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Archive through January 13, 2005

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2004 Nov. - 2005 Jan.: Parenting Place {ARCHIVES}: Another WWYD.... (ARCHIVES): Archive through January 13, 2005 users admin

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Danas15146
Member

03-31-2004

Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 10:24 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Ditto to Mamie!

Vee
Member

02-23-2004

Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 10:41 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Ditto to not walking around the block. Also, don't like the idea of a five-year-old clearing the table and wiping it down after a meal, but I like all the rest of the list and heartily believe that children need chores. Perhaps not the entire list every day, but it's just proper life training IMHO. If parents treat the chores with a good positive attitude, the children will as well.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 10:50 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
How come Vee? My kids have been taking their plates to the sink since they started eating at the 'big' table.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 10:52 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Thanks! I thought maybe I was just being overprotective.

Also, no way would I have my son clean out the fishtank! What were they thinking!!???

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 10:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
If my son cleared the table and put stuff in the sink, the glasses would get broken for sure.

Vee
Member

02-23-2004

Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 11:07 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Annie, I think there is a difference between taking one's own plate to the sideboard and clearing the entire table. I agree with you that a five-year-old can clear his/her own dishes. Clearing the entire table seems like too much responsibility for that age. Now a seven-year-old!

Danas15146
Member

03-31-2004

Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 2:30 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Justin & Samantha both take their own dishes to the sink (both have been told to scrap them into the trash and not throw them into the sink). Only a couple of broken plates so far. Their "clear the table" consists of throwing napkins away, putting ketchup, salad dressing, etc. back into the fridge. They also have to help with putting groceries away and putting laundry away (Sam loves to fold the towels!). Other than cleaning up their own stuff - that is about it for their chores.

I would hate to see the aftermath of a 5 year old cleaning a fishbowl!!

My kids aren't allowed out front without an adult -- they can play in the backyard that is fenced in if the back door is open. Maybe over protective - but I am not willing to take a chance of someone grabbing them in front of the house or them running into the street and getting hit by a car.

Mamie316
Member

07-08-2003

Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 2:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I don't think any of you are being overprotective. There is too much of a risk of something happening without an adult with them. It can happen close to your home, even in front of your home. We have a very friendly neighborhood also but I was always outside with the kids while they played. We live on a deadend street that curves into a court. If my daughter wanted to go to her friends around the corner, I would walk with her. We also have neighbors that I have to yell at constantly to slow down. I take my daycare kids outside everyday and sit right there with them as they ride bikes and scooters. They know better than to go into the street but at the same time, you have to be careful. It only takes one second of not thinking. We also have a boy across the street who is handicapped and he rides his bike in the street and I find myself watching him. He's the one I worry about.

Urgrace
Member

08-19-2000

Friday, January 07, 2005 - 1:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Here's a question for my DIL. She is not quite sure how to handle this. My two year old granddaughter has started what may become a habit of putting her own fingers in her mouth, you know, all four. She also bites her nails sometimes.

My grandson had a blanky at an early age and transferred his need to his mother's scrunchies, ones she had worn around her ponytail. Scrunchies were better, because he wanted the comfort of her scent, and she didn't have to worry about lugging around a whole blanket. He eventually grew away from them.

Her daughter will not ever grow away from fingers, since they are attached, but we are hopeful to find a solution to subdue the habit. It seems to be an unconscious movement, happening while her daughter is concentrating on a tv program or playing. The only thing my DIL has done is tell her daughter to take them out of her mouth, but she would like to find a longer lasting solution, without using pepper under the fingernails.

Any advice? Suggestions?

Reader234
Member

08-13-2000

Friday, January 07, 2005 - 1:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
to be honest, it is a habit, and as such you can try and replace it, but my sils both did that, esp in their sleep - they eventually outgrew it, and my mil did nothing, but remind them.(Oh they got to where they only did it at night by Kindergarten, and I think dropped it altogether by 3rd grade,)

Now my aunt hated the thumbsucking habit and tried everything under the sun to get my cousin to stop - it became a power struggle (and of course now I understand about the whole teeth thing...)

So that's just the experiences I've seen, my own kids, dont know why, maybe its because I pushed the pacifier, which was easy to throw away?? (yeah I know no one's believing that!! lol)

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Friday, January 07, 2005 - 2:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Finger sucking isn't usually a problem until age four or five, when permanent teeth start to come in.

If it lasts to that age, you can gain the child's cooperation in discouraging the habit, but at two, she's really too young for that.,

Since at age two it's usually a comfort thing, it's best to ignore it as much as possible. Calling attention to it tends to reinforce the habit more than it helps to diminish it.

If she really feels compelled to do something about it, the best thing is to substitute a different habit, one that your DIL doesn't find offensive. Give her a soft stuffed animal to cuddle or stroke, or distract her into another activity where she can't suck on her fingers.

if you remove her comfort technique without supplying another for her, she may just find one more offensive than fingersucking, so be careful! :-)

When I was little I used to chew on my hair. My mom had my hair cut short so I couldn't do that and I started biting my nails. I never could stop on my own then so I had to get fake nails that I couldn't bite through to make me stop.

Urgrace
Member

08-19-2000

Friday, January 07, 2005 - 2:10 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Thank you so much. The only reason she is concerned is because my granddaughter can bite her nails way down into the quick, making them bleed. I don't think she is necessarily sucking on her fingers, just sticking them in her mouth. <shrug> Seems it runs in the family on DIL's side.

Kar, I twirled my hair on my finger a lot. Even when my hair was short.

Reader, I pushed the pacifier too. It was easier to throw away.

Jewels
Member

09-23-2000

Friday, January 07, 2005 - 2:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Gracie, my son did the same thing with his fingers nails at that age, bit them down to nothing. I was constantly telling him to take his fingers out of his mouth. It took along time (months) for him to stop doing it, but eventually he did. We were to the point where we were going to try the bitter polish stuff, but he didn't have any nails to put it on!

When he stopped biting his nails, he started sucking on his lip, but that eventually stopped too.




Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Friday, January 07, 2005 - 2:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Urgrace, interesting that you would say it runs in the family. I've heard that from several people.

My son used to suck on a pacifier. When he gave that up, he started biting his fingernails. When he gave that up he started chewing on his lip and the inside of his cheek.

I'll be interested to see what's next!

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Friday, January 07, 2005 - 3:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Put red pepper on his fingers

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Friday, January 07, 2005 - 3:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
my daughter went from pacifier to her stuffed doggie "dadog". when dadog was at home during pre-school, she started sucking on the fronts of her shirts. they would get all stretched out and wet from her sucking on them. at night she would suck on dadog's ears and rub them to be comforted. she outgrew this at about age 5

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Friday, January 07, 2005 - 3:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
oh, that reminds me that my son went thru that for awhile - chewing on the end of the sleeves of his long sleeve tshirts, or the collars of short sleeved ones!

Urgrace
Member

08-19-2000

Friday, January 07, 2005 - 3:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Oh good grief! LOL I guess holding one's fingers in one's mouth isn't as unfortunate as the shirt stretching/sucking. The terrible twos hit this little girl much worse than her older brother, so a little nail biting won't be so bad. I've already introduced her to nail polish, and it doesn't taste very good, but she likes having it on. Maybe she will get over it soon all by herself. As she gets older I will advise her that little Princesses should look like Princesses.

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Friday, January 07, 2005 - 9:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Ack, Kota chews on her coat, the top part of the zipper up by the collar. I haven't been able to stop her and every jacket or coat she's had for the last few years we can't zip all the way up cuz she's gnawed it so bad. If you find something to stop that, let me know, lol.

We got off fairly lucky with our kids. Neither one wanted to suck on pacifers (or their fingers.) Dakota went through a phase when she was a tiny baby where she'd gnaw on me. Reason I stopped breast feeding so soon, she'd left me bloody, but would not take a pacifer for nothing. She finally got attached to an ugly baby blanket. She still won't go to sleep without that blankie. She's the fourth kid to have that blanket (it had belonged to Darren's neice and nephew so it's at least 18 years old now,) and despite a few more baby's being born after her, she's not giving it up.

Zachsmom
Moderator

07-13-2000

Saturday, January 08, 2005 - 11:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My son is a thumb sucker and a blanky person. He was really bad when he was younger but I never did anything as Karuuna said it's a comfort thing. He's 6 now and doesn't do it unless he's very very very tired or one a rare occasion in his sleep. When it's in his sleep he's not really sucking, his thumb is just kind of there. It is very rare that he sucks his thumb otherwise. Blanky he carries around no matter what. I will never take away Blanky. Tell DIL that she'll grow out of it when she is ready. I would never suggest taking away or stopping a comfort item/behavior (unless it's harmful)

Teachmichigan
Member

07-22-2001

Saturday, January 08, 2005 - 10:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My DS turns 10 this week, and it has only been in the last month that his "bunny" was put on the toy box next to the bed instead of IN bed with him. He's had it since the day he was born. When he was 4, and Bunny was getting more threadbare, I got "copies" of him from ebay -- but little bugger wanted NOTHING to do with them! LOL When we put bunny up to keep him safe from holes (had a couple of snags that looked like they could rip at any time), DS finally consented to use the imitations. They were actually the exact same bunny -- just minus the lovin' of 10 years.

As a woman who kept her "blankie" until she accidently left it in a dorm room at the age of 30 -- I'm all for letting the wee ones have their comfort. There have even been studies done that show people w/ "security" objects (and white noise) sleep better. Can argue w/ science, can we?? :-)

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Saturday, January 08, 2005 - 10:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
i forgot to say that holly still sleeps with "mr fuzzums" and "fat cat" now. and i sleep with chrisbear. i got him for my 18th birthday. he's been with me since then. he wears his own jammies though.

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Wednesday, January 12, 2005 - 11:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I threatened Caleb with a punishment today that I'm still kicking myself over. I don't think I was wrong to be upset, but I handled the whole situation badly.

He came home today with his homework folder and I found about a weeks worth of math homework (that he had done and we had checked over and signed) in his folder. This stuff should have been turned in the week before they got out of school for Christmas break! I have no idea why he's not turning it in.

So I'm sitting there holding this stack of papers, giving him a lecture about how even though he gets great grades on his tests by not turning in his homework his grade is dropping, and since he has it done on time theres no reason he shouldn't turn it in. Then I heard something stupid fall out of my mouth before I could stop it.

I told him if he didn't turn it in tomorrow that I'd march his little bottom into class Friday morning and watch as he turned it in. Oy. I don't tell the kids I'm going to do something then not follow through on it. Saves on arguments, because they know I mean what I say. Worse, Caleb's old enough to accept the consequences of his actions. He's old enough to take responsibility for turning in his own homework and taking a bad grade if he doesn't.

Watching a kid turn in homework is something I do with Kota since she's younger and new to having the homework count towards her grades. Sure, I still check his backpack at night to make sure he put his homework folder in there, and I'll ask in the morning if they have thier lunch boxes, and yes please double check, but he has to have some responsibility for his own work.

I'm not sure now what to do though. I think taking him in and watching him turn it in would be a mistake. He has to learn to do it on his own and not forget (which he said is what happened, but I can't figure out how he forgets when 22 other children are turning theirs in!) And if he doesn't turn it in, he needs to learn he'll get a bad grade and have to deal with the consequences of that. But I'm also not sure that once I told him I'd do it that I shouldn't follow through. I want him to understand how serious I am about doing their best in school. Bad grades because they are struggling and not understanding aren't going to get them in trouble. It will get them more help from us, however and whatever that may be. Bad grades because they aren't doing their work and aren't turning in what they do do is going to get them in trouble. Laziness doesn't get you out of doing your best in school.

And then I go back and forth some more. If I march him in to turn in his homework, whats that going to teach him about being responsible for his own work? That mom will make sure it's taken care of, so he doesn't have to worry about it? And yet if I don't will he thinks its ok not to turn in homework? And then be suprised when he gets busted for getting lower grades for not turning it in?

So what would ya'll do? I have no problem admitting to my kids I'm wrong if I am, and I'm really thinking I am wrong. If he hasn't learned yet why HE has to turn in his own homework, then it's about time he did. I don't want to see my kids stumble and fall, but he is old enough to make his own mistakes and learn from them. Ack, see, lol! I think I'm wrong, I'm just not sure how to fix it!

On the same note but not about him, I can not figure out why his teacher hasn't mentioned this to us. If his grades slip she's supposed to send home weekly progress reports and make sure we're aware of the problem so that we can work together to figure out a solution. I haven't heard a word from her. This wasn't just a day or two of homework, it was at least a weeks worth. I'm in no way blaming her for him not turning it in, but am bothered by the fact this was homework due the week before they got out, so she had a week to send home a progress report or note, or heck even chat with me when I pick him up from class! Let me know he hasn't turned it in so I can figure out what's going on.

Max
Member

08-12-2000

Thursday, January 13, 2005 - 12:48 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Well, I don't have kids, so take this with a grain of salt if you will. However, I would think that the embarrassment of you marching into the classroom and watching him turn in his homework is a much longer-lasting lesson than a bad grade. Just seems like a bad grade has a whole lot less importance to most kids than being embarrassed by their parents in front of their peers. So, if you follow through on your threat, I bet he won't forget to turn in homework the next time.

From what I've seen, some kids just don't ever grasp the importance of good grades no matter what their parents tell them. They DO, however, understand it when their parents march them into the school and confront the situation head-on.

I have a friend with a 15-year-old who was in a similar situation. They tried everything to get him to do his homework and work at getting decent grades. Finally switched him to a private Christian school where they wear uniforms and have a classical educational curriculum. YOu'd think he'd rebel 10-fold over in that situation, but he didn't. Turns out what he really needed was to feel noticed by the teachers as well as his parents (they're divorced and mom does 95% of the parenting, but when dad found out about the grades, he got REAL involved). Now he feels like kids and teachers will notice if he's not around or not engaged and he's doing a lot better, even though the classes are more advanced than where he was before.

Anyway, I think some kids just respond better when they see parents and teachers really ARE paying attention. And, yes, some kids don't get the point until they are totally embarrassed in front of their friends by their mom or dad marching into class to watch them turn in their homework.

Anyway, that's my thought as a non-parent. Easy for me to say, eh? :-) HOpe it all works out. :-)

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, January 13, 2005 - 6:31 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
How old is he? I agree about letting them suffer the consequences, but if the teacher hasn't even mentioned it you have a dual problem. He might be thinking it's no big deal if she doesn't care either and mom is just over reacting. Can you email the teacher first and find out what's going on?
My daughter really could care less about grades. I have to actually find ways to impress upon her the importance of school. It doesn't help if she is getting no consequences at school.