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Archive through April 27, 2004

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2004 Nov. - 2005 Jan.: Parenting Place {ARCHIVES}: Struggling with Parenting, WWYD?: Archive through April 27, 2004 users admin

Author Message
Spygirl
Member

04-23-2001

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 12:15 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    

quote:

I hate that there is still a stigma about seeking help, for adults or children. To say that the child should feel like she is "so troubled" that she has to see a psychologist validates that negative stereotype. I think as a society we'd all be better off if we could get past that. Parenting is the most difficult job we'll ever have. Therefore, I'm amazed that it's the one job that we think we don't need any training, or even professional help if it's warranted. Personally, I think admitting we don't have all the answers and seeking those answers is an act of courage and maturity. That's exactly the example we ought to be setting for our kids.




Karuuna, that might be one of the most poignant and relevant statements I've heard on this board in months. I'm gonna pass this along to my supervisees. Thank you.

Bobbie_552001
Member

03-26-2003

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 12:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I too clap my hands Karuuna....Bravo!! My youngest son, who is 16, calls his therapist up just to "check in"...he is a bright and very well balanced child because of her imput. I could never have brought him through what he has come to face in his short lifetime alone....thank you!

Eliz87
Member

07-30-2001

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 12:38 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Okay guys, hang on a minute...Nowhere did I infer that there was a stigma attached to getting help. I did use the words "so troubled" because, usually, children are indeed "so troubled" by the time they finally land in a therapist's office. And if there are any negative stereotypes involved here, it's the parent who takes the child to a therapist in order to "fix" the child, much like they would drop a car off to the shop. I saw this happen too many times and it is absolutely sickening to watch the interaction between parent and child in these cases. And remember, too, that I worked with a child psychiatrist -- not a psychologist or a social worker, and a whole lot of the parents were looking for a miracle drug to solve the problem. Also, it didn't help that the doctor I worked with would poke fun at the patients and their families after they left, saying "They are so f***ed," and so forth (she never did this with any of the children who were dealing with abuse issues or bereavement). So, yes, my perception of the mental health industry is slightly skewed.

And you're right -- parenting IS a big job. Why do so many people accept the job if they are not up to it is my question.

Anyway, I am absolutely NOT implying that anyone here at TVCH is guilty of any of this, however. I might see things a little differently and I'm not really a "softie" so to speak, but I do still care...really...and I sincerely apologize if my choice of words offended anyone.

Spygirl
Member

04-23-2001

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 12:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Eliz, you words didn't offend me (though I don't necessarily agree with everything you said), I just couldn't get past how much meaning there was in what Karuuna said and wanted to highlight her comments. Parenting is by far the hardest job people "decide" to accept and I wish more people accessed job training :-)

Eliz87
Member

07-30-2001

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 12:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
A manual would be cool. Maybe you could work on that Spy. My kids are only 20 months old and 8 weeks old and I feel that I'm going to need some serious help! But no matter what, we can all be assured of one thing. No matter who we consult or what decisions we make, our children will never be perfect and neither will we. Cheers!

Bobbie_552001
Member

03-26-2003

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 12:54 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
You didn't offend me in the least Eliz87. I had just gotten done reading Spy's post and when I saw reference to Karuuna's post I went back and read it and agreed with a great deal of what she said. So I acknowledged that. And just for the record....my exhusband and I sought out counseling for our son when we were going through our divorce. He wasn't "messed up" or in a crisis situation...but I believe in preventative treatment. At that time he was able to build trust in his therapist and now when anything is troubling him he seeks her out. When his close friend died...she was an angel. It helps just to have someone besides Mom and Dad to talk to. He knows that he can tell her anything and not have to worry about what she is telling us. She is someone "safe" for him!

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 1:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Yikes, Eliz, that psychiatrist you worked for sounds like HE needed a psychiatrist! :-)

It is clear that you care, or you wouldn't be here offering your perspective. Never doubted that. I'm not a 'softie" either, in that I do think it's important to teach children well. But there's "you'll do what I say" thinking, and there's firm & disciplined parenting that also listens to and respects your children's feelings. To me, it's not an either/or kind of thing. You don't have to trade away your softness in exchange for discipline. You get to have both.

Here's the thing, we all come at this from different angles, and that's probably a good thing. It keeps us in balance, keeps anyone of us from going overboard too far in one direction.

Truly, it did trouble me that you would say that going to a psychologist on the one hand would damage her self esteem, and then you said it would reward her. Doesn't that seem contradictory?

You are correct that there are a lot of parents who won't admit that THEY need to change. It's certainly one of the biggest problems I faced in practice, since by definition in my area, the parents often ARE the problem. That doesn't mean you can't help the child. They still benefit from having an ally, and I would argue that in the case of parents who are truly dysfunctional, that child needs the empathy and support of a professional even more. The best cases are where you can work with the parent, help them see how some changes in their parenting style will help their child, and they get to go home with some new, more effective skills.

A lot of folks have no idea going in how big a job parenting is. And just because we have to get some on the job training doesn't mean we shouldn't be parents. Often it's not until you get into something that you find out where you are lacking. Some of us weren't blessed with caring and wonderful parents either - so we go in with lousy role models and not the best experiences to draw from, so even our experiential training sucked! I don't think that means we shouldn't have kids either.

In general, I would agree that in an ideal world, we could nip disrespectful behavior in the bud, provided there is nothing underlying that behavior. But one kid may just be doing some normal testing of the limits; while another may be deeply troubled and acting out. In the second case, it can be very damaging to deal with only the symptom, without understanding the underlying cause for the behavior. This is what I think is going on with Reader's daughter, given the limited information we have to work with. And as I said before, we often inadvertantly reward and encourage that behavior, making it worse. I know I did for a time. That doesn't mean there isn't a more serious issue going on that needs to be dealt with. So you have to deal with both issues - how we react to the behavior, AND what caused the behavior.

I think it's a great idea to require DS to go along now and then and be supportive of his sister's activities. In general it will probably flow more the other way, since he seems to be old enough to be on his own, and DD is not. However, a little sibling appreciation for each other is a good thing to grow!

By the way, I think your characterization of someone instigating a bar fight and then humming is unfortunate. The training technique of using soothing music comes from well established programs in anger management. It works quite well, and I used it often when I worked with batterers. I didn't say it was a redirection technique as much as I said it was a way to learn to control your own anger, and doing that was effective modeling of what to do to self-soothe. Like counting to ten, or taking a time out, or a walk, or a run, or whatever. People get angry, that's a fact of life. What we need to do is to learn appropriate responses to being angry. And any technique that interrupts the step from angry to acting out is a good one, in my opinion.

And thanks for the nice note about the Keepsakes! It's always nice to hear from a happy customer!

PS - Thanks Spy & Bobbie. Every once in awhile I might get something right. :-)

Eliz87
Member

07-30-2001

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 2:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Karuuna, I admire the fact that you are so obviously well-versed in this subject.

The song-singing thing is something I've never heard of and I couldn't resist thinking how this practice might come into play later in life. It just struck me as kind of funny, so I posted that scenario thinking it was humorous in a lame kind of way. Next time I will try not to make such a blatant display of my ignorance. :-)

I do think that I need to reexamine my attitude toward the mental health profession as a whole. Unfortunately I just really got a bad first impression. Interestingly enough (and off-topic), the registered nurses who performed therapy (CNS's I think?) in our office displayed the most caring attitude toward their patients and seemed to have much more of a desire to actually make a change in the patient's life, the psychologists were in general very objective, and the psychiatrists were just egotistical for the most part. So, the nurses realized they were dealing with humans and acted accordingly, the psychologists leaned more toward their book learning, and the psychiatrists were mostly just concerned with themselves (to sum it up neatly). I do hope that this is the exception and not the rule in the mental health care field.

And, well, we could go on for days debating the other issues...what consequences if any there are when DD spouts off at her mother, whether mom should seek outside help, the general value of therapy, etc. but I don't think we'll ever completely agree, and there IS no right answer anyway -- so many shades of gray. Hopefully Reader will just realize that we are thinking about her and that we're here if she needs a shoulder. :-)

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 2:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
It's funny. I am getting flack from my dad about our ds not going to "enough" of dd's stuff, even though she has spent her whole life being drug to his. And she even comments about it too. I am so torn too...part of me wants that Walton type "all for one, let's support each other attitude" fostered between my kids. The other part of me doesn't want the agony of dealing with a grumpy teenager who really doesn't want to be there. Part of it is if she was older, she maybe could stay home.
So many things I said when my kids were little that I would do or what would happen when they were older as just plain not happening! When does it ever get easier?

Faerygdds
Member

08-29-2000

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 2:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Tex.. it gets easier when you die... only then can you truly stop worrying about all the things you are doing and have done... :-)

Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings!

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 3:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
gee....thanks.........where is that heading banging icon????

could you imagine staying with any OTHER job that you were underpaid, under appreciated, very few affirmations and absolutely no idea if you had done it well for at least 20 years or so???!!!!

Reader234
Member

08-13-2000

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 3:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
{{HUGS}} I love the dialogue!! Thank you!!

No offense taken.. actually Eliz I had a *duh moment today... I remembered ds in first grade also had an outburst or two etc at school and was put on a 'behavior' chart... which got me thinking maybe I am too 'soft', or too "general" in expecatations of DD... maybe if she saw and had some hard evidence of expecatations (chores, and behavior) with a clear reward that maybe that is what she needs (and i've read and believe that we should fulfill needs w/o rewards because then the child will only 'perform' for the rewards... so in that respect I am torn...)

Karuuna, it was YOU!! :-) I didnt post the Come by here, because I doubted if anyone knew that one - but yep, that is exactly why I was singing to keep myself calm. I come from an abusive background (not extreme mind you) in which I often find myself resorting to hysterics. I've gone thru a lot of self help, and teaching classes (its easier to work with other kids at school, and if I can help them, I'd better be 100% and that includes home, etc etc) I've tried in the past to respond, but then I find myself spiraling into the argument, and I dont believe that has good outcomes. I watched a Dr Phil show where the mom was video taped saying horrid, mean things calmly to her 11 yr old, I dont like you, or i hate you... and was shocked, so then I started examining my words to my dd, and yes I found myself saying your behavior attitude is unacceptable, but more often than not i was focusing on the negatives, and not the positives... so I tried to say "I love you" catch her being good, and tell her how proud I was...

Your right in my questioning is this behavior related to the death of Zack. They had a birthday party at school for Zack, one school social worker (from Special Ed that i trust) mentioned that so many were focusing on Zak, she could be reaching out for some of that attention.

There have been some natural consequences to her spout off, but this has only occured 3 times so far. So as it is fairly new, I was seeking out assitance, and coupled with the note she wrote, I know i dont have all the answers, and that there are people, and books with a whole lot more info than me!!

Also, on a side note... I appreciate the concern on prayer and my singing... at one time I remember demanding someone "pray" with me, I now realize i would have used that to power my attitude, my way, as opposed to trying to find peace. I've learned that lesson too... so to confirm, I needed it to keep myself calm, and she was so out of control anger wise that I doubt if she even heard me in the beginning. However, I feel that once we got to the school her demeaner had calmed down much faster than on Saturday, where the anger/temper lasted for a full 45 min. (that time was with her father btw)

As far as DS going to DD games, that has happened. but so many times when they have games scheduled, they are both on the same day, time, so we divide and conquer, or DS is out on his own (which is appropriate) someone has always been at dd games, and she has never had to miss due to a conflict. DS's take pride in cheering DD and when she was in ballet, they came to the recital as well.

Funny you bring up the manual, I know i'm still searching for it, and have some of my friends looking too (her teacher as well come to think of it!!)

Again, thank you for the dialogue, and the well wishes... all are taken with open arms!!

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 3:38 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Reader, my heart goes out to you. Really.

One thing that has help me (so take this for what it's worth) is children experience emotions for the first time and they don't know how to react to them. I sometimes forget this. Children have the same feelings as adults, and yet they are scarier because they've never experienced them before so they don't know the proper type of behavior. We assume by telling them once or twice what is acceptable that they will "get it" when sometimes it take 200 times.It's our job as parents to guide them to through and teach them the proper ways to display emotions. It's not easy! Heck, I am 35 and sometimes I don't know the proper way to display my emotions.

I let Zachary know it's okay to be mad. It's taken a few years for him to be able to put words to the emotions he is feeling. More often than not, he's able to say "I am mad" or "That makes me angry" intead of hitting, biting or throwing things. This is not 100% of the time. Heck, if it's 20% that's a high average! But we work on it, take each day as it comes. Even if I have to explain over and over again what is acceptable and what isn't.

I do know it hurts to see your child have these types of emotions. We as parents only want them to be happy and joyful children. We never want to see them hurt or confused or even angry. At least I don't. Let me rephrase that...I don't want him to have those emotions towards me. It hurts to hear "I hate you" "I don't love you" or "Your not my friend anymore". I am crushed, but I have to tell him "Well, that's okay, it's alright for you to hate me and have these feelings towards me, but I still love you and nothing will change that".

It's hard Reader, and I feel for you.

Whether you feel counseling is for you, well, that's up to you and what you are comfortable with. I don't see counseling as a cure all for every situation in life. Sometimes you have to go with your internal/maternal gut feelings and do what's best for you and your child.

I only wish you the best sweetie!

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 3:43 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Well, Eliz, let me tell ya, it really is amusing to see a grown up tough guy offender singing Amazing Grace or Come By Here, but it seems to work. It appears music does soothe the savage beast. :-)

It is true that there are good and bad therapists of all stripes. My bias is to rely on licensed psychotherapists with PhDs; since that's where I've had the best experiences. But I also know that there are competent therapists of all different kinds of education and education levels (I myself don't have a PhD, only a Masters). The important thing is that if they set your teeth on edge, or raise the hackles on the back of your neck, it's probably not a good place to be!

And there are many right answers, in most cases. The best answer is the one that best suits the personalities involved, so all we can do is offer our perspectives. I'm confident Reader can sort thru them and pick and choose the ideas that will be most helpful to her and her daughter, since she knows the most about the situation. Right, Reader? :-)

I just appreciate everyone always jumping in to help and offer ideas and especially support. I can't even begin to say how much that's helped me in my son's awful orthodontic experiences. It's so easy to lose perspective when it's your own child.

I always found it personally amusing that I had to go get help to learn how to help my son with his anger. The therapist and I used to giggle about how I was thought to be one of the local experts for difficult cases (especially in the area of abused children); and when it came to my own son's behavior problems, I was more like a babbling idiot.

Texannie, the trick is learning to ignore the grumpiness. Just make him go, and YOU be cheery and act as if he's cheery too. If you make hiim go AND expect him to be pleasant, that's probably expecting too much. Eventually if you don't demand that he be cheerful, he probably will of his own volition. And um, good luck!

I do have a nice helmet you can borrow if you insist on using the head-banging wall!

LOL, Reader, how funny that I didn't remember. Honestly, if you can stay calm, that does more to help your child find calm than anything. Have you ever heard of "resonant empathy?" It's the name for what happens when we take on the feelings of someone else in close proximity. We all know that if someone runs into a room and starts yelling and crying, our breathing gets more shallow and rapid and we find ourselves getting tense and upset too. It's a part of group psychology theory, and it does have a biological basis.

The same goes for kids and parents - and even more so. So if she gets mad, then you get upset. Then she senses your upset and she gets more upset and angry, and it escalates. Just like arguments between adults. Singing breaks the cycle. It calms you and brings your blood pressure and breathing back to normal, instead of your biology going off to match hers. And then she starts to resonate with you instead. Your calm and patient demeanor starts to influence her biology.

It's fascinating stuff to me, but then I've always been kind of a nerd... the biological basis for behavior was also where I did my masters work....

Jewels
Member

09-23-2000

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 4:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Fascinating converstaion you all are having. Coming from a mom having issues with a 4 year old, thank you!

Anyone know of any good books on dealing with toddlers? There are so many out there, I feel overwhelmed. I am at my wits end and very frustrated. He has always been such a good boy, we have had our battles, but worked through them. Now I see things in him that worry me and I am blaming myself for not doing a good enough job. Is this normal? I'm lost.



Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 4:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My life saver was Magic 1-2-3 by Thomas W. Phelan. I have alot of friends who like Love and Logic.
And, yes...that feeling never goes away!
It's funny, the toddler stuff never bothered me. I dealt with it. I find that with my 14 year old, it's the EXACT same behavior but just an older version of it. I react because he is older, but if I treat him like I did when he was 4, I get the same good response. I just have to keep reminding myself of that fact. It's just so hard to look up (yep, he's taller) at someone and realize that they are really a very tall 4 year old! LOL

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 10:49 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Jewels, I wonder if you are willing to say what things he's doing that trouble you?

What I find is that often those "troubling" things are really normal behavior for a particular age level; and really have nothing to do with how good a job you're doing.

I like a book called "Growing Child". They have 3, each by age group, and you'd be into book 3 at this point, if your son is over four. You can buy the book alone, or you can get the book along with a monthly Email newsletter. They have their own website: www.growingchild.com.


What I like about this book is that it talks about both the physical changes/development AND the emotional and intellectual changes your child goes thru at each age, month by month. It talks about the kind of behavior, both positive and negative, you may encounter, and how to deal with troubling behaviors as well.

It's very supportive and kind, and nonjudgmental, IMO. But the best thing about it is that it helps folks to have reasonable expectations for their children at a given age. Often we view our children as mini-adults, and forget that they have so much to learn. So many things we take for granted are all completely new to them. Grounding in what they are truly capbable of at a given age really helps us see that all these things that we think are problems are often just normal developmental issues.

Good luck!




Eliz87
Member

07-30-2001

Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 11:11 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
This is something I've never heard of, Karuuna. It looks really nice. Did you receive them when your children were younger?

I already receive free weekly updates for my children through babycenter.com which provides developmental information, articles, message boards, etc. plus I subscribe to Parents magazine. Do these books/e-mail updates offer something additional that I may not already be getting? Do you think they go more in-depth than other sources about what to do at various stages of your child's development?

Jewels
Member

09-23-2000

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 1:47 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Texannie, I am happy for you that you that the toddlers years never bothered you. You are lucky and must be the perfect mom.

Karuuna, thank you for your insigt and help. I will be sure to check out the book and the website. I apprecitate it.

At this point, I don't know how far I want to dive into my concerns. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, my son is a sweetheart. He is extremely bright and well behaved. He is amazing.

But, he has no idea how to "play". His only interests are the TV, his computer, or video games. He never wants to do anything else. I have tried and tried, believe me. He will play with me for a little while, to appease me, and then go back to something else. It's almost like he has no imagination and I am having a horrible time trying to spark it. I have tried everything...I have not let him watch TV for over 3 weeks, the video games are going away tonight and his computer time is now limited. I have joined a moms group in order to give him more activities and I am going to sign him up for gymnastics. I try to play with him constantly and nothing is working. I am at my wits end.

At this point, I really don't need to hear "coulda, shoulda, woulda", I realize I have made mistakes. I am trying to change them and go on.

Anyone have any ideas on sparking an imagination? Thanks.




Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 2:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Oh, Good Lord NO, and if my post implied that I am truly sorry!!! No way in hell even close to it.

Eliz87
Member

07-30-2001

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 2:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Annie, I'm noticing that you are sort of getting a bum rap this week (but maybe that's because I feel sort of "jumped on" myself here the past few days). You most certainly did not imply anything of the sort. I, personally, always find your comments to be helpful. Don't even think about stopping! :-)

Reader234
Member

08-13-2000

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 3:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Ditto Eliz, {{{HUGS}}} Jewels,

Jewels, I'm sorry you feel you made mistakes... somehow as I compare my situation, I wonder if we are just so hard on ourselves... what is wrong with trying to make it better?

When he plays computer games, or video, or watches TV, what is his interests? Believe it or not DD loves to collect rocks, which I grabbed and sparked a whole lot on crstals, we grew crystals, we visited rock stores, we dug for rocks, we bought tons of rock books - lol, but she LOVED it, and would spend hours reading a very dry rock book!! I know lots of boys are interested in dinosaurs, my one girlfriend was upset because her 3 yr old thought dinosaurs lived, because they were in a book!! She takes him to the library reading group... and they do art projects etc. Some kids have 'tactical' issues... like they dont want to get their hands dirty, think of it as a phobia and respect that...

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 4:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Jewels, FWIW, I think you're doing the right thing. Is he an only child? If so, you're starting to socialize him at the right age, by involving him in groups of children. Personally, I think you are being way too hard on yourself.

Keep in mind that some kids just are not social by nature. They prefer to keep to themselves. It may be that hanging around kids his own age will help model other kinds of playing for him. Or he may still want to stay off on his own, doing his own thing. That doesn't mean you should give up. Let him hang on the fringes of the group, and let him join in when he's ready. He's bright, and he'll figure it out.

Whatever happens, it will take time! Maybe years! So please be patient with him and you. I really don't think you've done anything wrong here, I think your kid is just a bit of a loner/techie by nature. He may be the next Bill Gates!

I tell ya, when my kid was 4-1/2, he would not play computer games or watch tv for more than 5 minutes. He's just always naturally been a physically active kid. Now while that sounds great, imagine how horrific long car rides are for us!

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 4:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Eliz, I do like Growing Child because I find it to be very well founded in current child developmental theory, and they explain that theory in simple terms in their monthly issues. There's not much that's guilt inducing about their language, and for me, they seem to be able to find that right balance between firmness and structure which children need, and softness and yielding, which children also need. I think parenting is trying to navigate that very difficult balance, giving them the freedom they need to grow and figure things out, while providing limits and structure to keep them safe and teaching discipline.

No wonder I think it's the toughest job on the planet!

No one does it perfectly, and I'm sorry some of you feel jumped on. If I have added to that in any way, I am truly very sorry. In my own clumsy way, I'm just trying to throw my own opinion into the mix. I'll admit I should probably take more care with my posts. Too often I just post on the fly, without thinking about if someone might take it the wrong way.


Eliz87
Member

07-30-2001

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 4:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Jewels, I can't go by my own children because they are too young, but my mother was very frustrated with me as a child because I was, too, kind of a loner and by no means a "girly girl" (that is what she wanted I think). Tea parties, dolls and any activity done outside were of absolutely no interest to me. I was totally into reading books and watching television, coloring, doing those "Fun Pad" activity books (yesteryear's equivalent of the computer probably), and playing cards. She didn't understand because the other kids in my family were all into toys, playing outside, dance class (for the girls), etc. (But eventually she adapted, as I was also very stubborn! haha) Thankfully she didn't drag me off to a doctor for an evaluation. (I saw many kids like this in the psychiatric practice whose parents were concerned that their children were borderline autistic and/or an Asperger's case just because their children weren't acting like "normal" kids.)

Reader & Karuuna both make excellent points. From what you've said, I agree that your child is just being himself and will join in and play when he finds something that interests him. And may I add that it is very cool that you are trying to find something suitable! There's something for everyone, so maybe you'll hit a bullseye quicker than you think. :-)

And I think it's sweet that he plays with you to appease you. That is really, really heartwarming, and very telling of the relationship that you share with him. Thanks for sharing that with us.