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Tweenagers

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2005 Mar. ~ 2005 May: Parneting Room (ARCHIVES): Tweenagers users admin

Author Message
Twiggyish
Member

08-14-2000

Friday, May 20, 2005 - 1:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Well I am at this point and would love to discuss others about that magical transistion called Tweenhood..LOL

Em my tween has recently run into cliques at school. She's seen them before, but this year they are getter meaner towards other girls.
Also, these same girls are talking about dating and "going out" with boys. They're only in 6th grade. Although she likes several boys, Em tells them she's too young for relationship stuff. What do you guys think is the right age for dating? AND How do you teach your kids to get around the cliques (groups) at school?

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, May 20, 2005 - 3:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
21 and tell her to create her own clique.

Happymom
Member

01-20-2003

Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 9:21 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I don't know about the dating, my oldest is 14. All I can say is that she won't date when she's 14.

Cliques...I have 3 girls, 14, 11, and 8. Girls are very cliquish. I mostly try to stay out of it. I don't give advice about a specific person unless asked. I do try to give general advice and messages. I agree with Mocha, she can have her own clique. I think most girls find friends and they just naturally become a clique. There are sometimes sets of best friends that migrate between cliques or are accepted by several cliques. Girls are girls. I just try to give the message to be respectful to others, be yourself, life isn't always about being comfortable, be strong and confident etc. I don't think there is any getting around cliques.

Good luck!

Twiggyish
Member

08-14-2000

Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 12:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Thanks!

I've made a rule that no dating until at least 16. But, a few mom's have told me that's too strict.
As to the cliques, I let her decide what to do, too. She doesn't like to belong to any one group. I told her this is the age that people change.







Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 12:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
The clique thing is so hard. My dd is 11 and we have been dealing with that for year. My son is 15 and just never had the same type issues. I just try to give my dd the confidence to see her own assets.
As far as dating, my oldest is a boy, but this is what we have done with him. In middle school, group outings only (but he did it rarely) no even numbers of boys and girls. No mall walking or hanging out period. In high school, freshman year, dates only for school dances. NO other dating. Next year he will be driving so, we will probably allow it. I think we will probably do the same thing with dd. Fortuntately, our church does alot of talking about dating and encourages group dating too, so that helps us seem not so out of it. They also have a great youth club that the kids can go and hang out it, so that makes them feel 'grown up'.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 12:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
oh..in middle school, I know alot of the kids 'went together', that consisted of sometimes talking to each other at school, maybe on the phone and usually on IM. They didn't actually go anywhere! LOL

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 1:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
how dare you let him date? hmmmmpf! some mother-in-law you're gonna be!

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 1:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Landi, you truly made me laugh out loud!!!
don't you want him to get it right before he takes on Miss Holli?

Ladytex
Member

09-27-2001

Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 4:46 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
no dating til 16, was like that for my boys and my daughter, who is 15. and after 16, group dating...

Twiggyish
Member

08-14-2000

Monday, May 23, 2005 - 6:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I'm glad you all feel the same way I do.



Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Wednesday, May 25, 2005 - 3:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I can remember sixth grade and starting to get interested in boys, but that is only because I had a sister in high school who I felt I had to "keep up with".

Now it is role reversal with us, but I digress.

What to do about cliques?

When I was in middle school and all the way up through high school, there were so many cliques for such small schools (K-8th, about 500 kids and 9-12, about 500 kids total)

I am a real joiner. I joined lots of sports teams. In sixth seventh and eigth, I was on the volleyball, basketball, soccer and softball teams. In eighth grade, I was even a cheerleader. It kept me busy, taught me teamwork. I also joined 4h. That was a great thing to do. In high school, I played volleyball, track, was class president, joined FFA and FBLA.


It tends to be the more groups you join, the more friends you make, and the more cliques you belong to. Don't join one, join em all. Also, tell DD how important it is NOT to get into the cliques where the girls are mean to others. Tell her that it is important to be mature about her decisions, and putting others down is a sign of immaturity and insecurity.

I began dating at 15. I had that same boyfriend until I was seventeen. If I could do it all over again, i wouldn't have dated only one person throughout high school. That was a huge msitake on my part, and I missed out on a lot because of it, believe it or not. It is very important to make the most of your middle school and high school years. How high school will pan out depends on how middle school pans out. It is so true. It really isn't about dating a quarterback, or driving a fancy car. It's not about who you know either, it's about who knows you.

Get the thought of "sex" out of your minds while I say "It is important for your DD to experience lots of things in high school, that includes dating (not having sex with) more than one person, having more than one friend, joining groups, being a team player, etc.

This is just based on my experience, so you don't have to follow it, but I also remember how frustrating middle school was if you weren't the most POPULAR girl in school, and at my small school, it was two girls who were the cream of th crop. Looking back now, I don't understand why, but they were best friends, and everyone wanted to be their best friend, they were caniving, bickersome, two faced and immature. They were very insecure, though, they were both overweight and came from disfunctional families.

I made it a point to be friends with both of them, and everyone else for that matter, and to this day, those two girls do not speak to eachother, but I have kept in touch with both.

I will often remind them of things they had done to people or said or something, all in "just being kids" but looking back now, they do regret it.

Five years after high school we were walking up to the line to get into (bear with me) a brittney spears concert. The line was a mile long, and as we were making our way toward the direction of the end, a voice yelled out my name. It was a girl I had gone to high school with. She was always heavy, had a bad home life, and dropped out two weeks before graduation because she was pregnant. But, I was always friendly to her, and offered her friendship and support. That day, she gave me a big hug, told me she missed me, and let me get in line with her at the front!

It pays to be nice to people.


Whoa.........sorry about the long post!


Mamie316
Member

07-08-2003

Wednesday, May 25, 2005 - 3:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My views are exactly like Ladytex's and my kids were very respectful of it and I honestly think that they had more fun going out with a bunch of friends than just one.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Wednesday, May 25, 2005 - 3:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Group things are always better than alone. I think this is true until eighteen. IMO

Mamie316
Member

07-08-2003

Wednesday, May 25, 2005 - 3:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Escapee, I totally agree. I think it makes things so much more enjoyable.

Twiggyish
Member

08-14-2000

Friday, May 27, 2005 - 6:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I also agree with you Escapee. She doesn't like the "mean girls" in her school. They don't seem to be popular, which is a good thing. I suppose it's all about learning to deal with different types of people.