Author |
Message |
Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, February 28, 2005 - 7:44 am
Actually depending on your income, the state would pay for nursing home care.
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Lumbele
Member
07-12-2002
| Monday, February 28, 2005 - 8:59 am
Who, isn't there a way to give you a vacation, where a social agency or nursing home takes over her care for a few weeks? They wouldn't be likely to adjust to her schedule and a few weeks just might be enough to get her into a routine that you could carry on upon your return. It might also make her realise just how good she has it with you and make her more considerate of your needs.
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Calamity
Member
10-18-2001
| Monday, February 28, 2005 - 12:33 pm
Whoami: I'm not one who usually speaks up online during this sort of discussion but your situation really troubles me. Without knowing anything more about your family and your living arrangements than what you've posted here, I'm a little worried that I may have a distorted view of what's going on so please forgive any misperceptions I may have. It seems that your mother is almost completely dependent on you alone for her day-to-day care. No matter how much one loves someone, that's a tremendous strain & responsibility. For the sake of your own health and well-being, you ought to have some outside assistance. And please don't take this the wrong way but your mom may also benefit from having someone else stop by to check on her from time to time. The manipulation, resentment, and control issues probably stem from the fact that you are daughter and mother. It's a little easier for an "outsider" to deal with these problems because she won't be conflicted by all the emotional baggage that comes with family relationships. Your mom's drinking really concerns me. I know that some would say it would just be too cruel to expect an elderly person to make such a dramatic change in her life as giving up booze but in this case not only is your mom's alcoholism hurting herself, it's hurting you as well (and probably other loved ones). Same thing goes for the smoking. If she's unwilling or unable to commit to giving them up (or at the very least, dramatically cut down on them), then it's not likely things will improve much for you. So it's imperative that you make some healthy, positive changes for yourself! Please don't hesitate because you're afraid of feeling guilty. The harsh truth is, you'll likely feel guilty whether you do anything or not. It's terrible to feel trapped by one's circumstances and I sort of got the sense that that's how you feel. What you need to do is not let any guilt or fear stop you from having a happier, more fulfilling life. It's tough, I know, but both you and your mom deserve it. I hope those links above will lead you to some much needed help. Good luck and take care.
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Whoami
Member
08-03-2001
| Monday, February 28, 2005 - 5:36 pm
LOL Sea, you have Mom pegged pretty good there! And I thought those of you who met her only met her sweet side! I'm much better today. I think I slept (off and on) something like 12 hours. I woke up once at about 8/9 hours, got up and hit the bathroom (us Browns can't not hit the bathroom once we wake up!). Debated staying up, but was still pretty tired. I listened to make sure Mom wasn't up yet, then laid back down. Woke up at 10 hours and had a horrid headache. So I took some Advil and laid back down to relax and let it kick back in. I even set my alarm for a half hour later (since I read somewhere that stuff like Advil takes a half hour to take effect). But, I guess I set it wrong or something, cause I didn't wake up again for another 2 hours! Yikes! Well, I guess I needed it. I'm still even now a bit on the groggy side. To answer a few things.... A nursing home is out of the question. It was so awful to see Mom in that one for the two weeks of care she had to have before she could come home. I'd have to be physically incapable to take care of her myself for it to get that far, and we're not there yet. When she was in the hospital and rehab after the stroke, she did have a schedule. That went on for a month and a half, but she reverted right back to her old ways when she came home (including the smoking/drinking). I've asked her what she did in the hospital when it was bedtime. She says she had her tv on real low and just laid there in bed and watched tv all night. We keep talking about getting a small tv for her room. She says maybe if she could lay in bed and watch tv till she falls asleep, she might be inclined to go to bed sooner. I just need to look into it and make sure we can afford it. It would also mean getting her room wired for cable. It is on the agenda. Just need to look into it. She's well aware that the alcoholism and smoking affects me and the rest of the family. But, she's not about to do anything about it. You know, when I tell her how I'm so tired I'm ready to collapse, and she just sort of shuts me out? Well, I was thinking of that last night. She made a comment recently about how her Mom used to berate her and tell her things like, "ones of these days I'm going to die and then you'll be sorry." So I wonder if she sort of shuts me out cause it reminds her of my grandmother. Truthfully, many times I think Mom rebels against me cause she couldn't against my grandmother. Its sort of like she's "paying her back" through me. Anyway, I think I've hogged up enough of this thread in the last couple of days. I didn't mean for this to get so personal. I should have put it in the other gripe section under the members area. Mom really is a good person beyond the things the stroke and the drinking has done to her. That's probably why I allow so much to go on. I remember the woman she was. I respect her too much for what she's been through and what she's done for us when we were growing up. I think what it boils down to is, I just wish she'd respect me in return. Thank you everyone for your comments, support, links and all. I really appreciate it.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, February 28, 2005 - 7:33 pm
Ok I'm going to be blunt(like when am I ever not lol). The nursing home you had wasn't a good one then. They need to be researched and there are some good ones, both of my grandparents started out in a shitty one and my mom and aunts moved them to a much better one. The thing with nursing homes is that you do have to stay on top of them. I'm sure War may have some comments about that since she used to work in one I believe. 2. Your mom's mobility is limited right? Now I don't have alot of experience with this, just limited, but this to me says that she can't physically go out and get any booze. So I wouldn't buy it. 3. Who if you don't get some help and soon you won't be any good to yourself or your mom. And if you can't be there then what's going to happen? Someone else will have to step in then. Now take these comments with a grain of salt though cause in my family it's always been that strangers would take care of you better than family. Keep your head up.
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Hippyt
Member
06-15-2001
| Thursday, March 03, 2005 - 12:13 pm
You know Who, you could get a small used tv at a pawn shop for very little money. Too bad you aren't closer,I have one I'd give you. It would cost more to ship than it's worth though. Here's my gripe today. I finally get off my butt to go get a new shower curtain. The place is closed til later for inventory! What the heck? What business closes during the day for inventory? grrrr Then I go get me some rice and beans for lunch. FOUR beans does not make it rice and BEANS!!! I think hubby's grouchiness is catching.
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Jbean
Member
01-05-2002
| Tuesday, March 08, 2005 - 5:13 pm
((((who)))) so sorry to read about your problems with your mom. i hope things are getting better for you. that makes my gripe seem really petty, but here goes anyway. and i saved this from last week, because i was so pissed, i could hardly SEE STRAIGHT, and had to cool off for a bit. last week at work, on wednesday i got loaned out to another department because it is short-staffed (the reason is a whole other rant, so i won't get into that, lol), but anyway, the department i was (and still am) loaned out to is directly associated with our department. well, they have had a woman gone from her job since the beginning of november, and still haven't replaced her, so they have had several other people, besides me loaned out to the department, because there is too much to do for the other woman who is left down there. so my coworker in my department complains about every single person who gets loaned to the dept, that they are too slow, and aren't getting enough done. my opinion is give em a brake, when you are just over there for a couple of days you can't really go as fast as an experienced person. so when i found out i was loaned out over there, i was worried about her griping about me, even though she is supposed to be my friend. well, guess what? yep, sure enough, she griped to the other woman down there that i was too slow. and even told her not to show me how to do something, to see if i "remembered how to do it". how in the hell are you supposed to remember how to do something that you have never done before? OMG! it was like she was just trying to be purposely mean to me. (some friend, huh) later on in the day, she came and talked to the other woman in the department again, then left. so i asked the other woman if she said anything else...she was hesistant to say anything, and i knew then, that she had said something to her. yep, more complaining, telling her "please tell me that's not all she's gotten done today". so the other lady came to my defense, because i'd actually gotten quite a bit done...did more than my share of work for the allotted time. still not good enough. but rather than saying something to me, she went behind my back and said something to the other lady, and said it "Wasn't their place to say something to me". well, that pissed me off. you can only work as fast as you can work. this all happened before break, and i wasn't about to go to break and set with her at the same table. i didn't want her to be mad at the other lady because she'd told me, but i was so pissed at this point that i was crying, and i told the other lady that i wasn't going to break, because i didn't want to have to see her. she more or less made me, but we left so late that we missed her. she was leaving when i was going down there and she says to me "you're late" i said "yeah" and went on. when she came over later on to the dept, i counted what i had done, completely avoided looking at her or listening to her when she was over there, wrote down my shit (which, btw was over 8 hours worth of work according to our standards) and handed it to her. i could not believe how 2 faced she was! i think she knew that the other lady told me, because she hasn't complained to her about me since. the other lady felt bad, because i was so pissed, but i told her i was glad she told me. i would rather know what people are saying about me than to look like an idiot....nice to know who you can trust. i'm over it now. i just know who to trust and who not to now. if she can't tell me to my face, but go behind my back, that's all i needed to know.
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Whoami
Member
08-03-2001
| Tuesday, March 08, 2005 - 5:39 pm
Jbean, first of all, nobody's gripe is ever petty! If its something that's upset you, and is important to you, then its important....period. I'll get back to your gripe in a minute. First, let me do some catching up! Mocha, thank you for your input. I didn't respond earlier cause I was truthfully just trying to let my issue die for now. I don't like hogging up a thread. Life isn't all about me after all. LOL. If I'd known I'd escalate my gripe into what it got into, I would have put it in the more personal Vent thread in the Members area. My bad. Hip, we're officially searching for a TV for Mom's room! That should make some things a lot easier. As for your gripe, don't you just hate when you make a special effort to go somewhere, and that's when they chose to close down for a while? Reminds me of the time my credit union kept messing up my account, to the point I had to go there in person to get them to fix it. I arrive at their doors to a "closed due to water main break" sign. But there was still someone in there. I told them, "uh, NO. I did not take a half hour ride on the bus to come over here and go back home. You're here, I'm here. Let me in and lets get this taken care of." Apparently I looked PO'ed enough that they decided they better not PO me any more, cause they let me in! . I wish I could learn how to get that "I mean business" look on my face more often! OK Jbean, back to you! Maybe you can look at your friend with a bit of pity. After all, her self esteem must be pretty bad if the only way she can feel superior is to go around bad-mouthing people, especially one who considers her a friend. I've had friends like that. I've found I can still be a friend to them, but I just put them on my caution list (as far at trust goes). Its too bad she's had to end up on yours.
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, March 08, 2005 - 10:02 pm
This is hours later and I'm still fuming. This afternoon Dakota and I ran to my sisters house before going over to watch Caleb practice. Nice day out, I had the windows down in the car and we're having a nice drive across town. She was little chatter box the whole way there, but we were having a pretty good time. We get to a stop light where I'm in the turn lane and this younger guy pulls up next to us. Train comes through, we're stuck. Windows down, music thumping. Now let me say, I don't mind loud music and I really don't mind well any type of music. My taste are pretty much all over the place and sometimes i like to crank up my music. That's not the point though. My rant, whatever this kid was listening to was just foul. I'm no prude but there are certain words I'd rather my six year old not know. With my hearing, it did take me a couple seconds to figure out what I was hearing and I rolled up the car windows as soon as I did catch the lyrics. Of course not before I heard her ask so innocently what another word for kitten meant! In the process of calmly (or so I'd like to think) explaining what this word means and why she should never say it and why it's offensive, this kid cranks up his stereo even louder! I know this guy saw her sitting there. When she asked me what this word meant I turned to look at her (she was sitting behind the passenger seat peering out the window at him and he looked over at her.) I'm steamed! Wasn't like I asked the guy to turn the crap down, I just rolled up the windows (only three since the fourth doesn't roll up) so she wouldn't have to hear this shit, and he cranks it up so loud she has to hear it! I don't have a stereo in my car so can't drown it out, I'm trying to keep her attention on me, and she keeps saying, "Ohhhhh mommy, that's a bad word!" I wanna know why I can't drive my six year old for a drive without having to explain what certain words mean and why she shouldn't have to hear them and shouldn't say them!
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Tuesday, March 08, 2005 - 10:07 pm
Don't they have distrubing the peace laws for that?? I also think they have a law about loud offensive music thumping in cars in CA, not sure though. What an ass that guy was. JB, that just sucks!!! hope you have a better day tomarrow
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Wednesday, March 09, 2005 - 12:09 am
Probably Pamy. If there had been a cop anywhere around they probably would have pulled him over for it. Course this morning when I dropped the kids off at school and got a parking ticket one was right there! Jbean any chance you'll be getting out of that department anytime soon? It sucks when work is even more difficult cuz of people who can't just do their jobs and have to talk about other people.
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Abby7
Member
07-17-2002
| Wednesday, March 09, 2005 - 1:10 am
Wargod, your post makes me mad just reading it. Sounds like the idiot was just trying to get you upset (meaning after seeing you roll up the windows, made him even try harder by turning up the sound more). I would have ignored the guy, but taken down his license plate number. Then gone to the police....just tell them what you just posted. Not that it would work....but you never know...a caring/sharp cop might take note of the license plate....who knows what could happen to the idiot in the future. However, good that you kept your cool during the incident. Does not help to get upset when you are dealing with an idiot...(and I know I'm not telling you something you don't already know). Just posting to tell you I'm sorry that you and your Dakota had to experience that. Obviously, especially Dakota.
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Resortgirl
Member
09-23-2000
| Wednesday, March 09, 2005 - 6:32 am
Jbean, Sorry you had to put up with that! Just keep your chin up, do your job and know this, unscrupulous, backstabbers do get theirs! Karma baby!! (((War))) I don't blame you for being mad! What a jerk! WHO~ You are wrong about one thing... it IS all about you. You are the most important person in this world, and you have got to take care of your needs first. I have a couple of suggestions. One, I would plan your meals and the times to serve them, and if you're mom is awake and hungry, great! If not, I wouldn't be stressing over getting a roast on the table at 1 am in the morning. That is just asking too much. As long as she is getting proper nutrition, you've done your job. I know we've discussed taking the booze away from her, but not being a medical doctor, I don't know what the physical or emotional affects would be to do that. I know that it would be tough on you though. My best advice is to find an alanon group for yourself. They have years of experience and a wealth of knowledge about dealing with the alcoholic. They could provide you with many resources on the subject, and some compassion on what your daily life is becoming. I'm sure that someone would talk to you by phone. I know that you think your mom is too old to change her ways, and you may be right. But you have a right and really an obligation to yourself to be happy and fullfilled in the life that was given to you. Even if you take baby steps to a positive change for yourself, it will be one step closer to the life you can envision for yourself. If you think that a small TV is something that would help the situation I think you should investigate it. I would be more then happy to chip in on it! Email me with some details. You have always been a source of strength and inspiration to me Who, and I hate to see you getting beaten down by the horrible disease of alcoholism. It's not your mom... it the booze. That's the enemy and I hope that somehow you can beat the beast!! Love you!
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Kady
Member
07-30-2000
| Wednesday, March 09, 2005 - 4:41 pm
RG...your post to Who is just one of the most beautiful things I've read in awhile. I could just feel the outpouring of love in your words. It was full of good advice and ideas. 
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Whoami
Member
08-03-2001
| Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 3:35 pm
{{{RG}}} What a sweet and loving lady you are! I'll get an e-mail off to ya later tonight. You certainly don't need to chip in, we're already looking for a TV. But I'll e-mail ya anyway cause I want to! 
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Whoami
Member
08-03-2001
| Wednesday, April 06, 2005 - 9:44 pm
Why can't things just work the way they're supposed to the first time? Why do I have to endure the "Brown Family Curse" every freaking bloody time I try to do something? Read my latest post HERE for my latest escapade....
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Thursday, April 07, 2005 - 9:22 am
I hate Comcast! I have been trying to get a cable outlet in my bedroom for 2 weeks now and I'm beginning to think there are forces greater than me that don't want me to. My first appt. was last Wednesday, between 5-8. I rush home and wait. At 7:15, I call to see when I might expect them. I'm told it's only 7:17 but he can tell me the tech is in route to my home from somewhere. At 8:00, I get a call from a woman telling me the tech is running about 45 minutes behind but will be there. At 9:00 I call and after being cut off twice I finally get a live person at 9:30, only to be told that the tech has already gone off duty and I will have to reschedule. Fine. I reschedule for this Wednesday between 5-8 with the assurance they will call me 30 minutes ahead of time so I don't have to leave work early. Yesterday: I get home at 5:30. My dad had been working outside and told me the cable guy came 15 minutes before but since he was looking for H (account is in his name), he wasn't sure so told him he would have to come back. Tech says I need to call and reschedule. I immediately call Comcast who has no record of anyone already coming to my house so it is still on the schedule. Dispatch will call within 30 minutes to tell me when. It is now 5:45. At 7:00 dispatch calls to tell me I am next on the list. At 7:45 dispatch calls to tell me tech is running behind but will be there. At 9:30 I call only to be told that the tech had already been here before I got home and I would have to reschedule. I told dispatch this was unacceptable and he said he would try to get someone out there immediately and would call back in 15 minutes. Dispatch calls back at 10:30 and says a tech is on his way to my house from DeSoto. Now, even if you are coming from the other side of DeSoto, it should have been 30 minutes tops. At 11:30 just as I am about to call them back and tell them forget it, my doorbell rings. The first words out of the tech's mouth are, "You're still up?" He goes to the truck, brings back box and cord, goes to the room, comes back and asks where the outlet is. Since I am no too tired to kill him, I tell him he is supposed to do this. He calls dispatch, they act surprised and say they will have to come back. They then tell me to give them a time, any time, and they will be there. Okay, 7:30 Thursday morning. Sorry, don't start until 8:00. Okay, 8:00 and not a minute later. Sorry, can't guarantee that - how about Thursday afternoon. I have plans - how about Friday afternoon. Okay. Then, to top it off, the tech gets a phone call from his daughter and stands there for 5 minutes arguing with her. He then sits down like he has come for a visit. I stand up and show him the door. Yes, I was alone and, yes, I should not have had them come out so late, but I was way past being rational. Thanks for listening.
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Citruscitygal
Member
08-07-2003
| Thursday, April 07, 2005 - 1:28 pm
(((((((WhoamI))))))) (((((((Native)))))))
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Teachmichigan
Member
07-22-2001
| Thursday, April 07, 2005 - 1:59 pm
AGGHHH!!! I am grading 40 research papers ... about 1/3 of them from my "low" end senior English class and 2/3 from my college bound/ dual-enrollment senior class. I am ready to scream after going through only half of my "low" end papers! I feel as if the TWO months we've been working on these things has been me talking to a brick wall. I used other students papers as examples, add one or two small things to each draft (this time it was supposed to be transitions and citations), and they keep turning in the same crap overand over. I know English is not their favorite subject, so I explain things in three or four different ways, offer examples, have online links for help, and basically have availalbe anything and everything that could help them IF they used it. They, however, choose NOT to. This project is a MAJOR part of their grade and they present it to the community in a month. They could choose any problem/solution topic they were interested in. It is NOT rocket science. They have a handbook that I've created that shows them how to go through each step of the research process; we've practiced paragraph structure until the cows come home, and yet they can't put together a 4 page paper that is correctly cited and moves smoothly from one point to another. The number one cause -- they are NOT following directions! I not only give step by step instructions, I pull up examples for previous student papers to SHOW them what I'm looking for. Heck, half of them haven't even bothered to add the two appendixes that are required. It just plain ole' pisses me off that I'm wasting my time grading the darn things on MY vacation, when I've obvioulsy worked five times as hard as they have. Teaching SUCKS!
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Friday, April 08, 2005 - 12:47 pm
Teach, please know that we appreciate what you and your comrades do for our children. It can't be easy teaching a bunch of kids who are about to go out into the world and think they already know everything.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Saturday, April 09, 2005 - 5:22 pm
Why is it, when you PAY to send your child on a really cool overnight Girl scout campout, that said child stays up all friggin' night and then comes home and is snarky and rude to the person who paid for the trip????? Did I make her stay up all night? I hate snarky kids!!!!!!!
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Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Saturday, April 09, 2005 - 5:35 pm
LOL! Check this out! CLICK HERE
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Thursday, April 14, 2005 - 4:31 pm
Unbelievable!!!!!!!! i went to Kroger yesterday and they wouldn't accept my check. what the????? call them today and they say the check was returned and i was in 'the system' as a risk. what???? call my bank and they are adamant that they haven't returned any checks nor would they because i have overdraft protection. call back Kroger they email me the check and yep it's mine. get on a conference call with the bank, Kroger and me. turns out my account has been flagged for possible theft!!! but from a completely different branch. call that branch and it turns out last Monday (the 4th) some lady was cashing a check made out to her, check was imprinted with a name, address on it, but for some reason the teller got suspicious and pulled the signature card and lo and behold, it was my account!!!!! someone had gotten my number and printed up new checks with their name on it!! the bank immediately flagged the account, but couldn't reach us cause they had the wrong area code for us (Houston went to 10 digit dialing a while ago, but they didn't have the new one) so I have been blithefully writing checks that are now being returned and i am having to send cashiers checks to cover it all. they are waiving any fees cause it was theft. the bank is being wonderful. we closed that account and they are monitoring the old one. what a total pain in the ass!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Landi
Member
07-29-2002
| Thursday, April 14, 2005 - 5:16 pm
annie, was any money actually taken from your account?
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Thursday, April 14, 2005 - 5:27 pm
thankfully, and so far we don't think so. this smart thinking teller seems to have saved us. dh is taking her a gc tomorrow. but i am 'bouncing' checks all over town cause of the FEDERAL theft hold put on my account.
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