Author |
Message |
Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 9:10 am
The mom & dad of an only child wants to take their child to a waterpark (or amusement park). They would like to bring another child with so the only child would have another kid to do stuff with. Is it fair to ask if one of the child's cousins can come with (just one from a family of 4 kids where the kids are all very close in age.) Only child is 5 and the cousins are 2-4-6-8. Should the cousins not be asked at all? What is your opinion. What are your suggestions?
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Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 9:34 am
I think it is perfectly alright for one child out of many to be singled out for a special outing. Life happens.
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Landi
Member
07-29-2002
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 9:40 am
i think two children under 6 at a waterpark is enough to handle. three or more children is QUITE alot on the other hand. for a first outing, asking the one friend should be enough. ask the cousins another time when their parents would be able to come along.
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Hippyt
Member
06-15-2001
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 10:34 am
I agree,keeping an eye on that many kids would be almost impossible.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 10:38 am
Wasn't this same question asked before? Or is my mind acting screwy again lol. I see no problem with what the mom and dad wish to do. And I certainly wouldn't take a 2yr old and still have to try to keep up with all the others. Too much work, imo.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 10:43 am
Yes, it is fine to only invite one child. If this child wasn't a relative would there be any hesitation about not including the other siblings?
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 10:52 am
Texannie that is a good way to think about it. The answer is no. If it were a non-relative, only one would be asked. The question only concerns bringing one other kid. (two total.) I am asking if it out of line to be inviting only one child from that family.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 11:10 am
No I don't think so.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 11:14 am
Thanks! 
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 1:08 pm
Nope.
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Kady
Member
07-30-2000
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 4:37 pm
I don't think I could ask to take one family member without asking them all but that's just me. I don't think its out of line or nothing but I would feel bad taking just one.
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Karuuna
Member
08-31-2000
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 4:41 pm
If it were me, I might invite the two older kids to go, noting that some other time you'll take the younger two for some special outing that is more appropriate. The really key issue is that if this is a relative, presumeably you know the mom or dad that is primary caregiver. If so, what do you think *their* reaction would be to your inviting only one? If they won't handle it well, they won't be able to help the children handle it well either.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 4:42 pm
Interesting point Kar.
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Hippyt
Member
06-15-2001
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 4:54 pm
Well,we came into a situation like this last summer. We were going to a theme park and my two kids wanted their two best friends to come. The best friends are also brothers. Four kids is a lot of keep up with in a theme park,even with two adults there. So,we just had a talk with the parents, our neighbors. They decided only one boy would go because the other one had already been to the park at a different outing. It worked out great. Communication goes a long way in these situations. I'm sure the parents would be more concerned that their kids be safe.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 5:41 pm
Well I pretty much know/knew the parents won't go for it. I just wanted your opinions. The dad is number 10 of 11 kids. And number 9 has down syndrome, so his parents literally had very little time for him. He overcompensates (imo). He has more issues than my sister does. The mom (my sister) is number 3 of 5. She has always been rather needy and drove my sister (number 2) CRAZY always following and feeling left out. At any rate, they do not let one kid do anything unless the others get to do it too. One example: A friend of the oldest girl invited her to a sleepover. Oldest was not allowed to do so, because mom (my sis) did not want #2 and #3 to feel left out. She had the friend sleep over instead. That time it worked out, but I bet after time, resentment will grow... But it is their family, their problem/business. I sure am not gonna stick my nose there. BUT, it does somewhat affect me and my son. At least if we want to spend much time with the cousins outside of Christmas and graduation parties, etc. Last summer he wanted one of them to come over for a sleepover. I said I would take each one of the girls, one at a time. But my sister said she didn't want whomever did not go first to feel left out. So there was no sleepover. I just think it would be nice if I could take each one (at least the 4, 6 and 8 year olds), one at a time. I would be sure that each girl (they are all girls) got a turn. So anyways, I did ask my sister. As I predicted, she said no. Sad for my son. Sad for me too, as I would like to spend some time with the girls, one at a time. But oh well. We'll take a neighbor kid instead. It's really not that big of a deal. It would just be nice to spend some time with the girls and also nice for my son to play w/ his cousins once in a while...
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 7:51 pm
That is sad.
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 10:36 pm
Well, I see it from your sisters point of view. She has 4 kids ages 2,4,6 & 8. The 8 year old "may" understand the concept of "next time". With children time is forever for them. She would be left home with the other 3 that were not able to go (well..I don't think the 2 year old would be much of a worry) but the others could become very jealous or wouldn't understand "why not me" getting to go. They would be very sad and feel left out. Children also don't care about "next time" they care about the immediate and "right now". Sometimes we adults expect children to have adult understandings when we really shouldn't. You are also Aunt Julie and they might wonder why you didn't pick them to go on the special outing. Maybe they will feel like you like/love the one who you picked better. It would be different if this was not family as you don't have special ties to the other children that were not the age of your son. Your son probably wouldn't be a playmate/friend of all the children in a non family situation. Children also forget "last time" when a new situation comes about. So even if you took one, the "next time" this child would feel left out of the outting. And the cycle goes on each time you want to take one of the children at a time. Don't forget it's your sister who will be home with the children crying because they were not the one picked, each time you do a one on one. Maybe when the kids are older and can understand better you will be able to do take one child at a time. You sister is just thinking of the feelings of all of her children, which is a good thing.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 5:27 am
I know this isn't a debate question, but (LOL) I disagree that the sister is helping the kids. I think she is teaching them that the world totally revolves around them. That they will always be included in everything. That every person must bend to make them happy. Yes, it's easier to let them have their way, to not be disappointed, but what does that teach them in the long run?
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 6:39 am
Children are much smarter than parents give them credit for.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 7:10 am
I agree w/ Texannie & Mocha. I think the kids are old enough. (well maybe not the 2 yr. old and she doesn't care). I think the kids should each be able to have a "special time". It will help them learn patience, etc. Plus the ones who stay home will get a little more extra attention from the parents. And if they are worried that the others will be sad, they could do something special like a trip to the library or ice cream shop or rent a special movie. A bigger concern than whether they can come with me, is the resentment that I think is being caused. Like when the kids get a present (say Christmas or b-day) and one sister wants to play with the present (that isn't hers) the kid whose present it is, is forced to share right then and there. Now don't get all over me thinking I don't believe in sharing. I do think it is important. I just don't think they should have to share their special gift within moments of opening it. I think that will just lead to each girl getting very possessive of their property. I already see this happening. I suppose next time my son wants one of them to sleep over, I am just going to ask if he can sleep over there instead!!! (Then dh and I can go see a movie!)
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 7:40 am
There you go! Call and say, 'ds would love to spend time with so and so, but I really can't have all of them to my house, so can he spend the night there?" I always allowed my kids the option of putting up a cherished toy when they had a friend over. If it was out, it was fair play, but if you didn't think you could share it, put it away for the whole visit.
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Karuuna
Member
08-31-2000
| Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 10:11 am
I'm sorry, Julie, there are apparently bigger issues with parenting here. I think the mom could have easily planned some semi-special activity for the other kids, asking them what they would like to do to make themselves feel better. That's an important lesson in life, not to protect our children from the simple realities, but to be empathic when they are upset and then show them ways of dealing with their disappointment.
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Pcakes2
Member
08-29-2001
| Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 11:58 am
I am not a parent, so I know nothing...but... When does it stop? At what age are the children allowed their individual outings? How prepared for life are they if they can only attend things that they are all invited to? Things sure have changed since I was a kid...if you got invited someplace great! Yippee! If ya didn't, you got over it and went outside and played....tomorrow was a new day!
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 12:18 pm
I am picturing dating.......you can't date unless your sibling go along. Wait, that might not be such a bad idea! LOL
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Denecee
Member
09-05-2002
| Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 12:51 pm
Texannie, that's the way my old boss remembered it going. She was made to go out with her older brother and his friends to keep him out of trouble. My three oldest grandchildren ages 3,4 and 6 already know that most times they have to take turns at my house and they do get a little hurt when it's not there turn. I just assure them that their turn will come and I love them just the same.
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