Author |
Message |
Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Monday, January 17, 2005 - 9:28 am
Dana, I actually used this the other night. My dad's wife called to invite us to dinner, and we just really didn't want to go. (she can be rather disorganized and you end up eating at 11 pm!). I just said "gosh, thanks but we have other plans". of course, our other plans were eating were not being there! LOL
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Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Monday, January 17, 2005 - 12:47 pm
I never would have thougth that a child's party could be so complicated! 
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Landi
Member
07-29-2002
| Monday, January 17, 2005 - 1:17 pm
the rule was always: 1. if you hand out invitations at the school/preschool/daycare - everyone is invited. period. 2. if you want specific children invited only, you mail invitations. 3. you do not have to go to every party, if you don't want to go, you just have "other plans". your child doesn't have to know what the other plans are. gosh, doing housework or washing your hair is "other plans". 4. always keep a child's gift in the $5 range, that way you aren't spending a huge amount of money. 5. parties are fine when children are little, we stopped my daughter's parties at the age of 10, due to cost. (try taking 12 kids ice skatin, with skate rentals. and said we would then only do parties for the "big" birthdays (16,18,21)
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Monday, January 17, 2005 - 1:53 pm
We took the kids to Knott's Berry Farm for Kota's last birthday. Took along my neice, who is a year younger than her, and mom. Kids had a blast! All three said they had more fun that at birthday parties, plus it was enjoyable for us cuz we didn't have to plan, spend a lot of money, and do the before/after cleaning up. Later that week I baked a cake, invited the kids cousins and a few neighbor kids over. That was great, the kids came, had cake, and then they all went outside to play for awhile before going home. Caleb's already decided he doesn't want a party this year and I've been thinking maybe we might take the kids and two nephews to the beach for his. All I know is after years of having big birthday parties for them, and then one year that Dakota's was an absolute disaster it was nice to give them up and do things with just a couple kids.
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Danas15146
Member
03-31-2004
| Monday, January 17, 2005 - 2:04 pm
Wargod - are you going to share the disaster story?????
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Monday, January 17, 2005 - 2:51 pm
Dakota's 4th birthday. We had decided to move away from the huge parties, and had cut out guest list down to just the kids five cousins (and their parents,) and the neighbors three kids. Set the date of the party, and Darren found out about a week later he had to work that night. So we reset the time to later in the evening so that he could at least be there for part of it. Day I took the neighbor's invitation over she read the card, and told me they were going out of town that weekend. No big deal, we understand. The kids uncles and aunts call and say they will be here. Day of the party sis and bil come over and help set up, move the patio table, etc. Just getting everything ready so later we would have nothing to do. They go home. About 2 hours before the party sis calls me in tears. Bil's grandmother was rushed to the hospital and they didn't expect her to live. Rest of the family (kids uncles, aunts and cousins) had taken off to Arizona to be with them. Sis and bil were only ones who couldn't go because he had to work and couldn't afford to take a few days off. So with the exception of sis and bil, and the neighbor kids who were out of town, our entire guest list was on their way out of state. We completely understood and would have felt bad if they hadn't gone, but Kota, at 4, was absolutely crushed. We talked about postponing the party, but that would have been worse for her. We explained to her why they'd had to go and that she had promises they'd come by and see her when they got back, but she was little and all she really understood was that no one had come to her party. She did however, have a blast during the next couple weeks when everybody started coming back home, and came to visit her. She was feeling mighty special that they were coming just to see her, lol. It was just one of those things. She should have been having fun and instead spent the evening in my lap in tears cuz she couldn't understand why her cousins weren't there. I will say Dakota has never had any luck with birthday parties, except for her first one. 2nd birthday party mom, sis and I had to leave for awhile to go to a baby shower for a girl my mom and step dad had half raised growning up. When we got back there's been a food fight and chocolate cake was from one end of my house to the next. 3rd birthday party was four days after 9/11. We seriously considered cancelling it until a few people I talked to asked us not to. Our neighbor's reserve unit had been put on notice they might be leaving and we had friends who had family in New York, so it wasn't a real happy party. We were still pretty raw and emotional. None of us were really in the mood for a party, but at the same time it was helpful and healing to be with family and friends and to reaffirm the good things in life. The 4th birthday party though was the one that just pushed me over that edge of really not enjoying them much. After that we went to the, hey where going to bbq and have cake, or we're going here, if you want to come, come, if not we understand. She really liked Knotts and told us it was the best birthday she'd had, which was more important to me than having everyone over to the house for a big party.
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Graceunderfyre
Member
01-21-2004
| Monday, January 17, 2005 - 7:19 pm
oh War that's awful!!! Last year for DS's 1st bday and my dad's 60th bday, we planned to host a HUGE cookout on the property DH maintained. I live closer to most of my dad's relatives, so we thought this was the perfect solution. Instead, DH got a fabulous new job in IL and we moved away in June. I was so depressed I didn't want to have a party at all and it ended up that my mom hosted a huge family party after the grand 60th we put on for dad and then MIL & FIL hosted a family party here a few weeks before we went down to VA for dad's party. In between these two parties, DS was thrown another surprise party by our friends back in PA when we went out there to visit. So he got 3 Surprise Parties - none of which I planned DH and I have talked about this a lot because we run into the problem that we have traditionally taken a 2 week vacation around our anniversary which happens to also be 2 days after DS birthday whose bday is 2 days after my dad's. We have decided that we will host one huge open house/party at the end of July to celebrate life and everyone in the family's birthday/anniversary/name day. We rarely do much for our birthdays right now mainly because my birthday is normally in the middle of lent and DH is not much of a social bug. We do plan on letting our kids pick out their favorite meal to be eaten that night and they can invite a few friends to eat with us. I am a party person and I love to do costumes and themes and that kind of stuff. . .so I tend to throw parties for no reason at all everytime we turn around. DH is just so silly about making a big deal about gifts and that kind of stuff that he really doesn't like emphasizing it. I'm working on him. My mom is the party queen. She goes all out - we were always allowed to invite whoever the heck we wanted and then she'd do a themed party of our choice. One year, my bro was in her 2nd grade class in private school (there was a second teacher that taught the gifted kids for half a day so she didn't have him the whole day) so she ended up inviting 50 kids so it wouldn't look like she was playing favorites. For my 16th birthday I think she basically invited the entire state of Rhode Island plus a lot of CT and MA. But my family is large so they don't think twice about hosting small intimate parties of 100. In regards to this preschool I can believe that kids are talking like this. It truly is a reflection of what they hear at home, but it's a fact that people in this day and age still talk like that. It's a fact of life that people will be like that, I can't tell you how often my bros or I were turned down for a date because the person wasn't allowed to date non whites or because they themselves thought it was "unequally yoking". It's painful to say the least and it's def. something you don't want to think 3 year olds are thinking about. But they do - in a Sunday School class I taught for 3 & 4 year olds, the kids and I had VERY long discussions on more than one occassion about why my skin was brown and theirs was not. Really the only thing you can do at that age is talk to your own child and make sure they understand how you feel about the subject. And they will listen and understand - you already know they will keep asking why if they don't! Dee I'm glad you spoke to the teacher because it is something she can talk about in school. As far as not inviting them to your party I'm not sure it's worth it. People who are bold enough to talk so negatively in front of their 3 year olds will not care if someone snubs them in that way. And what kind of lesson does that teach? I'm not saying to sit back and accept that people are racist and do nothing about it. But maybe you can explain to your kids that there are people out there who think the color of a person's skin means something and it's sad because they loose out on life. I'm afraid that by intentionally not inviting kids to a party you may suggest to your DS that's it's ok to snub kids this way and when she is older she may snub other girls. We all know how it hurts to be snubbed as a kid where birthday parties are concerned and maybe the lesson should be we need to learn to like everyone not to hate specific people. Does this sound right? That's just my . BTW, it is possible that the girl is getting this from another source besides parents (maybe grandparents or aunts/uncles) - do you think it would be too much to ask her parents if she's aware that she's telling your daughter this? I know I'd feel awkward doing it, but they seriously could be in the dark about it.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, January 18, 2005 - 5:40 pm
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
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Graceunderfyre
Member
01-21-2004
| Tuesday, January 18, 2005 - 5:48 pm
lol Julie 
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Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Tuesday, January 18, 2005 - 10:43 pm
Graceunderfyre, It saddens my heart that anyone would take my innocent and loving child and taint her. I want to protect her from hatred and stupidity and of course I cannot. The best defence I can give her is knowledge and courage to ignore such people, and hopefully later to stand up for what is right. Thank you for your words and of course I will be inviting everyone to the party. Maybe they just won't come!
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Graceunderfyre
Member
01-21-2004
| Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 4:45 pm
Dee you do what you can, you know? This world is not perfect. But that's the great thing about kids, they really do understand when you explain it to them and they aren't afraid to use your words as their defense when they argue about stuff. Glad to hear you're above the pettiness - you are a great example for kids!
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 8:43 pm
Julie your #5 is absolutely the best one..LOL Grace, YUP. Talking to your kids about situations is the best advice. War, sounds like you handled everything great with Kota despite the problems.
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Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Monday, January 24, 2005 - 6:22 pm
Do most parents come to and stay for a party of a four year old? I would. Does everyone?
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Graceunderfyre
Member
01-21-2004
| Monday, January 24, 2005 - 6:24 pm
I think most parents will but I think some don't. My neice's 5 yr party there were quite a few parents that didn't stay - but maybe it's the year that makes the difference?
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Jmm
Member
08-16-2002
| Monday, January 24, 2005 - 6:27 pm
Dee, It always depended on who it was. If it was a family I knew well and my child had visited them often, I would leave and get some errands done. If I really didn't know them well enough to be comfortable that they would watch my child as well as I would, then I stayed.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Monday, January 24, 2005 - 6:31 pm
what jmm said!
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Monday, January 24, 2005 - 7:59 pm
I hate when the parents stay! I feel like I have to entertain them also!
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Monday, January 24, 2005 - 9:01 pm
It's funny. My son is 4.5 years older than my daughter. When she was in PreK, I took her to a party and got ready to leave and the mom looked at me like I was unfit...I had forgotten that you stay at that age! LOL
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Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Monday, January 24, 2005 - 9:12 pm
Pamy, that is what I am thinking! If they are going to stay can I assign duties to them? 
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Monday, January 24, 2005 - 9:35 pm
Of course you can, Dee. We always do, lol. Though I will say most of the people at our parties are good friends/family and the parties we attend are for good friends/families children, so I'm pretty comfy asking so and so to grab the goodie bags off the kitchen counter or whatever I need help with. Caleb's starting to get to that age where he's being invited to friends parties without Kota being invited. And pretty much like Jmm, it depends on how well we know the family if we're going to leave him alone or if one of us will go with him and stay. There's a couple kids that we know the families, have been to their houses that I'd have no problem leaving him for a couple hours, but there's some kids that we don't know the parents at all. Texannie, that's kinda funny, lol. We had a mom at tball do that last year with her little one. She dropped him off, watched him walk in the gate to the park, then took off. She was only gone about 15 minutes before she came racing back. Same thing, had an older child she could drop off and leave and just completely flaked with the little one.
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Monday, January 24, 2005 - 11:01 pm
Yep, if they insist on staying they are put to work! LOL
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Monday, January 24, 2005 - 11:01 pm
ps..I always tell the parents when they rsvp that the party is for THEM too! They get to have a few hours to themselves, most are thrilled!
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Danas15146
Member
03-31-2004
| Thursday, January 27, 2005 - 11:11 am
Just a little gripe -- turns out I will have to invite my son's whole class (24). There are only three or four that he doesn't want to ask and I can't do that.
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Thursday, January 27, 2005 - 5:42 pm
Remember about half won't come.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Thursday, January 27, 2005 - 5:48 pm
Danas, are you having it at your house?
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