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WWYD - Maybe in the wrong place ....

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2005 Mar. ~ 2005 May: Parneting Room (ARCHIVES): WWYD - Maybe in the wrong place .... users admin

Author Message
Danas15146
Member

03-31-2004

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 - 9:51 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I am putting this in parenting because you all may be able to better understand my feelings on this - and you all always have such great advice.

I have recently gotten back in touch with a girl that I was great friends with in jr. high who moved out of state. Learned that she has had it VERY rough - got pregnant early, was homeless with her kids for a while, etc. Needless to say as much as I complain about my life - things are looking pretty good compared to what this poor woman has been through and is still going through to a certain extent.

Although I am by no means wealthy - my family is pretty lucky - especially when I hear things like this. We have our own house in a good neighborhood, safe schools and my kids have what they need and a great deal of what they want. I was thinking that I would like to send her a Visa gift card. I know it wouldn't be enough to cover any large expenses but it would be enough that she would be able to maybe get a treat for her kids or take her family out to dinner. If it were you, receiving this from someone that you hadn't spoken with in many years (not going to date myself by telling ya how many) would you be offended? I don't want to appear to be being pretenious - I just want to do something to let her know how much her friendship meant to me growing up and make things a little easier for her (at least for a very short time). I can't imagine the pain of your child wanting a small treat and knowing you were not able to get it for them.

Any thoughts?

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 - 11:45 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Dana, I can tell you my answer to a similar situation, if that helps.

The husband of a dear friend of mine lost his job 4 years ago and has not been able to find one in his field in our area since; although he has looked very hard. They've struggled to get along on her income, but last year went through an even more difficult time because she was ill and had to take time off work without being paid. So I sent her a gift card anonymously just saying that it was from someone who knew they were struggling and just wanted to help out a bit. When she got it, she even told me about it - never suspected it was from me. I got a great private warmth out of seeing her smile over that.

The nice thing about anonymous giving is that it doesn't cause any weirdness between you. And unfortunately, sometime these things can. If you want to do it non-anonymously, I would actually buy them something, rather than give money.

Another way you can handle this would be to do the donation through her church.

Hope that helps. You're really a kind soul for wanting to do something so thoughtful!

Kep421
Member

08-11-2001

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 - 12:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Wow...that is so sweet. Seems to me the greatest gift you can give her would be the rebuilding of your friendship. Friends like you are worth so much more....

Danas15146
Member

03-31-2004

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 - 4:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Kep - it is just as much of a gift to me as it is to her - believe me. We are still in different states - so it is hard to do much to help.

Karuuna - in the spirit of anonymous - check out the military support thread (cause if I type it again I'll start bawling again). I may take your advice on that one and send something without signing.

Thanks for the advice.

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 - 6:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I would send it to her with a note telling her how much her friendship meant to you back then and that you wanted to send a little something for her to treat herself.

Graceunderfyre
Member

01-22-2004

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 - 8:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Sorry to disagree but if you haven't kept in touch it may seem a little weird to just send something out of the blue with your name attached to it.

I know this will sound crass, but another thing to keep in mind is that it seems a bit odd to me that she told you so much of her struggles after not seeing you for so long. It's almost as if she remembers you being a soft hearted and good person and is hoping to get your sympathies. The only reason I say that is I know my husband, brothers and I are all magnets for people that have issues. I always feel bad for them (as do the men in my life) and want to do things like what you want to do. Sometimes I do and sometime I don't.

You haven't really told us enough of the circumstances to be sure if this is someone that is trying to set you up or is really just catching up - it's something you have to decide. From what you've said, I can't really tell if she would be offended or not. If she's looking for sympathies, then she'll be happy. I think it is one of those things that you have to judge on how well you know her and what you think her intentions are. (I'm not asking for details)

If you are sending it anonymous, then you obviously can't tell her details of what she means to you without giving yourself away. But it might actually be better to not include the personal note just to play it safe.