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Wargod
Member
07-16-2001
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 12:03 am
I have no life. LOL, I love my life. I love being a stay at home mom, volunteering in the kids classes, and crazy as it sounds, keeping the house nice and clean. I wouldn't want to be doing anything else most of the time. But, I have no life, I do almost nothing for myself or just because it's fun. After a little chat with Jewel in the fact or two about you thread the other day, I got to thinking about things I do just for me. I haven't taken a class in over a year (something I enjoy,) I can't remember the last time I went out with friends, or went and did anything that was just for me. My life revolves around and is devoted to my family (and I enjoy this!) But, I need a push to start doing something that is just for me. TVCH is the only thing I do for me, and the truth is almost all the time I'm here, I'm in the middle of cleaning, or running errands, I'm gone in a minute if I the kids or MOW needs me (even late at night is no garuntee that I will be able to sit and just enjoy without needing to run for them.) So, what I am proposing is a just for me club. Stay at home parents, working parents, people with kids gone, or no kids, those who spend alot of time at work, everyone is invited to join. My hope is that we can encourage each other to get out and do something that is just for us, something selfish, something we enjoy. If anyone is interested, we can post something we do each week, or each month that is totally selfish (selfish is good sometimes!) We can encourage each other to go hang out with friends, to go see a movie, to go on a date with our spouse or a friend. And maybe we can find inspiration from someone else here. Anyone want to join me? Because the truth is without someone pushing me to go out and go window shopping, or to take in a movie, I probably won't do it on my own, LOL.
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Sillycalimomma
Member
11-13-2003
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 12:31 am
I'll join! Something I did for myself-yesterday I spent WAY too much money to restock some of my beauty products! I got new eyeshadow, foundation, lipstick, moisturizer, and those new self heating face masks. I also bought a new mirror that has two sides-one for my good days and one for my bad...lol-that also has four different light settings-home,evening,office and day. I spent an hour today playing with all of my new things! Woohooo...."I feel pretty oh so pretty...." tee hee...
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Ducky
Member
08-27-2000
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 12:48 am
I find myself become a hermit when Winter time hits. I just don't get out and do much. All my time is spent on my home and family. Living in the country I don't like to drive into town but once a month for grocery's. The time I do go out we always go as a family some place. I think I would be lost if they were not with me. Before LD was born I had a full time job in the city. Then when he was a baby I worked in the evening at a small store in are small town. It was nice to have that interaction with adults. Two years ago I stop working all together so that I could be at home with my family in the evenings. I have thought about going back to work just to get out of the house but I would not want to work full time. If I was to work partime it would not pay for the gas to even get me into the city. So I'm like you stuck in a rut. I would like to start doing something for myself and here comes the but...I just don't like to spend the money on myself. I have been wanting to get my hair done for the last year but never went and got it done. I do a pretty good job of trimming my on hair. But it would be nice to go back to the salon some day.
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Ducky
Member
08-27-2000
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 12:53 am
I need to spend a day with you Silly. Boy that must have felt like Christmas all over again.
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Wargod
Member
07-16-2001
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 1:23 am
Silly that's great! Sometimes you really need to do something that makes you feel good. Ducky, you said it great, "stuck in a rut." I've gotten used to being a homebody. I feel guilty wanting to take time for myself because I don't work so why should I need it? The funny thing is, I know that's not right. It's important to have sometime for myself that's not focused on my family and house to help me be better at what I do. I believe it's good for us to take vacations without the kids so that when we come home we are re-energized, ready to tackle the daily struggles of being parents, and in some ways to make us better parents. Yet I haven't taken a vacation in almost two years. Next week, I do have plans with hubby. We're doing a kid swap with my sis and bil and they are watching are kids Friday night. With his work schedule lately though, I'm not sure he'll be up to any big plans, so we may just spend a quiet night at home (which is fine by me, LOL.) I've been thinking about taking a class during the summer semester. I usually avoid summer classes because they're 16 weeks rolled into 8, but it's a good reason to go out and do something for myself. But, then I think about the fact that it's 8 hours a week I'll be gone from home. So that's one of the things I'll have to consider before deciding if I want to take a class or wait until the fall semester.
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Spygirl
Member
04-23-2001
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 9:11 am
I don't have any kids or a significant other, so everything I do is selfish, but I wanted to pop in and say what a wonderful idea this is, Wargod! It is important that parents do things to re-energize themselves! Speaking of selfish, I have to mention my Mary Kay stuff...if anyone would like to re-stock your cosmetics like Silly did, remember I am the resident Mary Kay consultant - and I have a website and I ship free to your door! 
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Ladytex
Member
09-27-2001
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 11:53 am
I did something just for me yesterday. I took a day off of work and just did stuff for me. I read a good book and I cuddled up on the couch and watched my soaps that I never usually catch. I was kinda down, so I needed that for me.
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Landi
Member
07-29-2002
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 12:07 pm
i work a full time job, i'm a mom/taxi (even the license plate on my car says so!), i have to work at bingo every third week for my dd's swim team family committment, and i'm on the board of her swim team. just last week we found out that my dd's school cancelled their 8th grade graduation dance. this has always been a tradition at her middle school. but because of funding they can't do it. i of course spoke up and said it wasn't fair. she asked me if i would call the principal and other parents to get it back... i had to say no. i'm stretched so thin now, i barely have time for sleep. a year ago, tired of not doing anything "for me", and worrying that their really wasn't the money, i took on the job my dd's swim team bookkeeper. now it's only a about 10 hours work a month. but it pays me $300. that money is MINE! to do with whatever i want - JUST FOR ME! i have the treasurer give it to me in two checks at the 1st and 15th of the month. i go to a movie.. BY MYSELF, or I buy something that i've wanted for while but see as an extravagance. i've boughten cd's, special shampoos, i got a cashmere sweater i've wanted for awhile...etc.
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Cassie
Member
07-15-2000
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 1:26 pm
Hey Spy just a few weeks ago I bought the 5 pice Timewise collection. I think I prefer the stuff I used to get (Formula 2) even though there were more steps in it. What's your thoughts on Timewise vs the old regime? Glad to know you're the MK rep. I'll buy from you in future.
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Mamie316
Member
07-08-2003
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 1:53 pm
Wargod, I am so with you! I have been a stay at home Mom since my son was born 21 years ago! It was a choice that I have never regretted but I know what you mean about never doing anything for myself! I also do daycare and even though I have time during the day when all the kids are in school, I find myself doing cleaning and laundry and grocery shopping. (Which my dh thinks is my going out!) It does make you sad sometimes to think that all you do is for everyone else! I am so perimenopausal right now too and I find myself thinking "What about me?" I have started exercising everyday at home and I guess that is my time but I do think I'd like to find some kind of book club or something that is just for me. I even find when I go out shopping at the mall, the first things I look at are for my kids!
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Hereiam
Member
03-29-2002
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 2:22 pm
I am so with all of you. I too am a stay at home mom by choice and at times it does get a bit lonely. I was especially feeling this way last year when my youngest started pre-school part time. So, I joined a book club and a bunko group. Now one Saturday morning a month I meet and talk about a book and one evening a month I get to go to(or host) a fun night of bunko. I do put in a several hours a week at the schools and am also trying to get more exercise and think a bit more about myself - it does take effort sometimes. I am very lucky to have a supportive DH who understands and encourages my outside activities. Any way if you are looking for a book club - try your local library or bookstore. Many of them sponsor book clubs and it really is a fun way to meet people and exercise the brain a bit.
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Jewels
Member
09-23-2000
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 4:11 pm
Yea, Wargod, I'm glad you started this thread! I am deinitely in! I don't even know where to start...but I will start with the fact that I love my kids and I love being a stay-at-home mom. I wouldn't have it any other way. But lately I have felt like that is all I do. Mamie mentioned that her DH thinks that her going grocery shopping is her "going out time", I am like that about myself. First thing Saturday morning since my DH is home, I go to the grocery store, that is my break. How sad is that? I should have joined a moms group or something long ago, but never got around to it. I was overwhelmed in the beginning and didn't think I needed that, now I know I should have. I could go on and on, but I think we should make a list or something of things we could do for US! Like facials, pedicures, manicures, massages, whatever it is that you like to do. Or if anyone has any ideas or experiences, post them! The book club idea sounds great, I may look into that one. Landi, I wish I could find a 10 hour a month job! That would be great! I can't wait to discuss this, like Wargod, I really need this. It has been one of those weeks in my house!
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Ducky
Member
08-27-2000
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 4:48 pm
War I understand what you are saying here about feeling guilty about wanting to take time for yourself because you don't work so why should you need it? That is the same way I feel! It could be why I never buy anything for myself either. When I go to the store to buy something for myself I always buy something for LD. I just think I don't need to buy anything for me and I know that is wrong also. Maybe I'm just a simple person and don't need a lot of things and would rather save the money for a vacation some where. But I don't know if I could ever go on vacation without LD being there. It's good that you have a sister also that you can do the kid swap with so that you and MOW can spend some time together alone. Maybe you could go out to eat and rent a movie to take back home later. I know when BD and I are alone at home I see something that needs to be done in the house and don't take the time to enjoy just being with him. There are to many distractions around so getting out seems them best for us. I think it is a great idea that you are thinking about taking classes this summer for yourself. The 8 hours a week away from home is a good start to a better you. Ladytex glad that you enjoyed your day at home doing something that you like. It is nice that you spent time doing something for yourself. landi I want to be like you when I grow up and by things for myself. Mamie you are like me in. When we go to the store I buy for others rather then myself because I just don't think I need it or can't find anything I like. I say the next time we go shopping lets see who buys something first for themselves then we can came back here and post what we bought. Hereiam that is a great idea about the book club at the library or bookstore. Jewels you posted as I was trying to type my post out it has took me all afternoon just to respond to one thread today because of all the interuptions at home today. How sad is that. I like your idea.
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Mamie316
Member
07-08-2003
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 4:56 pm
Ducky, you are on! Now if I can get past the mother's guilt!
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Yuhuru
Member
09-27-2001
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 4:58 pm
I stay at home since the birth of my second. I love it. I participate in 5k and 10k races. I'm a walker and not a runner. DH is very supportive a makes sure I have time to practice. I also have a monthly pokeno game with my girlfriends who are mostly married with children. I call them girlfriends, but they just grew into girlfriends. We're all basically connected by one person. She introduced us all through pokeno 18 months ago. We do pot luck, baby showers, and gift exchanges (all on pokeno night). It's absolutely wonderful.
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Landi
Member
07-29-2002
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 5:27 pm
what started my "buying for me" thing was, i got a pearl necklace/bracelet/earrings for christmas. now most people would love that. not me.i don't like pearls. never have. and after being married 14 years, you'd have thought dh would have known that. this year.. i got a can opener. so i decided that christmas i was going to buy something I WANTED. but our budget was pretty much used for everything else (groceries, utilties, etc.). i had to find extra money. now i don't have alot of time, but when i heard that my dd's swim team needed a bookkeeper (to send out the monthly bills and do the payroll of the coaches) and it paid $300 a month. i jumped at it! i got lucky in that noone else wanted the headaches of the job. there are some nights i'm up till midnight getting all the postings into quick books. but when i get my $150 check twice a month, i know it's for something i want that noone else would think of buying for me. this month so far, i bought myself 4 cd's and a book (the davinci code).
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Ducky
Member
08-27-2000
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 5:29 pm
Mamie I will try this weekend to find something for myself when we go into town. How many times have you picked something up and then when you get to the check out and are putting stuff on the conveyer belt you set it aside? Glad that you have found an outlet and have such great friends Yuhuru.
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Reiki
Member
08-12-2000
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 7:46 pm
I went to a book club meeting tonight with some co-workers and friends. Mostly working wives/mom that needed some time talking to other adults. One of the women, a stay at home mom, said that her husband takes their son one day a week, leaving her with time to herself or to take a class or to join a book club. Dad and son have a great time togther and mom gets some "me time". I'm not a wife or mother myself, but I often find myself falling into that work-home-work-home rut. When I do take time or spend money on myself I feel guilty about it. I figure that as a single woman if I don't pamper myself every now and then who will!
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Mamie316
Member
07-08-2003
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 7:48 pm
Landi, I actually belong to two book clubs for buying books. I told my dh that I reading and the digital cable are really my only forms of entertainment and I won't give those up. Ducky, I'm always doing that and I'll say I should buy myself that and then I think, well, I don't really need it and my mom gets so mad at me!
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 8:05 pm
Do I ever need this club! I am always busy, too.
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Abby7
Member
07-17-2002
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 8:27 pm
Spygirl: I checked your profile and didn't see your website listed (for Mary Kay). anyone know?
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Jmm
Member
08-16-2002
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 8:51 pm
Abby, If you will email Spy, she will send you the web address.
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Spygirl
Member
04-23-2001
| Thursday, February 05, 2004 - 11:02 pm
Anyone wanting my Mary Kay website can email me at spygirltvch@aol.com. I don't post it on the open board because it has my personal information listed. Cassie, I think the Timewise versus Classic Skin care is a personal preference. Overall, I think the Timewise products are better, but there isn't anything wrong with the Classic Skin care at all. Does that make sense? For me, I have finally made the switch to all the Timewise products. I let go of most the classic products, but I still use the mask. As for the Timewise stuff, I found that I use the Timewise bar of soap at the sink and the cleanser tube in the shower and when I travel. I'm assuming when you said the 5 piece set that you also bought the Day and Night Solution? That is the hands-down best product Mary Kay offers. It is also the most expensive. I love, love, love it. In fact, it is the main reason that I got into the business so that I could get that stuff on discount because I use it ALL the TIME! LOL Let me know what other questions I can answer for you.
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Wargod
Member
07-16-2001
| Friday, February 06, 2004 - 1:07 am
After reading all the post here, I'm starting to realize something. All of the stay at home moms are saying the same thing, lol. We made the choice to stay home, we love what we do, we wouldn't change it for anything. I think that's where the guilt and getting stuck in a rut comes in. If I'm enjoying it so much and wouldn't change anything, why should I need time for myself? Why would I need time away from my kids and home? It's the same thing with spending money. If I'm not working, how can I justify spending money on myself? It's completely silly, lol! I know why I need time to myself, if I don't get a little sooner or later, I'm either going to fall over from running for everyone else, or go completely nuts! As for money, that was a tough one for almost a year after I quit work. I had worked since I was 16, and once I started, I didn't ask my parents for money, I used my own. When Darren and I got together, I was all for the "it's OUR money." And then I had a horrible time spending OUR money on myself once I quit work. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that if I wasn't home doing housework, shopping, running errands, going to school with the kids, or practices with them, that he couldn't put in as much time at work as he did. I may not work out of the house, but I do work just as hard as I did when I worked! Reiki, I know you're not alone being single and stuck in the home work home routine. I have plenty of single friends that are the same way. They devote alot of their energy to work, and they devote energy to their homes, and there just isn't much left afterwards. It's just as important for them to be selfish once in awhile as it is for those of us with kids or spouses. Darren's always been very supportive of the things I've done. When I take classes I take them at night when he's home to be with the kids. Those nights were always their nights to go out to dinner, spend time together, and have dad take over the usual bedtime routines. He's always the first to tell me to go out with friends, and when I decline, can't understand it. I've been working on a list of things to do for myself. I chose three classes I am interested in taking at the community college, even though I'm still struggling over rather I want to squish 16 weeks into 8 or wait til September. The mall has a program called mall walkers. They meet a couple mornings a week before the stores open. Going out to lunch with friends, or going out for a drink with hubby once in awhile. There's plenty I can do, I just need to get with it and get out there, LOL! First step is next week, I don't know if we're going to go out to dinner because poor Darren has to get up at 3:30am. We may just stay home, and then go out Saturday morning/afternoon before we pick the kids up. After that, I'm going to force myself into doing something once a week. I may go for a walk in the park, or go pick up a book and hang out at Barnes and Nobles for awhile. Maybe window shopping!
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Tagurit
Member
04-09-2003
| Friday, February 06, 2004 - 6:56 am
Add yet another person to this club! lol I am SAHM, doing all for the family and feel guilty doing or buying for myself. It is a bit harder or annoying don't know which with my situation. My dh works 24 hour shifts so he is gone from one morning to the next (works every other day). Or, like this weekend, he left this morning and we won't see him again until Monday morning as he has Reserves along with work. Yes, I am lucky in the fact I have only one child but he still wants my undivided attention. I also have animals to take care of and my mom (she works) do to things for. I really don't get involved with groups or clubs because 1. there really isn't much to chose from around here and 2. with dh's schedule and mom working, I can't really attend all the meetings. I like ....no make that...love doing crafts. But, after putting ds to bed, I am tired. Painting or whatever is the last thing I want to do. When dh is home, then I have him to take care of and do things with/for. He is good in knowing I need time to myself but there are times I feel guilty sitting painting when I should be cleaning or something. I also don't use the computer as much when he is home. I feel because he is at work and doesn't have unlimited access to a computer, he deserves it while home. So, I limit my time. (I have so much to catch up on the next day though! lol) I too very rarely buy anything for myself. Huge guilt trip after. And, it is just like Wargod described above. Not my money but the families and I could use it buying clothing for dh or ds or food. I did go out last night with my mom and bought two tops. That is only because I got birthday money last week. lol I think this was a great idea Wargod. It is nice to know there are others out there like me,you,etc... Those that feel the way I do and sometimes get lonely too.
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