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Archive through February 28, 2005

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2005 Mar. ~ 2005 May: Free Expression... (ARCHIVES): The return of The Return of the Gripe Thread (ARCHIVES): Archive through February 28, 2005 users admin

Author Message
Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 11:29 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Who, you go and vent away, that's what we are here for! (((WHO)))

Babyruth
Member

07-19-2001

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 11:35 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Whoami, do you know about this?

http://www.ci.longmont.co.us/sen_ctr/caregiver/services.htm

and this page:

http://www.ci.longmont.co.us/sen_ctr/caregiver/index.htm


Dear mods, can you please make 2nd addy a link? thanks! Not sure why it won't link.


link fixed <314>

Halfunit
Moderator

09-02-2001

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 11:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
( I'm just adding one more link that compliments the two that Babyruth listed, just in case it is overlooked - this one is specifically for support of the caregivers. )


SUPPORT


Nice work, BR!

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 12:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Whoami, you do actually deserve a life of your own. Some kind of a life. Even a teensy bit of a life. You DO deserve it.

Looks like some great ideas on the link BR provided. The senior companion - you would get two hours a week relief.

Adult daycare! Wouldn't that be heaven! If you could get her to go, it would give her some friends, force her onto a schedule, perhaps keep her from drinking so much, give you a lot of relief. You could be posting at the clubhouse while she is at daycare. :-)

How about that Senior Opportunity Source? Get Whomum a job! Not sure what developmentally disabled means ...

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 12:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Respite care.....I imagine there is something here. But I honestly don't think they'd come in to take care of a drunk. That's harshly put, I know. But Mom could probably be left alone for a few hours at a time if she'd just stop drinking. If I remember how my friend was who worked respite, its more about those with a medical need. Yes, Mom's stroke could count as medical. But....well....her and I would probably both be horrified to have someone come in here and care for her while she's drunk. And, I'll admit our house is not exactly Martha Stewart ready. In fact, we're quite the clutterbugs, and it would be embarrassing to have a stranger come in here. Sure, I could clean up for visitors, but the work and stress involved in rushing around getting the house ready....Then of course, there's the cost of hiring someone. Since I can't go out and work, our finances are very very slim, and dwindling away every month. There will probably come a time in the next year where I will have to leave the house to work full time, hide the booze, and just hope every day I don't come home to a disaster as I return from work.

Those links look interesting. The first one looks like its more about housing a senior, and helping them with independence things like driving and such.

Second one looks interesting too. Maybe will have to look into that, if only to start chatting with other caregivers.

Like I said. I'm just in a venting mood. Releasing that steam valve every now and then is helpful. Now I have room to stuff it down again for a while....

ETA: didn't see Half or Juju's posts while I was typing! It would be easier to move a giant boulder down Main Street than it would to get Mom out of the house, especially on a regular basis. When we do go out (like to sis's house for a holiday get together), the only thing on her mind is to get back home so she can pour a drink. The only thing that exists in her world is the bottle, the tv, her cigs, and her chair. Everything else (including me) is secondary and inconsequential.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 12:10 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My fil is an alcoholic, diabetic, stroke victim and in a wheelchair. He is also incredibly manipulative and self centered. We finally FORCED my mil to hire someone to come (her pride be damned) cause she was wasting away herself.
It's not selfish to think of yourself.

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 12:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
LOL, well I'm hardly wasting away. Any pic you've seen of me is proof of that. In fact I've probably gained 20 pounds since I last set foot in the workforce. Probably from sitting here on my arse at the computer!

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 12:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I meant emotionally!

Ddr
Member

08-19-2001

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 12:31 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Who, is there anyway one of your siblings could give you a weekend off for you to recharge your batteries? Let them stay with mom and you go to their place?

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 12:47 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Well, one sis is too much of a drama queen. The one day she did come and stay with Mom so other sis and I could go to a drum corps show, she talked about how it was just "too stressful." Besides, she also has all these physical ailments herself to where, if Mom did fall, she wouldn't be able to get her back up off the floor anyway.

Other sis is always working on weekends, or she has her kids (and her time with her kids is too precious, I'd never dream of (or allow) her to take time away from her kids. She never has time to even just come over and visit, something I'd cherish more than anything.

Bubbakitty
Member

01-29-2005

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 1:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Whoami I'd like to share my story with you, in hoping that it might help. Would you mind if I pm'd you?

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 1:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I'd welcome any PM or e-mail! Thanks Bubbakitty!

Babyruth
Member

07-19-2001

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 6:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Thanks for fixing my link, mod! I was sneaking in my post while on break at work, and didn't have time to fix it!

(((Whoami))))

Scootersmom
Member

08-10-2002

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 6:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
(((Whomama))) I wish things were better for you. Sometimes it really helps to vent. I sincerely hope you are able to get some help.

Seamonkey
Member

09-07-2000

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 6:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Who, vent ANYTIME! I know you are under 24 hour a day stress, not onlyl not knowing what the "schedule" will be but will she fall or perhaps start a fire? So frustrating!

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 7:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Hey Who. Can you make some rules? Like she can only drink and smoke during set hours and then you keep the booze and ciggies locked up otherwise? (If you give her a decent timeframe do you think she might comply?)

Twinkie
Member

09-24-2002

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 8:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I'm surprised none of her doctors have insisted on a detox stay in the hospital. If she doesn't get off the booze she is going to die soon plus I don't mean to be so blunt but its also expensive to support her habit and you could both be living so much better. I really feel for you, Who. Its a fine line you have to walk.

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 8:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Her doctor has offered it. But that's all he can do. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to. Same with her meds. She was whining about having to take pills at her last appointment. He told her, "well, you don't have to take them. But, if you want to live longer, its a good idea." But of course when it comes to giving up the booze or cigs, its not even open for discussion.

I've tried the "lets do a set schedule" thing. But, she just loathes being "told what to do." For a while, I can say, "ok Mom, its getting to be (whatever time), we should start thinking of getting ready for bed." For a week or so, it will work. But then she gets into a snark of "oh, now you're telling me when I have to go to bed?" Then I just give up trying to let her know what time it is, and pretty soon we're at the 4-7am thing again.

The other night, she was watching MASH on Hallmark Channel. That Texas Ranger show comes on after, and we both hate that show. I happened to be in the bathroom when it came on. I said, "lets not let this show run, cause you know we'll end up watching it if we let it run." My plan was to put it on the news or something...something that we could turn off and not "have to see the end of it to see how it turns out, even when we hate the show" type of scenario. I was getting ready to serve dinner. And as always, had taped Third Watch and Medical Investigations. We usually sit down to eat and watch our tape of those shows. So that's what I was getting ready to do again. Her response....."oh, so now you're telling me what I can and can't watch?"

So, I walked away and let the damn Ranger show play. As I'm serving up the dinner plates, I hear her call in to me, "isn't there something else on besides this?"

Damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

Vee
Member

02-23-2004

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 8:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Gosh, this issue really is a sticky wicket. If you put your foot down, what would happen? Worst case scenario?

The Social Worker visited with my grandmother last week as part of her elder care and they discussed all the things that bug her. The SW did not "take her side" in many of them explaining gently my mother's (her main caregiver) side of the issue. It left my grandmother in tears and upset that she is such a "burden." Sigh...there are no easy answers.

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 8:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I can put my foot down to the point of punching holes in the flooring. The more I insist, the more she just shuts me out. Or, she'll snark at me for "screaming" at her. I've screamed, begged, reasoned, cried, and every other tactic known under the sun. And its all the same response. Either total shut out....or she just giggles at how "funny" I am when I "go on."

She does the whining "oh I'm such a burden" thing too. But, she deals with that by doing the self loathing thing, which of course leads to more drinking.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 8:30 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Who, can't you just let her have a tantrum? What would happen if you set a schedule? From 8am til 9pm she could have whatever she wanted, food, booze, cigs. You set a time for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Then she knows what to expect. You lock up stuff after 9pm and go to bed. I don't think that is too ridiculous to expect her to live with. Especially if you tell her what the schedule is and when it will start. Then stick to your guns.

Good luck!!! (and I am sure this is easier to say than to do--but really you have to start thinking of YOURSELF!!!!)

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 8:31 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
And don't even fight about it. Just tell her this is how it is. Prepare yourself for her to give you the silent treatment for a while. But at least you'll get sleep!

Twinkie
Member

09-24-2002

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 9:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Who, you aren't her servant, you are her daughter but sometimes the child must become the parent and take matters in hand. What happens if you don't go out and get the booze for her? Tantrums and whining would get nowhere with me. You are the caregiver and she is the caretaker. You set the rules and ignore her outbursts.

Seamonkey
Member

09-07-2000

Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 10:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
You guys haven't met Whosmom.. I'm pretty sure short of binding and gagging her, Who would have no sleep for fear of her falling and hurting herself because she'd be so angry.



Schoolmarm
Member

02-18-2001

Monday, February 28, 2005 - 1:38 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Oh, hell...who...if she gets really bad, just send her to a nursing home and go back to work to pay for it. (Maybe that would shut her up). LOL!

She sounds like a childhood neighbor of ours who gets so headstrong that she has alienated her whole family and most of her friends. My Mom goes to visit her...she's a saint (mom, not the neighbor!)

Get some sleep sweetie! I'm thinking about you!