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Archive through July 27, 2004

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions: 2004 May - July: Free Expressions (ARCHIVES): Trolling for Hugs: Archive through July 27, 2004 users admin

Author Message
Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 2:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Oh Calamity that was beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Calamity
Member

10-18-2001

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 2:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
That simple sentence has helped me through many difficult times, Hermione! I think it says more than a whole shelf of self-improvement books can.

Oh I forgot the hugs, Gidget! {{{Gidget}}}

Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 2:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Thank you for the hug Hermione. I cant get over how many caring people took time out to give me a boost. I'm still very weepy. Today was extra bad but maybe I had to hit bottom to start digging my way back up.

Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 2:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
TY Calamity... that actually gave me a little chuckle.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 3:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Gidget, I have been through 3 major depressions in my life, two of them were severe enough for me to have to be hospitalized. My latest go-round started this past May. I've just in the last week really started to feel like myself again. I was so scared that it would never end, but if you subsitute "she" for "he" and "her" for "him" in that quote Calamity shared and you could have me. I have long stretches now where I will realize with a jolt that I feel good and the blackness has receded to a dim memory and I find myself slightly puzzled about why it hurt so much in the first place because somehow it doesn't seem worth it to have caused me so much pain.

I'm not trying to make this about me and I hope it doesn't come across that way. I don't even know if you are suffering from a depression also. I just want to say that you are not alone in feeling so bleak and I understand how hard it is. Things will get better. Sometimes it takes a lot of time, but the day does come when it is in the dim recesses of your mind and then the day comes when you don't even think about it at all.

You said in your first post that you may be at the end of your rope. People joke about tying a knot and hanging on at such times. I say, "Let go. God will catch you."

Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 3:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Yes Hermione I believe I am depressed. I am under so much stress I dont know how I get through each day. And I feel guilty about being whiney because I know in reality I am quite blessed and better off than most people. But for someone to hurt me the way they did today and knowing I was vulnerable like this was more than I could take. And I am having a very hard time controlling my anger towards that person now. And I dont want to be like that. I am better than that.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 3:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
OH MY GAWD, Gidget, you sound so much like me, it is eerie. When I am depressed, I feel guilty, too, and that adds to the cycle. STOP THE GUILT!

And this-- "But for someone to hurt me the way they did, knowing I was vulnerable like this was more than I could take. And I am having a very hard time controlling my anger towards that person now. And I dont want to be like that. I am better than that" was totally me these last few months!

Actually, one difference is I tend to internalize the anger towards myself, which is dangerous and unhealthy and something I hope you are not doing. Put the anger where it belongs. It's okay to be angry when someone is cruel or unkind to you. That is something I have to work on. Putting the anger where it belongs instead of on myself. Anger can be healthy. Scream, hit your pillow, smash a watermelon! But don't take it out on yourself. Running has been phenomemal for me in getting better. In the past, Taebo and kickboxing were great, especially because you can imagine the face of the person that hurt you when you are thowing the punches and kicks!

Do you have a professional that you can talk to? I hate to rush off, but I have a movie date and am already late. I'm on an anti-depressant and it has saved my life. I really believe that. Depression is an illness and needs to be treated accordingly. There is no shame in it.


{{{GIDGET}}}

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 3:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Again, I really hope I don't sound like I am trying to make this about me. I am in a better place thsi week than I have been for months and you will get there, too. I just want you to know how much I understand. It makes me want to hug you and tell you everything is going to be all right because I know how scary it is and how much it hurts.

Must dash...!!!

Lkunkel
Member

10-29-2003

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 3:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Gidget: Sorry I didn't get in here sooner--things have been chaotic here today with Punk.

{{Gidget}}}

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 5:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
gave up violence years ago.

but I didn't!!!!


Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 5:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Hermione, I appreciate your input. I dont wish you any pain obviously but to know I am not alone with these feelings does help. I mean you saying you experienced some of the same things.

I am hoping not to take medication. I have always done well with self talk. Its just so many things are coming at me from so many directions I find myself shutting down a lot. My work has suffered though no one seems to notice too much. I scramble to keep up.

But lately people keep asking me what's wrong. I see the real looks of concern in their eyes when they ask it. And I was the original Suzy Sunshine in my group. My pain is clear on my face. I know it and I cant help it. All of the changes in my life are hard enough to deal with. But the added hurt this person has contributed has been the proverbial final straw.

It is good for me to talk about it, though, I am finding out. Even if it is just in generalities. It is comforting to know people who dont even really know me care enough to take time from their busy days to offer hugs, support and advise. Suddenly the whole human race is looking a lot better. I think most of all I should try to focus on positive people and turn a deaf ear to the negative. I need to stop letting someone affect me with his behavior. Easier said than done though.

I know life is going to go on with or without me. So my only real choice is to keep trying.


Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 5:34 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Awwww thank you so much for stopping by LK. I know how much you are going through right now too. You know I wish the best for you and Punk.

Citruscitygal
Member

08-07-2003

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 5:34 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I agree with Hermione - go ahead and feel the anger. If you try to suppress it the anger will become toxic to you - been there, done that. Hermione's story about depression could be mine. It's not the feelings that get you into trouble it's how you choose to deal with or act on them.
I will also get on the "medication saved my life" and "talking to a professional" bandwagon.
I would have been committed by now without those two things in my life. And I agree it does get better, even if it doesn't seem possible now. Keep talking, let it out - we're here for ya'
((((Gidget))))


Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 5:36 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
LOL Annie... I'd ask you to be my big sister and beat up all the bullies for me but ... would it work if my little sister was sticking up for me?

Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 5:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Thank you Citrus. I am trying to express my anger in a healthy way. Lately I really want to hit things. But that just hurts my little hands. What I need is to put things in perspective. I know my strengths and my weaknesses and when I add them all up I am not a bad person. So why I want a negative influence in my life is a mystery to me at the moment. What I am fearing most of all is my own bad judgement. And I am not nearly as strong and resilient as I pretend to be. Finally I am fessing up. I cant fake it anymore. Maybe admitting that is the first important step.

Citruscitygal
Member

08-07-2003

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 6:01 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
How much time have you got? LOL I could share what I learned about myself and why I was drawn to someone who is negative, angry, etc, etc,. It only took me many years of therapy to understand it. Don't ask me if I've fixed the problem yet, because then none of my advice would seem credible. LOL I also understand questioning your own judgement. I did what I knew at the time, now that I know better, I'm doing better and that's OK. I am a work in progress, taking it one step at a time.

Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 6:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
That's cute... a work in progress. I have all the time in the world. Well really I need to go to sleep earlier tonite cause I gotta catch a really early ride to work tomorrow. When it rains it pours. And it was pouring on the way home from work Friday night when my windshield wipers decided to die. I dropped the car off for service tonite. I asked him to give my 10+ year old car a once over while he had it. Not looking forward to that bill.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 6:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Just about everyone has been ther Gidg. I can remember crying uncontrolably and feeling so sorry for myself. I can remember clinging to all false hopes and begging for one more chance. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, I became a hermit to my life and the rest of the world. I had no job, no love, no friends, no computer.... It was a real hardship. I wanted to end the pain anyway I could. I partied, I drank, I did things I am not proud of. Then one day, my mom said to me, "For all the bad things you are going through, something that much better is coming your way." I didn't want to believe her, but that stayed in the back of my mind. Sure enough, time went by, I healed emotionally, physically, and then out of the blue, I met DH. After we were married, I told him, that everything I went through was just things I had to get through, to get me to him.

Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 6:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Awww that's sweet Escapee. How long you two been hitched?

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 6:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Escapee, didn't we cross paths in the Boyfriend from Hell thread? ROFL! We should start a club!

Gidget, you said, "Finally I am fessing up. I cant fake it anymore. Maybe admitting that is the first important step." It reminded me of what my sponsor in AA used to say to me-- "It takes a lot more courage to ask for help than go it alone."

I'll touch bases with you in the morning. I hope you sleep okay tonight.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 6:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I am a huge fan of wallowing in self pity, the drama queen that I am! I was also raised on the 'pull yourself up by the boot straps' crap too. I have finally learned in my dotage, that it's ok to ask for help from friends and medication. I think like Herm said, that takes alot more courage than trying to be strong and brave..those are acts.


Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Monday, July 26, 2004 - 7:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
See that you guys got me pointed in the right direction anyway. I am making light but I am truly grateful. Now I am going to point my way to bed. I am exhausted. I have been losing a lot of sleep. I think I may have managed to wear myself out tho today.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Tuesday, July 27, 2004 - 4:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Hi Gidget. How you feeling today?

Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Tuesday, July 27, 2004 - 5:50 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
A little better... thanks Hermie. I found a lot of strength in the advice and love people sent to me yesterday. The hardest part for me right now is to continue to be strong and moving in the right direction. I feel like there is a big hole in my heart. It really hurts to be deceived.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Tuesday, July 27, 2004 - 6:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I'm glad you feel better. I know how much deception hurts. It hurts A LOT. Like I shared earlier, I was in a similar situation earlier this year. My mom told me something that really helped. She said, "You believed in him. There is no dishonor in the believing. The dishonor is in the lying and deception. You did nothing wrong." Tell yourself that and know that it is true.

If you are in a depression like you suspect, there are going to be days that you feel like you have slid backwards. But as long as you keep taking care of yourself, talking to people, and doing what you need to do to get better, you WILL make it.

{{{GIDGET}}}