i look a little closer and see the little lines by the eyes and the forehead. and they are growing deeper by the day it seems.

Ophiliasgrandma
Member

09-04-2001

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 - 12:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Hey, Landi, when you get there, just be the best little old lady you can be. I am glad I don't have the money for plastic surgery on my face. I want to be a 'real' little old lady and not some cartoon.

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 - 12:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
funny, if i was ever to have plastic surgery on my face, it wouldn't be to remove lines. i have a scar, a mole, and a nose to rearrange, but never the lines.

i figure i'll just keep dyeing the hair for the gray, until the day i have to dye it blue and go in for my weekly shampoo and set.


Resortgirl
Member

09-23-2000

Thursday, March 03, 2005 - 7:30 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Bravo Lance!! Another thought provoking subject from you!

I used to think getting older was nothing but bad bad bad. I remember when I was 16 years old and there were predictions that the end of the world would come in the year 2000... I thought, who cares"? I'll be old! 40!! Surely I'll have done everything there is to do by then, right? HAHAH! In many ways my life didn't even start until 44. And I think I've actually become less cynical and pessimisstic as the years have passed. I always thought that the worst would happen. That people were only out for themselves (maybe that because I was only out for myself?), but I've learned that most people are inherently good. That they want to do the right thing. Maybe it's because I've surrounded myself with the good people here at TVCH. And this is a special bunch isn't it? I also agree with you Lance about the passage of time. It's just rolling by so quickly now. When I was young, a week was a year. But time going by so quickly has taught me to look for the little joys in life. Not the big Hoopla of a upcoming vacation or celebration, but rather how delicate the wings of a butterfly are, or the way the trees glisten after a snowfall, or the sparkle in my childrens eyes when I tell them how proud I am of them. Those are the moments that make up your life.

Now of course I can't lie and say I love getting older. Gravity is my enemy!! But even though the wrapping of this package is getting a little damaged and tattered, the gift within is growing and maturing and becoming something worth giving to others. My family and friends.

Thanks again Lance. I always love how you tell your stories. They are sincere, thought provoking and very eloquent!

Egbok
Member

07-13-2000

Thursday, March 03, 2005 - 9:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I hadn't notice this thread til just now...good subject!

And okay, I'll confess, I haven't read Lance's post yet but I want to give a spontaneous response...a quick spontaneous response since I'm suppose to be getting ready for work...ack! I'll be sure to read Lance's post soon.

So, I'm being asked...transition from younger to older...what does it mean to me?

Just yesterday I was speaking to my Director and I told her that being my current age of 51 brings me a sense of peace and pride in myself. I could never say this about myself in my 30's because I was one who thought I knew it all and although I had my grounded values of moralilty, compassion and general good sense...in my 30's, I hadn't developed what I consider being true to myself and others. I believe becoming a mother really gave me a knock at the door. All of a sudden, I knew that I (along with Egbob) was their shining example and although frightening, I felt compelled to make some tweaks and changes in myself.

Today, I walk with pride and a huge sense of peace in my heart and mind. I feel proud of taking the time to look at myself, really look at myself and making some adjustments towards improving how people view me and how I viewed people. I came to see the world in a new way over a 10 year time period. I call this transition period my turning point, my own personal growth.

And my three beautiful kidlets are a constant reminder that I took a brave and awesome step to become the person I am today.

I hope this made sense to you as I know it was brief but I've really got to go now. Have a good day everyone!




Hippyt
Member

06-15-2001

Thursday, March 03, 2005 - 9:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Well,someone pointed out this post to me tonight. I'm not sure where to begin.
When I was younger,Oh my Lord I was vain! I still am to an extent,it's hard to get used to getting older.
My parents were a mess,they divorced when I was 15 and quickly forgot I was anything other than a bargaining tool in their anger.
So,I took care of myself for ever. I took care of myself,and it was all about ME.
As,I got older got married at 31 to someone I had known for over ten years,someone who had lived the same life as me,I was still allllll me.
I was not a bad person.
Then I had kids. Kids,I had never really wanted kids.
What I have learned as I have gotten older is the best thing I did was have kids. I am not my mother,I am older,more mature than she was when she had me.
I also believe people are basically good. I saw it the other day when I dropped my wallet in the parking lot and some man ran after me yelling. I see it when my daughter's pre-k teacher hugs her with glee. I see it when I met my tvch friends. Sure,there is bad out there,but look for the good,it's much easier to find.

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Thursday, March 03, 2005 - 10:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Lance, thanks for sharing. Great thread.

Hip, I agree with you about having kids and seeing the good in ppl!

Twiggyish
Member

08-14-2000

Friday, March 04, 2005 - 10:24 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Wow. This thread is amazing. It's why I love you guys.

I look at life as a learning adventure. Every day teaches me something new. I learn from my friends, family and co-workers. As I grow older, I hope to absorb as much from life as possible.
You'll never hear me say I'm too old to learn something new.

There is one lesson I'm learning right now..You can lose many things in life, but sometimes what you find is better. (beyond material goods)

Nickovtyme
Member

07-29-2004

Friday, March 04, 2005 - 3:57 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My transition has meant that my back hurts all the time. I can't seem to eat the spicy foods that I used to. I don't seem to understand all this danged o' rap music. People call me Sir. I have to much responsibility and I'm sure that's not at all what you meant by starting this thread.

It's like I turned a certain age and my body started falling apart....I definately feel older than the months give to me.

Legalboxer
Member

11-17-2003

Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 12:01 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I probably could add a lot more but I finally read Lance’s post (saw it the first day but just didn’t have time then) along with everyone else’s, and it’s 1:00 am so I don’t know how far this will go.

I realize I fall on the bottom of the ladder in even thinking about what it means when you get older, since I am still 2 months away from turning 30 and that is still young, but I feel like in some ways, I have a reverse life path as time has passed. Instead of getting more mature or more grounded and grown up, especially in the last 5-10 years, I have felt as if I am suddenly reverting into some childhood that I never had. But before I get into that, I just want to be clear, I am not talking about childhood activities – I always did everything from a kid from climbing trees to soccer to video games to painting to trying to create new things – and I STILL do that today- I never plan to stop climbing trees or jumping into a waterfall or playing with video games regardless of age – I always had that real childhood and I always plan to keep that part of my life since I never believed in age limits for anything. But that being said, what I meant by feeling as if I am suddenly going backwards with time is based on the fact that I felt like I was way too mature by the time I was age five. Even with all the things I did and enjoyed, I never saw myself as someone at my age level. I knew I was much more knowledgeable then I should be, and it wasn’t about intelligence. It was about understanding way too much about the world at way too early an age. I never once blamed things on others if I had ANY responsibility for something, AND I never blamed myself for things I had nothing to do with. Perfect example being when my parents divorced when I was 3 years old – they never lied to me about it and I understood it way too much for a 3 year old and while I may have cried on the corner of my grandmother’s lawn the day they went off to the courthouse to finalize it, I never questioned the divorced once after that, I never blamed myself since I understood why they divorced, and I never once wished that they would reunite since I believed they didn’t belong together, nor did I ever blame either one for the divorce. I always have been one to believe in both nurture and nature since I can trace so much of who I am to both theories – and I know I was just born with this independent stubbornness, but I also know life events had an effect on me, but by the time I was 3, I had already turned on that protective parenting mode, by always being the strong one, and always going out of the way to protect those in my life, no matter what had happened to me physically or emotionally. I was self confident in many things but it was always about putting other people first. And I had acquired my beliefs in God, Country and all else by the time I was five. I always said I was open to change and I always did listen to others but I also always believed that nothing and no one could ever change who I was – that was who I was and that was that. I saw adults as equals and more than the usual amount of adults actually did treat me with a different level of respect than most kids – or maybe I just think that and it was just that I ignored any disrespect while getting what I wanted. I never had the same kind of reaction to death that most people have, in the last 25 years I have yet to cry at any death, and maybe its because death was a part of my life early on that I just automatically accepted it as a part of life and knew I had no control over it, so I focused on those who were living and not those who died, regardless of how close they were in my life. I understood about age too – I had my life planned out when I was six years old (and am still only 2 years off that plan) – and I said to myself that I would retired at 55, and I knew that was still very young to be retiring, but I never considered anyone under 65 to be old. I never cared about my looks, I never cared about my weight, and I never was self-centered or immature at any age. And as I said, I also always acknowledged to myself that I was too mature.

The interesting thing is that in recent years, instead of growing mature, I feel like, at least in certain ways, I want to be that teenage or 20 something girl that I never was – I want to be immature, (though the reality is, I am still not immature since to me, that is doing stupid things without thinking, while now I may do stupid things knowing full well how stupid they are) – but I am getting more and more on the wild side than I was when I was supposed to be letting loose. And I realize, me getting on the wild side still doesn’t match what most would consider wild, but compared to the way I always have been, I am taking doing things now that I never did as a freshmen in college (putting aside the fact I also had things before like a moral problem in breaking the law by drinking when under 21, morals which doesn’t exist anymore :-)) and I feel like I want to be more self centered now. I should just make a note that I also realize that a lot of this is in my mind much more than my actions, but it is creeping into my actions more and more. As I age, I am getting tired of being the mature one that protects everyone and wants to now take time to put me first. I may not do that most of the time, but the fact that I have started to do it at times, versus never doing it as a child, is a huge change in my view.

The other thing that I want to briefly touch upon is just a connection that I made with Robert Kennedy when I saw the PBS documentary (and yes, I realized almost 10 years ago how much I had in common with RFK but I never knew this about him until a few months ago and it hit me that I was going through the same thing at the same age that he was going through.) He saw things as black and white for a long time and separated so much of his thinking at an early age, as open as he was – much like me. But instead of how most people have this grey area in their 20s and then get set beliefs in their 30s or as they mature, he did the reverse, and realized right around 30-35 that things weren’t that set and that he needed to see more of the grey area – much as I am doing now. Yes I always have been able to see, listen to and understand all sides of a picture but I also never wavered from what I believed in until now – much as RFK didn’t waver until it hit him in the face when his own friends got attacked during the freedom rides. He realized he had been separating his issues and worlds too much, just as I am now. Though I should say, I always knew I was separating my worlds way too much and that it would eventually turn back and get me, but I never expected it to have the impact that it did, and though I still am firm in a lot of who I am and what I want in life, I also feel like I am suddenly learning the lessons that I was supposed to be going through growing up. And for those reasons, I feel like I am getting younger the older I get – at least in some ways.

Could probably talk for hours about other topics that lance touched upon, especially the impact that sports had on me, and my view of competition (I always compete but it was always about having that opportunity to compete and not about winning) - and how I always believed I was cynical inside but I just have yet to ever show it and so no one believes that I am cynical… but its not 1:58 and I think that is good enough for now – especially since how much can I really share with only 29 years, 9 months and 14 days. :-)

Thanks lance for all you shared with us


Ketchuplover
Member

08-30-2000

Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 7:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
sigh

Ophiliasgrandma
Member

09-04-2001

Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 9:11 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
One biggie for me is that I have learned, only fairly recently, that just because a thought comes into my head that it doens't have to go out my mouth.

Karen
Member

09-07-2004

Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 4:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
WARNING by Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves.
And satin sandals and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired.
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells.
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickles for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

(This thread was just begging for this poem!)

Memorx
Member

10-21-2004

Tuesday, April 05, 2005 - 12:08 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Well for me, my father's favorite line, now makes perfect sense. "Its he** to have a 18 year old mind, stuck in this old body"

Its strange how although your mind gains and stores knowledge throughout your life, but it does not seem to age at the same rate as your body. A healthy mind is not nearly as honest about age as a mirror is.