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Funny Daily Quotes

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions: 2004 May - July: Free Expressions (ARCHIVES): Funny Daily Quotes users admin

  Thread Last Poster Posts Pages Last Post
Archive through May 15, 2004Rupertbear25 05-15-04  12:55 pm
Archive through May 16, 2004Herckleperckle25 05-16-04  11:55 am
Archive through May 20, 2004Lumbele25 05-20-04  3:30 pm
Archive through May 28, 2004Rache25 05-28-04  1:11 pm
Archive through June 05, 2004Herckleperckle25 06-05-04  3:06 pm
Archive through June 18, 2004Rupertbear25 06-18-04  9:21 am
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Author Message
Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, June 18, 2004 - 1:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
~seen on a bumper sticker~

Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.

Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Saturday, June 19, 2004 - 6:33 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. --Unknown



Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Sunday, June 20, 2004 - 9:18 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.
--Mozart



Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Friday, June 25, 2004 - 1:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
The butterfly is a flying flower, The flower a tethered butterfly.
--Ecouchard Le Brun



Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, June 25, 2004 - 2:36 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
~Seen on a bumper sticker~

Work harder, millions on welfare depend on you.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, June 25, 2004 - 2:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
~Seen on a bumper sticker~

Just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, June 25, 2004 - 2:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
~Seen on a bumper sticker~

I'm not F****ing stupid....

But I used too

(my personal favorite)

Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Saturday, June 26, 2004 - 8:45 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Misfortune shows those who are not really friends.
Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC), Eudemian Ethics

Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 7:49 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Ronald Reagan

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Monday, June 28, 2004 - 1:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
~Fortune Cookie~

Don't worry about things that aren't bothering you any

Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Monday, June 28, 2004 - 3:08 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson



Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 4:15 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
Andy Warhol-- 1928 - 1987

Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Wednesday, June 30, 2004 - 8:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Thursday, July 01, 2004 - 7:27 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't!

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Thursday, July 01, 2004 - 9:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue:
"No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall".
Eleanor Roosevelt

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending; and have the two as close together as possible.
George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea ...visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir ... mighty scarce.
Mark Twain

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
Les Dawson

By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll
become a philosopher.
Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops
to breathe.
Jimmy Durante

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness,
can be trained to do most things.
Jilly Cooper

I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine

Money can't buy you happiness,
but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Spike Milligan

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'.
Joe Namath

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
Herbert Henry Asquith

A woman drove me to drink ..
and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her.
W.C. Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W.C. Fields

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember
if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns

We could certainly slow aging process down if it had to work its
way through Congress.
Unknown

Don't worry about avoiding temptation... As you grow older, it will avoid
you.
Unknown

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But ...
everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Unknown

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
Unknown

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out.
Unknown

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old
to go anywhere.
Unknown

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
Unknown


Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Saturday, July 03, 2004 - 3:01 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Ah! Don't say you agree with me. When people agree with me. I always feel that I must be wrong.
Oscar Wilde

Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Sunday, July 04, 2004 - 8:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
-- John Mendoza

Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Monday, July 05, 2004 - 6:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
Anon.

Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Tuesday, July 06, 2004 - 4:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
In politics stupidity is not a handicap. --Napoleon Bonaparte

Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Wednesday, July 07, 2004 - 8:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
We women talk too much, nevertheless we only say half of what we know. --Nancy Astor



Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Thursday, July 08, 2004 - 1:46 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
The thing about living in a small town, is that even if you don't know what you are doing, someone else always does.

Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Friday, July 09, 2004 - 4:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
The Internet is a great way to get on the Net.
--Bob Dole



Cindori
Member

07-25-2003

Tuesday, July 13, 2004 - 5:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Not exactly funny, I guess, but one of my favorites.

When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less. -Humpty Dumpty

Cindori
Member

07-25-2003

Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 3:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
---Groucho Marx