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Wargod
Member
07-16-2001
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 12:50 am
I admit it, I am clumsy. It's something I joke about all the time because I figure if I don't laugh about it, I'd spend most of my time crying about it, lol. Some of my stories have become legendary among my friends and family. I'll start with two stories that I think are the funniest. The first was funny because I ended up at the doctors office two days in a row for two different things that resulted from one accident. I was 7 months pregnant with Dakota. At that point of pregnancy you're pretty much always running for the bathroom. It was about 3am one morning, when I woke up running. Pregnant women shouldn't go from laying flat to running without sitting up for a minute or two to avoid dizziness. I jumped out of bed and took off, actually made it to the end of the bed before I got hit with dizziness. (Our bed has no frame, but each corner of the boxspring has a hard plastic piece on the bottom that's rounded and goes around the corners.) Anyways, I lost my balance, stumbled and managed to step on that hard little plastic piece. I knew as soon as I stepped on it I'd cut my toe open, but didn't know how bad and knew if I stood there much longer I'd end up wetting my pants on top of bleeding all over the place, so I hobbled off to the bathroom. It took me a couple minutes to actually turn on the light to see how bad I'd hurt myself. I ended up having to call in sick to work that morning so I could go to the doctor to see if I needed stitches. He declared I didn't though the gash was bad enough that he wrapped it in gauze and bandages about three times the size of my little toe, lol. During pregnancy, I think one of the most beneficial things you can do is walk. I walked three miles a day with both Caleb and Dakota, and usually walking to work and home covered that. So the day after I tried to cut my own toe off on my bed, I walked to work. Problem was about half way there I was in excruciating pain and limping horribly because of the huge bandages, and managed to pull a muscle in the other leg. By the time I got to work that morning, I could barely walk. Boss took one look at me, ordered me in her car and drove me herself to the doctors, LOL. He ordered me off my feet for three days, and I ended up missing a full week of work because I had to pee at 3am! The funniest thing about it was that I had a work friend who drove by me every morning and waved as she drove by. She knew how I felt about walking and had long since given up trying to pick me up. That morning she'd driven by, waved, and said that when she saw me hobbling down the street, she figured I'd finally picked up the pregnant waddle, hehe. Second story is all TVCH's fault, LOL. Kids were in school, Darren was at work, and I was doing live feed posts. I had a soda in a cup sitting on the desk next to me and was in a hurry to finish up because it was almost time to pick Kota up. Somehow I tipped the cup over, and ended up with a lap full of soda. I shoved the chair back trying to keep from getting drenched, caught the wheel on something that was on the floor and tipped the chair over. I ended up landing in the puddle that had already dripped to the floor. The worst part was that I hopped up so quick hoping no one saw me, even though I was alone, that I managed to get half way up before I slipped in the puddle and again came crashing to the floor! I was so embarrassed that it took Darren three hours to get me to explain how I not only hurt my wrist again, but ended up with a big, nasty bruise on my butt, lol. Ok, I think I'll finish for now, lol. I have tons of clumsy stories I'll have to share at a later date. I know I'm not the only one....anyone else want to share?
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Whoami
Member
08-03-2001
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 1:33 am
I'm sure I have a few stories. I don't know if I have any classics. The classics in our family are saved for my older sis. I'm more famous in my family for clumsiness of the tongue. I do know that I habitually will start to knock something off, go to catch it, and proceed to knock three more things over in the process of trying to catch the original thing (which usually falls anyway). Or, I go to catch it and end up playing volleyball with it by batting it around in the air a few times before usually finally dropping it. Or, I'll drop something, pick it up and put it back where it was, and end up knocking it back down again as I take my hand away from setting it down. Those kind of antics I call "Jerry Lewis slapstick." I realized a long time ago that, even though I enjoyed Jerry Lewis movies, it usually drove me nuts when he did that kind of slapstick. Probably cause its too true to life for me. 
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Whoami
Member
08-03-2001
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 2:19 pm
OK folks, I know my cybermamma and I aren't the only clumsy people around. Lets hear your stories! Maybe we should move this to Free Expression, or somewhere it will be seen better?
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Lkunkel
Member
10-29-2003
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 2:44 pm
Trust me, it used to be that walking into the kitchen would soon be followed by crashes, squeals, and screams. However, once we moved and I put an aloe vera in the kitchen window, and hung my kitchen witch, I've had no kitchen issues. DH, on the other hand... Of course, I'm also the person who can open a car door, turn myself sideways, and fall OUT of the car. While walking through Target, I managed to trip over a non-existent crack in the floor. I'm well-known for missing a step or two while going up and down stairs. When I was 15 and in the hospital for a patella tendon transfer, the Physical Therapist was determined to teach me to walk on crutches. After I fell face forward onto the floor, split my lip and bruised my forehead, the PT put me on a walker instead. There's always the time we were square-dancing in 5th grade, and I gave my partner a black eye. Clumsy? Me? Nah. Just a walking disaster zone.
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 2:55 pm
Ther isn't enough bandwidth for me to tell my stories Any of you guys lefties? I heard a fact that lefties are more clumsy than righties.
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Lkunkel
Member
10-29-2003
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 3:13 pm
I am a lefty.
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Not1worry
Member
07-30-2002
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 4:37 pm
I'm a righty. One of my nicknames in the Army was "No Knives". It was only 3 stitches, but I almost sliced my index finger off. My new pocket knife snapped shut on my finger. There also isn't enough bandwidth for me to describe how clumsy I am. But the sad part is that I was on the bomb squad for 5 years.
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 5:13 pm
That is very reassuring, Not1.
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Hermione69
Member
07-24-2002
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 5:25 pm
I fell out of my loft at college and mushed my Garfield trashcan. Of course, I was drunk at the time. Does that negate it? LOL! Seriously, my hearing loss affects my balance to some degree so I do tend to be clumsier than the average person. And when I drank, whoooosh! Only took one or two beers to make me reel in the streets. Now I just tend to trip a lot. And I bump into a lot of things. I am always banging my pelvis or hips on the library tables. Errr, that didn't sound right, but you know what I mean.
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Craven
Member
05-23-2004
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 5:33 pm
All I will say is can anyone match or beat being blown up by a washing machine?? Craven 
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Hippyt
Member
06-15-2001
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 5:43 pm
When I worked in the restaurant biz,I had quite a few clumsy moments. One time,I was training a new waitress. Delivering a carafe of burgundy to a table. Somehow,I managed to lose the balance of the tray,and the entire carafe landed right in the middle of an elderly gentleman's lap! Of course,he was wearing a baby blue seersucker suit! I think my trainee was really questioning her new job that night! Another time, it was a busy weekend night. I was bopping through the restaurant with 3 hot fudge sundaes on a tray. Just as I reached the front,where many people were waiting for their table,I hit a wet spot on the floor. Uhuh,you guessed it. I went crashing to the concrete floor,glass breaking,hot fudge burning my skin,and legs cut up from the broken dishes. A bunch of people run over to help me off the floor. I got a little break to regroup and bandage my legs up from that one. The latest thing I did was last summer. I was going through the kitchen in some sandals that had really slippery bottoms. I slipped on the rug and did the splits! I am far too old to be doing any splits these days. I hobbled around for a month after that incident.
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Kristylovesbb
Member
09-14-2000
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 6:07 pm
I have a ton of clumsy stories and my husband can attest to it. It is so damn funny when I fall because after I fall and look toward my husband,(because I know the look on his face will be priceless), I pee in my pants because I am laughing so hard at him. When I started menopause about five years ago I got even worse about falling. Everywhere I went I fell or tripped. One incident happened at the drug store. DH let me off at the door, I go inside and trip over the rug at the door and land face down. Coming out I missed a step on the curb, went head over teeninny, landed on my face in the parking lot, jumped up, looked at DH whose eyes where as big a saucers and let it roll! DH took me to the grocery store, mind you it was not my regular store he knows I only like to go to my store but this one was closer. I go in get my things check out and proceed to go out the door I am used to going out in my regular store. Well the dang door will not come open so I shoved into it and damned a mighty the alarms in the store went off. I look up when it happened and saw huge letters on the door saying FIRE ESCAPE!!! Well I go out the right door and my husband has his face covered with his hand so no one will recognise him, he knew it had to be me that set off the alarms. When I got in the car I let him have it for taking me to the wrong store and confusing me!LOL We stopped one afternoon to get a quick bite after shopping. I order two burgers and homemade chips. We eat and DH says well we made without an accident or you falling. I picked up the trash turned around dropped the tray, ranch dressing flew up and splattered all over our shoes and the table. DH makes a beeline out to the truck without me. Wal-mart, shopped, no accident, got to the check-out hubby says wow no accident, thanks Jesus, and pow I turned around, purse hit display and knocks everything down. DH's face turns blood red and he vows to never take me in public again! These are just a few, there are many many more. I am not quite as bad now but whenever I go someplace with friends or family someone will hold onto me so I don't embarrass them. ps. I almost never get hurt and I laugh myself silly when it happens. Hey, you guys remember the forbidden knife, almost cut off my big toe, got seven stitches episode?
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Herckleperckle
Member
11-20-2003
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 6:09 pm
I used to fall UP the steps as a kid. I have fallen on my butt in the middle of an open office area and have tripped over my own feet on more occasions than I'd like to recount here. I think my lack of grace (or deficit of feminine traits?) really hit home when my daughter (at age 7) started fixing her own hair because I couldn't braid it properly. She also went to her dad to tie the bow on her dresses because he did a better job than I did! She still loves me, though!!
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Herckleperckle
Member
11-20-2003
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 6:13 pm
Uh, Kristy, I think you get the award!!!
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Herckleperckle
Member
11-20-2003
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 6:16 pm
Craven, spill!!
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Kristylovesbb
Member
09-14-2000
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 6:17 pm
Lets hear it Craven!LOL
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Moondance
Member
07-30-2000
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 6:19 pm
I broke my baby toe last night. The corner of the kitty scratching post jumped out in front of me I swear! It is a nice fat purple toe right now!
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Kristylovesbb
Member
09-14-2000
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 6:29 pm
Oh so sorry Moondance, that smarts. I certainly understand how that happened, it happens to me all the time.LOL
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Citruscitygal
Member
08-07-2003
| Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 6:41 pm
I can sympathize Moondance. I have caught, jammed, bumped, dislocated the baby toe on my left foot more times than I care to count. (Don't know why it's always the same toe.) The first couple times I went to the doctor. Now I just tape it up and get out the ice bag. You might think I'd learn not to go barefoot around the house, but I hate to wear shoes. Then after I injure it, I can't get my swollen foot into a shoe. Hurts like heck! Hope yours feel better soon. 
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Whoami
Member
08-03-2001
| Monday, June 14, 2004 - 1:53 am
Came across this gif and just had to share....

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Lumbele
Member
07-12-2002
| Monday, June 14, 2004 - 8:12 am
Suddenly I am not feeling so lonely anymore. DH bought a can of spray for burns and insisted it stay close to the stove. When ds's visitors look at him for not running to the rescue when they hear his mother yelp, he tells them don't worry about it, Mum is just cooking/baking. When you hear a yelp and then nothing, that's when we check. Craven, I love a man who does laundry, not so sure about one that blows the washer to smithereens though. What gives?
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Djgirl
Member
07-17-2002
| Monday, June 14, 2004 - 1:46 pm
Some of you know my world-famous Clutz story, but I'll share it again for the new ones! August 1, 1998, 7am, Holiday morning... I was living in a two floor apartment with a roommate who rented the top floor off me. We didn't get along, especially since her friends & family called at all hours of the day & night. This was a holiday weekend, but she had to work on the holiday itself. I had a new "friend" over for the night, who was actually sleeping on the couch. It was hot out and I was sleeping in my underwear & nothing else. At around 7am, the phone rang. I hopped out of bed and started hopping into my pajama pants - you know that thing you do when you're trying to move & put your clothes on at the same time?- my ankle decided to give out and on the hop down I managed to break the side of my foot from landing on it. As I fell over, I broke my opposite elbow and nearly conked myself on the head with the iron that flew off the ironing board that was out from the night before. I landed with an awful crash and woke up everyone in the house - never got the phone & it wasn't for me anyway! I was driven to the hospital and sat for hours waiting for x-rays & casts. They casted my leg/foot and as I'm sitting there, a nurse walks in, looks around and leaves. I heard her asking in the hall "Where's the girl that broke her elbow? I have to sling her arm and I can't find her." Then I heard, "Didn't you see the girl in there with the cast on her leg? She's the one you need to see." The nurse walked in looking curiously and asked me how I managed to do this (they thought that I had been thrown down the stairs by my "friend" and had contacted the police). I quite plainly told her "I fell putting on my pants". I finally got people to believe me, but it was quite embarrassing! Another time, I sleepwalked right into the corner of a dresser and had to have five stitches just above my eye. Let's see, I spent every single first week of highschool on crutches... One summer I was a nanny for a family with two small boys - needless to say it was an active summer until... Our garage had been "protected" with tar, so rather than track it into the house all the time, my mom put down split down cardboard boxes in the general traffic area. I was walking across these boxes to get something one day and managed to slip. The boxes went one way, my upper body twisted, and my knee stayed where it was - needless to say, I was on crutches for 3 1/2 months with a torn interior cruciate ligament. I'm horribly clutzy. I have walked across a parking lot and slipped on a pebble and fallen right on my butt. I have come outside for a first date in the middle of a freezing-rain storm and ended up on my butt after a spectacular four foot spill. Oh my... By the sounds of things, I really shouldn't be allowed out without a hockey helmet & supervision! 
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Jbean
Member
01-05-2002
| Monday, June 14, 2004 - 9:47 pm
deej, your story is hilarious! although, it probably wasn't at the time! i'm pretty clumsy myself. my most common form is tripping/falling down. sometimes only one (usually just tripping), but sometimes if it is a big trip, i will fall on my butt! most of the time though, it is due to the shoes i am wearing. my feet are big....size 10, and i hate them. i ALWAYS wear platform/chunky style shoes, because i think they make my feet look smaller with the taller heighth. the last pair of shoes i got have like 4 inches of rubber platform. they are flip flops. while they are quite comfy, i wasn't quite used to walking in them, one of them turned sideways and i just about fell down, and almost pulled the side of the flip flop out of the rubber. that happens a lot (i also blame it on my big feet for getting in the way). i trip on things that aren't there just about every day. i trip on my support floor mat at work almost daily, etc. one time when i went out a few years ago, i had to go outside to check and see if someone we were waiting for to call had called my cell phone. well, of course i had on new shoes and i was in a hurry to get back in, so i was walking failrly fast. yep, i tripped and fell and landed on my wrists! i had a bruise the size of a quarter on my right wrist for awhile, and of course there were people out there to see it. sigh. if your feet are small, be glad!
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Whoami
Member
08-03-2001
| Monday, June 14, 2004 - 10:56 pm
I tried to do a triple axle off my front porch one time. OK, maybe it was a double, or single. But it was definitely an axle, cause I was doing a forward takeoff. Turned out that "clear spot" on the porch was really a very sheer patch of black ice. Ended up with a swelled knee and a really bad limp for a couple of weeks. In HS, I was a member of the rifle line in drum corps. Had a friend over (guy friend, but not boyfriend) to teach him some rifle moves since he was thinking of joining. So of course I sort of got fancy with my spins and tosses and stuff. Not like I really wanted to impress him or anything of course. We decided to break for lunch, and I turned around to head for the house, tripped over a tree root, and half face-planted/half forward rolled my way up the porch steps to the house. My friend of course had to point out how it was rather ironic I could do so many fancy tricks with the rifle, but couldn't walk across my own yard.
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Jmm
Member
08-16-2002
| Monday, June 14, 2004 - 11:14 pm
Ok, my best clumsy moment. We have a concrete slab porch, you all know they're not very tall 12-15" tops. Well I stepped off of this one and "twisted my ankle", you know that dang that hurts really bad for 30 seconds then it's over. After a couple of days my shin started hurting every time I took a step, went to the dr. he gave me Celebrex for inflammation. After 6 weeks of this he finally, did an x-ray - yep, you guessed it I had given myself a stress fracture when I stepped off the porch. I was in a walking boot cast for 8 months.
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