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Another WWYD....

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2005 Mar. ~ 2005 May: Parneting Room (ARCHIVES): Another WWYD.... users admin

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Archive through February 01, 2005Secretsmile25 02-01-05  10:32 am
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Graceunderfyre
Member

01-21-2004

Tuesday, February 01, 2005 - 6:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Bubbakitty - Some people have a knack for making kids feel comfortable around them. Your sister may not be one of those people but it sure sounds like you are. When my husband told me the jr. hi age was his favorite I knew it was a sign from God that he was my man because it's my favorite too.

A good friend of mine has 9 kids that she homeschools. When she had the 8th and 9th kids, I spent a few days a week helping her out with the schooling along with another friend of ours. One day, I was teasing the older kids (between ages 9-12) about boys and girls they were im-ing (they are in PA's Online Charter school so it honestly was part of their school work). In teasing them, they all confessed to who they liked and who liked them and first kisses and that type of thing. I was telling the mutual friend about it and she literally turned red and said I can't believe you brought that up with them - they are too young for that kind of thing (because the myth is that since they are home schooled they are sheltered). I laughed at her and told her that they always talk to me about stuff like that and their mom knows - in fact she asks me to sometimes so she can keep up without prying. I think that was probably the first time I realized that some people seriously cannot talk to teens/preteens about things that normal kids go through.

You are lucky that you have the type of step mom relationship that you do have - cuz I know some that have awful relationships. You also seem to have a good influence on them which also sounds like a good thing. They may not be able to talk honestly with their mom (or she could be clueless) so it's good that they do have you. I'd encourage that as much as possible - even tell them to email/call if they want. It sounds like they'd be really receptive to it and your DH would be happy too!

Wapland
Member

08-01-2000

Monday, April 18, 2005 - 8:16 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
SS when I grow up I want to be just like you!

What a wonderful description of your parenting. Your children have been blessed. I am saving it to show my hubby .... and maybe my kids! Thank you for giving me so much to think about today.

Fondly
Wappy

p.s. I'm rolling over the nursing home comment.

Rache
Member

05-20-2004

Monday, April 18, 2005 - 1:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I think the trick is to NOT try to be a friend to your children, but to try to be their parent in every instance. The thing that caught my eye the most SS, is that you said that you and your daughter spent a lot of time together. That is a key thing in being close with your children. DH and I know this, and every extra second we have we spend it with DD, either playing with her or reading to her etc. We don't spend our extra time in front of the TV or various hobbies etc when we could be spending much needed time with our child. We both work all day, and even though at times it would be much easier to sit her down in the front room with us while we relax and try to occupy her time with what we are doing, we avoid that as much as possible.
I also attend college in the evenings and when she can't be with me, she is with DH and vice versa.

It would be very easy for us to pawn her off on a relative on the weekends so we can have "us" time (which sometimes is needed) but we consider "Us" time as family time, because we are all one unit now. Once in a great while, she will go to Grammas just over night so we can have dinner alone, or a night to ourselves, but that is so rare.

DH will go and play with his "toys" sometimes on weekends, and DD is with me, or I will go out with the girls once in a great while, and she is with DH.

Did I have a point? Oh yes, I think the key to closeness is going to be and is quality time. How do you become friends with your child? By being their parent.


Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
WWYD if you found out your friend was pregnant and only wanted to have a girl, and found out she was having a boy and said she doesn't want a boy. Almost cried at the ultra sound when they told her, is depressed she is having a boy? What would you say to her?

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:15 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I wouldn't say anything, I would just listen to her.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
It's getting very irritating. I asked to not say that, that that baby could hear her, and she said she didn't care, and what did I know, i had a girl.

Max
Member

08-12-2000

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I would strongly suggest that she talk to a counselor or psychologist and give her the card of someone as emphasis.

She has issues that you cannot possibly understand or help her through -- she needs professional assistance.

For me, that would be a very, very difficult thing to witness since I tried for a long time to have kids and was never blessed with them. For someone to have the miracle occurring and then resent the gender of the child she was carrying would be very difficult for me. I'd be hard pressed not to get VERY angry with her (which, of course, wouldn't help anyone).



BTW, where is the father in all this?

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
It's not your job to tell her what to feel. As a friend you can point her to a counselor like Max suggested, but you are not qualified to deal with her emotions/feelings any deeper than to just be a friend.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
He didn't want her to find out the sex because he didn't want to hear it for the next 4 months in case it wasn't a girl.

She is not depressed as much as she is just difficult. We said oh how wonderful, boys are great, so sweet, so loving, yadda yadda yadda, and she says yeah, well, I wanted a girl so it really doesn't matter now does it.

I said to her "please don't say that. You will someday feel very guilty for saying that"

Her reply "No I won't, i want a girl."

So I said, then give him to me or shut up.

Next time she says it I may just kick her little butt! :-)

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Her attitude reminds me of a little kid throwing a temper tantrum for not getting what they want.

I wanted a red sucker WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.

Well wish in one hand.............

Kep421
Member

08-11-2001

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Escapee...I had three children...my first two were girls. While I wanted boys the first two times, by the time I was pregnant for the third child I really didn't think that little boys could be as sweet as little girls. So when I had my son, I was deeply disappointed, so disappointed that I kept turning him away when the nurse asked if I wanted time with him.

I had a C-section, and back then it wasn't the little incision it is now...I was on morphine and they didn't leave the baby with me, I had to be supervised. Anyway, after about 3 days I could tell the nurses were ticked at me (I could feel the sarcasm drip when they spoke to me) so I decided to spend time with him before I got dragged out of my bed and was tarred and feathered.

The nurse laid him in my arms... I was blown away... When she returned an hour later (she wasn't supposed to have left...but she knew what she was doing) and tried to take him back to the nursey, I refused. I had the morphine stopped that day...and my son was the only one of my children who stayed "in room" with me...something not the norm back then...

Just listen to her for now... things will change...

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I hope it will.

I also think she may resent the baby for it being a boy. She is clueless to kids. Lets hope those motherly instincts kick in in a flash, or we'll kick them into her.

Danas15146
Member

03-31-2004

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I know it won't help right now but ...

I love both of my kids dearly. But there is honestly nothing quite like the relationship between a mom and her little boy - JMO!

Kep421
Member

08-11-2001

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
You got that right Dana...My son and I have always been closer then with my daughters... but they didn't mind...they had daddy wrapped around their little fingers so tightly...

LOL

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:43 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Just be a friend and dont judge.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
She seems disgusted. It's hard not to want to knock some sense into her. DD and DH have a special bond, I would also love to have a little boy.

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 4:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I'd go with the counseling idea, although I might have her husband suggest it.

The more you try to tell her to be happy about it, the more she is going to argue with you. Partly because she doesn't feel understood.

Sometimes it's helpful to just go with it - Of course you're disappointed because you wanted a girl. I just don't know what you'll do now. It's going to be really hard.

Sometimes when you give someone permission to feel the way they feel, instead of telling them how they should feel, it makes it easier for them to move on.

Just a thought.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 4:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
As usual, Karuuna, well said!

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 4:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Thanks, Annie!

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 4:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
also, the minute that baby is put in her arms, she won't understand what the heck she ever said the previous months. it's called "love at first sight". hormones, terrible things they are. i remember i was the same way. didn't want a boy, wanted a girl. but heck it could have been a gila monster come out of me and i wouldn't have loved it any less. i would step in front of a speeding car to save my child. i never truly knew what that kind of love was until the moment my child was born. (see picture in my folder for that exact moment.) that's me falling in love.

be firm, be kind with your friend. and listen to karuuna.


Teachmichigan
Member

07-22-2001

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 5:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
After seeing Oprah the other day -- I think I'd go w/the advice of seeking a counselor. Post-partum depression may hit her even harder if the gender isn't what she wanted. Not everyone gets that 'love at first sight' -- even though we hope for it. Good luck.

Graceunderfyre
Member

01-22-2004

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 7:43 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My girlfriend really became manic during her current pregnancy - partly because our Godmother (her best friend) passed away very suddenly from cancer early in the pregnancy and partly due to marital stress. All of her close friends suggested going to therapy and in the end her doctor put her on drugs.

We all had the type of relationship with her that we could tell her you are seriously depressed and need professional help. But I think what helped too was her husband encouraging her to go as well. She went in very unhappily and still says the therapy was not worth it. But she's on the drugs now and is 100% better with the baby due in a few weeks.

If you are able to talk to her about things like that, go for it. But I def. think getting family support (her mom, sister. . .) is also a good idea because that's what family is for. I would highly reccommend telling her NOT to go to her pastor/priest/rabbi/whatever if they are not qualified. This is something I only recently have become vocal about due to what I think is some very BAD counseling from the Priests at my old church with my pregnant girlfriend. My new Priest told me that he didn't do counseling when I first moved here and I remember being really offended. But then later realized that he is very right in saying if you need therapy, you need to go to a professional.

As your every day joe, we can only offer so much support for our friends. It sounds like your friend has been like this for enough time that it's bothering you. So this is the point where you need to point her in a different direction than you.

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 11:40 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I think you need to just listen to her, sympathize with her, and let her mourn this. It can be VERY difficult when you really want one sex and get the other. She has a right to feel disappointed and she needs time to work through that disappointment. If she can't seem to do it on her own and it still upset when the baby is due then she should seek professional help.


Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Sunday, May 15, 2005 - 2:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
NEW QUESTION:

Doesn't really fit in a "what would you do" category, more like a "any suggestions"...

Anyways, we are having a family party for my son's birthday at our house. We'd like to invite a few of the neighbors, some have kids Ryan's age, some don't. I want to invite them, but I don't want them to feel obligated to either come or bring a present.

Any suggestions to how I would word the invite??? OR should I not even invite them?

Max
Member

08-12-2000

Sunday, May 15, 2005 - 2:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
If it's really a casual "stop by if you can" kind of thing, and you'll be doing it in person, just say, "We're having a get-together for Ryan's birthday. If you'd like to stop by, please do. Nothing formal, just a little gathering." That conveys that it's not really a present-giving situation without saying "no presents please".

If you're doing written invites, just do the normal invite and put "Your presence is gift enough." or something similar. We had this question about wedding invites earlier, and I think the same rules apply for birthdays. :-)

As to not wanting them to feel obligated -- if you put the invite out there, they are responsible for how they feel about it, not you. You're not saying, "Join us or we'll really be hurt" are you? You're just saying that you'd love to have them share this special day with you. If they choose to feel 'obligated' rather than join the celebration in a spirit of joy, that's their issue, not yours. :-)

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Sunday, May 15, 2005 - 2:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
hmmm, maybe I should just go door to door and invite them in person like that or call them... I do have a regular invite all made up, but maybe that would be better. (But jeeze, it's be easier/faster to drop somethin' in the mail. There are 7 families.)

Jewels
Member

09-23-2000

Sunday, May 15, 2005 - 3:01 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Are all your family members going to be bringing presents? If so, the neighbors may feel a little strange showing up thinking they weren't supposed to bring anything, but yet other people brought gifts. If it was me, I would feel horrible not bringing anything, just to find out everyone else did.



Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Sunday, May 15, 2005 - 3:04 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Oooh, good point Jewels. Cuz the family members will have presents.

Guess I will just send the regular invite. Maybe I could write something on the bottom...but what should I write. I would like to convey that I want them to come to the party but not feel obligated in any way. Anyone got some good wording for that??

Jewels
Member

09-23-2000

Sunday, May 15, 2005 - 3:15 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Personally, I wouldn't worry about it, but I don't know your neighbors either.

If they have questions about whether or not to bring a present, you can address that when they RSVP. I would just send out the invitations as they are.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Sunday, May 15, 2005 - 3:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Thanks! I think I am over analyzing! Sometimes I overthink stuff. I wonder if there is any medication for that!! :-) I should just send them out and if the neighbors come, they come, if not, so what! Right???

Jewels
Member

09-23-2000

Sunday, May 15, 2005 - 3:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Exactly!! I do the same thing and my husband is always calling me on it, saying, "Don't worry about it!!"

Have fun at your party.

Graceunderfyre
Member

01-22-2004

Sunday, May 15, 2005 - 3:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
We always write, "Your presence is requested, not your presents" or "gifts nice but not necessary" or something like that when we have our larger party in July. But that's also because we traditionally have that party to celebrate our anniversary, my father's birthday and now DS's birthday and life in general.

I agree with Jewels. . .don't worry about it, let people do what they want.