Author |
Message |
Justalittlebean
Member
08-15-2003
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 12:11 pm
I really need some advice on how to deal with my 22 yr old daughters boyfriend. My daughter lives at home with myself, her father and brother. She works fulltime and is a wonderful person. The problem is she has no backbone. She is seeing a 23 yr old guy who she went to school with. The guy has a college degree but his main purpose in life is to study nature, state parks, and in a nutshell not work. He worked at WalMart while attending high school and went to college, got a degree and got a job doing what he went to school for. He didn't like the job, quit in April and has been unemployed since. He wants to go back to WalMart but WalMart is jerking him around, "come back in 30 days" etc. and etc. He's a very depressing person and I see him bringing my daughter down. I try to be nice to him, I don't think he's a bad person, but his upbringing is so different than ours. The boy has no manors, he walks in our house, will not speak and when he does, his head is down and he mumbles. You have to drag words out of him. My daughter says his entire family is like that. He wears a ballcap 24/7, pulled down on his face, you can't even see his eyes. He won't even take it off to eat dinner. My husband and I were taught to remove our hats in the house and always eating dinner. I just need advice on how to get through to my daughter not to let him yank her around. He makes all the decisions on what they will do and if he doesn't like something, he says he's going home to "mope". I'm sorry for venting, but I really need some advice. I tell her to stop trying to please everyone, just please herself. Thanks for listening to me. 
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Justalittlebean
Member
08-15-2003
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 12:16 pm
One more thing, I forgot to ask, what time do most people eat dinner? His family thinks our family is weird because we eat dinner between 5pm and 6pm. They eat dinner from 8:30 to 9:30. His parents, work, but are home by 5pm at the latest. I know this isn't a big thing, but I'm just curious what time my board friends eat dinner. 
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Kaili
Member
08-31-2000
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 12:28 pm
I hate to say it, but I kind of think you may just have to let your daughter learn her own lessons and make her own decisions. It doesn't sound like either of them are doing anything bad or really harmful. Maybe emotionally or whatever you see it as harmful- but when it comes to stuff like this I don'tt hink a lot of daughter's put a lot of stock in mom's advice. She must see something in him that you don't. I'm just saying this because you sound a lot like my mom regarding Tim a few years ago. Tim has always been quiet around my family. We're very affectionate, outgoing, and chatty. he'd come to visit my family with me and talk very little. He said he doesn't know the people we're talking about so... Also, his family and his upbringing are VERY different from mine. We overwhelm him. They aren't affectionate, don't talk to each other alot, etc. Also Tim is a bit of an introvert and my mom just didn't get why he'd come up there then not want to run around with us and talk constantly. He's want to take a break, sit back, and read a magazine. Well, my mom was never really direct with me very often but I always felt she didn't like him. I tried to explain him to her and she didn't seem to get it. She took his quietness as being a negative thing and would always ask if he's unhappy, etc. The one thing I had is that my cousin lives near me and we'd go to her house a lot. It took Tim awhile but he opened up more with my cousin and I had to have my cousin basically vouch for him. Lately Tim has made more of an effort to talk and it helps that my mom has been a little kore open with him as well. The problem before was that he'd try to talk to her and she came across as negative with him so neither of them could get anywhere. My mom thought I was unhappy because I'd be torn when I went there- wanting to make sure Tim was having a good time (my mom lives in the middle of nowhere nearly 6 hours from here) and wanting to not totally ignore him, but also wanting to spend time with my mom and do stuff. It would stress me out because I was trying to make everyone happy. Spend time with my mom but not basically drag Tim up there and then ignore him. Now I do my thing and I've learned to not try to force Tim to do what he doesn't want to do. If he doesn't want to go for a walk with my mom and I do, I take his word that nothing is wrong and that he just doesn't want to go, and I go. I don't get stressed, my mom doesn't see me as being unhappy, and everything is fine. Basically, what it's come to is that my mom still really doesn't get Tim because he's different from us, but she does see that he and I get along very well and that we have fun together. He's not perfect but no one is. My mom will never really understand why he is the way he is, but she's accepted that I accept him as he is and it's my decision to make. If it was a mistake, it would be my mistake and she's be there for me afterward but if she's pressured me ever to not see him, I guarantee it wold have done nothing but put a wedge in my relationship with her and stressed my relationship with him because of the wedge with my mom. I hope I'm making a little bit of sense. Good luck!
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Kaili
Member
08-31-2000
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 12:29 pm
Ahhh... by the way I eat dinner when I'm hungry but usually it's late. It can vary but I'd say 8 or 9 anyway. I'm used to it because I work late and get home late, but I eat that late on weekends too. When we go out for dinner we usually go around 9.
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Justalittlebean
Member
08-15-2003
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 12:39 pm
Thanks Kaili, the problem is, she always crying because of the way he treats her. I try and tell her that nobody can do anything about it but herself. He's a very depressing person and is always down and depressed and he brings her down. Our family has gone thru some very hardtimes the last 5 years. My brother and his wife were killed in a auto accident, which was all the family I have besides my Mother. My husband, her father had a serious heartattack and surgery and he is living on borrowed time. So mentally, she's very fragile and I'm really worried about her. I have never told her to break up with him, I just say that she needs to stand up for herself and not let anyone take advantage of her. She and I have a very close relationship and she has told me she thinks he needs mental help. One day he is up on top of the world and the next day, he's at the bottom. By all means, I don't want to put a wedge between us. I really understand what your saying, but I don't want to see her have a mental breakdown and I'm afraid she's heading that way. She's on medication and it's killing me seeing her suffer. Thanks again. 
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Vee
Member
02-23-2004
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 12:42 pm
Wish I had great words of wisdom, but I don't. I can just say from my experience with daughter's boyfriends that often it is best to allow your daughter to come to her own conclusions. How does she describe this young man? What is it that she sees that is positive in him? Is she concerned about any of this? No, it is not unusual to eat supper at a reasonable hour such as you are accustomed to doing. What I find odd is that there would be discussion about what the young man's family thinks about your family. Do you and your daughter enjoy a close mother/daughter relationship with a lot of quality conversation? If so, you would not be as reluctant as I might be to discuss these concerns. (Believe me, I have had a number of concerns through the years, but that is a given for parents, no matter the age of their children.) Maybe someone not as close to the situation and with a fresh perspective could discuss some of these concerns with her in the most practical sense. Hope that you get some good advice here...
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Kaili
Member
08-31-2000
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 12:44 pm
Hmmmm...that makes it a lot harder then if she knows and sees that there's a problem. Have they been together for a long time? It kind of sounds like, if she thinks he has problems mentally, that she'd stay with him out of obligation/guilt/responsibility- like it would be maybe "mean" of her to leave him. I can see why that would be hard-if you see someone you care about struggling (him), you don't want to desert them- but that's the same thing that's going on with you and her (her this time being the one struggling). Has she tried talking with him at all?
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Vee
Member
02-23-2004
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 12:50 pm
That's a tough one...this need to rescue is an extremely difficult thing for some young women to overcome. Hope that she will see that she is not going to be able to "rescue" anyone. Possibly, your daughter needs to work on being her best self before she even considers a serious relationship. She will be much happier for it. The trick is standing by and allowing her to make her own choices without losing your own peace of mind. Don't forget to take care of yourself, too, Justalittlebean.
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Karuuna
Member
08-31-2000
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 12:59 pm
Often, someone won't leave an unhappy situation because they either think they will always be alone; or they feel guilty for leaving. I have no way of knowing what your daughter's motivation is for staying stuck in this situation, so I'm just going to speak in general. She obviously cares about the fella, but seems to have lost perspective. Sometimes it's helpful to take the approach of asking her what she really thinks it means to love somebody. We tend to think (subconsciously) that the most loving thing to do is to tolerate someone's bad behavior and not leave them. But really, you don't do anyone any favors by suffering thru them. This man deserves a better life, as does your daughter. The loving thing for her to do for BOTH of them is to NOT accept his bad behavior. To demand that he get help, and maybe get help for herself. It is not love to sit by and watch someone be miserable and make everyone else miserable-- that is the opposite of love. And she can't fix him herself, he needs professional help. Love is not toleration. Real love is action and courage. Perhaps if you can appeal to her that way, she might be able to hear you? Another thing you might clarify with your daughter is to make sure she is living her own life, chasing her own dreams. The self worth generated by being your own person creates a lot of strength to do what's best for you and for others. I wouldn't worry so much about the customs of hats and dinner hours. Different folks have different sensibilities about these things. I would simply smile and say I understand you did it differently elsewhere. But here, in my house, I would feel more honored if you could abide by our customs. Make sure you say it lovingly and respectfully and it wouldn't hurt to add something about how grateful you are to welcome home to your home. I hope some of this is helpful. Please let us know how it goes.
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Justalittlebean
Member
08-15-2003
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 1:01 pm
They have known each other since 7th grade, when we moved here. They have dated since December. She said he was on medication but stopped taking it because when he took it, he wasn't hungry. Which means to me, that he's been to a doctor regarding his mental problems. I really think your right about her feeling obligation/guilt/responsibility because of his mental problems. Like I said, he's not a bad person. He is just seems like a sad person and is so down on everything. He's told her that he has trouble showing emotions. One day he called her and ask her to come to his house and have lunch with him and his sister. She was about to leave, he called and said, "sorry, we don't have enough pizza for you, so you can't come". She sometimes works nights, and he ask her to visit him after work and watch a movie. She goes to his house, he ask if she had dinner, she said, yes but are you going to offer me something to eat? He said, "no, we don't have anything". I felt like, then why ask. Just little stuff like that makes her cry and she feels so hurt. I just tell her, she should discuss that with him. He probably doesn't even realize that the things he sometimes says, or the way he says it can be hurtful. 
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Landi
Member
07-29-2002
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 2:58 pm
i was in a similar situation at the age of 24. the thing about the pizza really hit my nerve. i left the guy after 2 1/2 years. the world revolved around him. i didn't leave until he had hurt me so much, and i had found someone else. i didn't feel inside that i deserved to have someone love me as i loved them. i was pulling myself into depression. i felt like my life wasn't going anywhere. it took awhile for me to begin to put myself first. hope things go well for your daughter.
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Justalittlebean
Member
08-15-2003
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 5:56 pm
Thank you so much Landi. Everyone is so nice at TVCH.....
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Kaili
Member
08-31-2000
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 7:24 pm
By the way, Justalittlebean- you have the cutest picture in your profile! I was thinking about this at work and, being more the daughter perspective, I wanted to add something about where you said you never told her to break up with him. My mom has never told me to break up with anyone, but she let her opinion come across with verbalizing it. That bothered me just as much (if not more). It may have been worse because then when she would try to talk positively, I felt she was lying and that became a problem. It's hard to get anyone out of a bad relationship. I've had friends in abusive relationships (only one physical, mainly just psychologically abusive) and it seems they just have to figure it out because they'll push you away if you try to do what you feel is help. I don't pretent to know if your daughter's boyfriend is abusive per se- he may just be extremely inconsiderate or just clueless. The point is I don't know what to say except be careful to not drive her away in your efforts to help her. It sounds like you have a great relationship with her and I hope you can help her learn to take care of herself.
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Bearware
Member
07-12-2002
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 8:12 pm
I may be jumping at conclusions here, but it's worth at least thinking about. Your daughter sounds like the classic enabler, helping him at her own expense, blaming herself when he's unhappy, and worse, blaming herself when she's unhappy. Enablers can often see the problem, they just never actually accept THEY are part of the problem. I really think a good counsellor could help. Even Al-anon, or some other groups where people have to learn self esteem is not a bad thing. YOU on the other hand have the more difficult job! What a terrible thing to have to watch your daughter hurt! I sure wish I could help!
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Mamie316
Member
07-08-2003
| Friday, July 30, 2004 - 8:28 pm
Oh Just,I have been where you are. My daughter went out with a guy who just brought her down. I don't doubt that he cared for her but she would cry constantly. She couldn't talk to anyone without it being a big scene. He had family problems, he couldn't live without her, he would kill himself without her, etc. I could go on and on. I couldn't be comfortable around him because I knew he didn't belong with my daughter. She would be crying constanty but she was afraid to hurt him. It is finally over, thank God, and she has found another boyfriend who is wonderful, but I still worry about the other one. You can email me anytime and we can talk because I totally understand where you are coming from and what you feel.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Saturday, July 31, 2004 - 5:53 am
It's a fine line because you don't want to drive her away, but whenever she asks you, subtly point out that relationships are supposed to make you feel good about yourself, make you feel happy. I think lots of times people confuse angst with love.
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Citruscitygal
Member
08-07-2003
| Saturday, July 31, 2004 - 1:28 pm
"I really understand what your saying, but I don't want to see her have a mental breakdown and I'm afraid she's heading that way. She's on medication and it's killing me seeing her suffer." Could you enlist the help/advice of the practioner who prescribed the medication for your daughter? Is she in any kind of counseling program? This scenario really hits home for me. I would be the daughter in the story. It was many years into the relationship that I realized I needed the help, to find out why I was drawn to someone like that. A therapist (who really helped me) told me that self esteem seeks it's own level. In other words, I wasn't feeling so good about myself either. Being with someone who was in worse shape than I (emotionally) made me feel better about myself (sad but true) and truth be told, I didn't feel I deserved or could attract anyone better. At the time, being without a significant other would have seemed a tragedy. As a mother, I relate to your concerns for her. As a daughter, I wish I could have seen the signs that other saw and taken some of the advice that was offered to me. When we are young, we think we know it all and that adults (especially parents) "just don't understand". I thought I was in love. I wish the best for you and your family. One thing that is clear to me is that no matter what happens, you will be there for her. (((((Justalittlebean and dear daughter)))))
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Secretsmile
Member
08-19-2002
| Saturday, July 31, 2004 - 7:27 pm
Justalittlebean, my daughter also had a boyfriend that did nothing but make her cry. When she did try to break things off with him, he'd threaten suicide. They started out with crushes on each other in Middle School and dated through High School. I understand your heartbreak, when I read your post my thought was, "that's us!" I have to admit to being one of those interfering mothers. I actively made my daughter go do things with out him. I enlisted her girlfriends and we planned "girls only" activities, and "family activities" and "mother/daughter activities" with the main objective being to give her time away from his sadness. He did get upset with her for being away from him at those times so we made those times especially fun and cheerful. It was a calculated risk, because I knew she felt responsible for his mental health but when she'd question me about it I told her she needed many people in her life not just one. None of us talked bad about this boy to her at all, but we refused to let her get out of doing things with us. It took several months but she was able to see that she had fun with out him and was miserable when she was with him. She broke it off right before graduation. That summer he tried lots of ways of getting her back, and then getting even with her. She was able to stand strong I believe because it was her own choice not one we as her family or friends forced on her. My theory was, even if she never broke up with this guy at least I would give her brightness some of the time. It broke my heart to have my cheerful, fun loving girl sit on a couch hour after hour with sadness in her eyes. *Side note* Some of my sons' friends have tried to get away with hats at the table but I am just rude. I tell them "My table, my rules". One even told me I was old fashion but I just laughed and told him us old people get to be old fashion. Then he told me that he didn't wash his hair and it would look bad, I told him I didn't mind a bit.
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Justalittlebean
Member
08-15-2003
| Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 12:53 pm
I just want to thank everyone for their input and helpful advice regarding my daughter and her boyfriend. Tomorrow I'm calling for an appt at a mental health counseling center here. She really wants the help and hopefully she will realize that she doesn't need to please everyone and will build her self-esteem back up. Her boyfriend lives with his parents and they have a few outside cats. Last week one of the cats had kittens, and they said the mother cat didn't want anything to do with the kittens, so him and his dad killed the kittens. That really bothered my daughter because my daughter found our cat when he was only 4 weeks old and we nursed him and he is the joy of our family. This morning, my daughter told me that another cat had kittens Friday night and last night my daughter ask to see them and he said that they killed them yesterday, that they have to many cats. She was really upset about that. I ask her why don't they just take the female cats to a shelter if they don't want kittens or have the females spaded. Her father told her last week that we could have taken the kittens and nursed them until we could find homes for them had we known they would kill them. I know that it might sound silly, but anyone who would kill a innocent animal just because they have to many, doesn't have a heart. Just pray for us and my daughter that she will realize that this relationship is unhealthy for her. Thanks again. 
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Citruscitygal
Member
08-07-2003
| Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 1:52 pm
(((((Justalittlebean and dear daughter))))) My prayers will be with you and your family. Also praying for this young man and his family. From what I read about the kittens (my heart is breaking) they need help and don't even know it or have chosen to ignore advice they have been offered (he stopped taking his medication). So sad. I'm glad that DD is ready for help and that she has you to seek it out and support her through it. Please keep us updated - hoping for a happy ending for all.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Monday, August 02, 2004 - 4:27 pm
WARNING FLAG!!! First of all: Lay down some ground rules for this lad, afterall this is YOUR home. He will greet you and DH when he arrives, he will knock first, he will respect the time during which you are eating dinner, and he will not wear a ball cap in the house or at the dinner table. Second of all: Please don't ignore these huge warning signs. I dated a guy just in high school who started out acting just like this. His parents both worked, so he had minimal supervision the majority of his life and was never taught how to act and react in social situations. He had no ambition, he was a loner, he had no job, and mooched and mooched. He was always depressed, or so it seemed. He used that as a tool. His apparent low self esteem lowered my self esteem, and then he belittled, and abused, verbally, physically, and emotionally. He was rude to my family, had no respect or regard for anyone elses personal property. Bascally, what he wanted he got, or he made life miserable until you gave in. His mother and father saw no wrong doing in this matter. He would cut class, blame it on me because I was upsetting him. I wasn't cutting class. Then his mother would blame it one me. He cheated on me, he hit me, and his parents knew about it, but chose not to interfere in his business. He wasn't stupid, he just knew how to play mind games really really well. It is scary, it sounds like the same person. I myself am 23. Keep your daughter busy with activities that don't include him. Shopping, family game night, trips, etc. Set the ground rules, and stick to them, he won't want to be around. A leopard doesn't change it's spots
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Monday, August 02, 2004 - 4:29 pm
I blame the parents of these boys. It is the same scenario over and over. Don't ignore the signs. It wrenches my heart to think of other young girls going through what I went through.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Monday, August 02, 2004 - 4:35 pm
A person who starts killing animals is on a BAD path....
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Monday, August 02, 2004 - 4:45 pm
Signs of an abuser Was or is abused by a parent? Grew up in a home where an adult was abused by another adult? Gets very serious with significant others very quickly-saying "I love you" very early in the relationship, wanting to move in together or get engaged after only a short time period, or pressuring their partner for a serious commitment? Comes on very strongly, is extremely charming and an overly smooth talker? Is extremely jealous? Isolates partner from support systems-wants partner all to themselves and tries to keep partner from family, friends and outside activities? Attempts to control what partner wears, how they act or whom they are allowed to see? Is abusive toward other people? Blames others for their misbehavior and/or failures? Abuses drugs or alcohol? Has unrealistic expectations like expecting partner to meet all of one’s needs and be the perfect partner? Is over sensitive –acts hurt when not getting one’s way, takes offense when others disagree with an opinion, gets very upset at small inconveniences that are just a normal part of everyday life? Has ever been cruel to animals? Has ever abused children? Has ever hit a significant other in the past? Has ever threatened violence, even if it wasn’t a serious threat? Calls partner names, puts them down or curses at them? Is extremely moody, and switches from being very nice to exploding in anger? If male, believes that women are inferior to men and should obey them? Is intimidating, for example, uses threatening body language, punching walls or breaking objects? Holds partner against their will to keep them from walking away or leaving the room? This a wonderful site regarding domestic violence http://pages.ivillage.com/cl-rikimiki/id4.html
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Justalittlebean
Member
08-15-2003
| Monday, August 02, 2004 - 5:05 pm
I really don't know anything about his family. All I know is what my daughter tells me and what I see. I've met his younger sister, and she is just like him. Looks like she's mad at the world and will not talk. I do have good news. I found a wonderful therapist and my daughter has a 10am appt. Wednesday with her. I spoke to the therapist and explained about my daughters low self-esteem and about the relationship she is in. My daughter is excited the therapist. I feel like we are on the right track. Just keep us in your prayers. My daughter first thought we wanted her to get therapy so she would break up with her boyfriend. I told her that no, that she needs to learn to please herself and stand up for herself. I even told her that maybe her therapy will benefit her boyfriend in some way. She's told me that she thinks he needs mental help. There is no way I would tell her to break up with him because I know it would just push her away. Again, thanks everyone for all your well wishes and thoughts. I'll keep you informed. 
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Monday, August 02, 2004 - 7:54 pm
Your dd has a great mom!!!
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Justalittlebean
Member
08-15-2003
| Monday, August 02, 2004 - 8:29 pm
Thank you Julie, but I had a great teacher in my Mom. My Mom is one strong lady. 
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Monday, August 02, 2004 - 9:15 pm
That is a good start. You have got be on it too. Luckily for me, I got away from my ex before I ended up pregnant, with an std or worse, dead. He acted just like you described above. I recently heard that he abuses his now wife, gave her chlamydia, and they have a child. I pray for them often. Let your dd know that she needs to do what makes her happy, not him. No one can make her feel inferior without her consent. Remind her that she is a strong beautiful young woman with her whole life ahead of her and now should be a time to have fun pursue her goals, be with friends, etc, and not be tied down to someone who is not good for her and may possibly be holding her back. My mistake upon breaking up with my ex was telling him we could still be friends, he stalked me, watched my home, and made it a point to be everywhere I was. That is not friendship. He also threatened suicide. Thinking back, I wish I would have suggested he get some professional help, and then told someone else about it. I was so stupid to keep quiet about such things. Don't let her make my mistakes. If they do break up, she does NOT want to be friends. This only gives her a connection to him, and gives him a righ as a "friend" to contact her, be near her, and try to work his way back in her life. If he is so depressed, he can't function in social situations, he needs to seek help and stay away from your family. If he is this depressed, he could harm her as well. These people are selfish, and only care about getting what they want, they don't care who they hurt. They are overly dramatic and will go to great lengths to prove that they are damaged and depressed and victims, when all they are are abusive manipulators. I am so scared for your daughter right now, thinking she could be in the same situation as I was. As you can tell, I have a lot to vent on this situation. I am still healing from this terrible ordeal. It went on for three long years and took away a lot of my teenage and highschool memories. I am here for you. Let me know if I can help in anyway.
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Reality_junkie
Member
02-17-2004
| Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 2:49 pm
Justalittlebean, speaking from experience as a classic enabler starting in my teen years, your daughter needs to get off that road now. It comes from insecurity and low self-esteem. The better a guy treated me, the faster I pushed him away. It was not until I was 34 yrs old, been married twice, suffered physical and emotional (which is often worse than physical) abuse (which taught me not to talk back and to keep my mouth shut) and separated from my alcoholic-now-ex-husband and attending Al-Anon that I realized this. And the worst part was facing that I had let these men abuse me in one form or another because I did not think I deserved any better than them. I am still not cured. I have remarried and my husband is very insecure and has almost no self-esteem, in large part due to the neglect he suffered as a child and his cheating ex-wife. Also, his daughter and our son were both diagnosed with bi-polar disorder last year and, learning that it is genetic, I think he suffers from it also as well as his dad. He does not abuse me physically, but he can say some pretty hurtful things. That is they would be hurtful if I allowed them to be. I feel better about myself now and am not afraid to speak up. And, I guess, sensing that it doesn't hurt me has calmed him down considerably. And PLEASE do not blame yourself. I was raised by very loving parents who always told me I could do anything I wanted.
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Reality_junkie
Member
02-17-2004
| Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 2:56 pm
Justalittlebean, speaking from experience as a classic enabler starting in my teen years, your daughter needs to get off that road now. It comes from insecurity and low self-esteem. The better a guy treated me, the faster I pushed him away. It was not until I was 34 yrs old, been married twice, suffered physical and emotional (which is often worse than physical) abuse (which taught me not to talk back and to keep my mouth shut) and separated from my alcoholic-now-ex-husband and attending Al-Anon that I realized this. And the worst part was facing that I had let these men abuse me in one form or another because I did not think I deserved any better than them. I am still not cured. I have remarried and my husband is very insecure and has almost no self-esteem, in large part due to the neglect he suffered as a child and his cheating ex-wife. Also, his daughter and our son were both diagnosed with bi-polar disorder last year and, learning that it is genetic, I think he suffers from it also as well as his dad. He does not abuse me physically, but he can say some pretty hurtful things. That is they would be hurtful if I allowed them to be. I feel better about myself now and am not afraid to speak up. And, I guess, sensing that it doesn't hurt me has calmed him down considerably. And PLEASE do not blame yourself. I was raised by very loving parents who always told me I could do anything I wanted.
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Justalittlebean
Member
08-15-2003
| Friday, August 06, 2004 - 8:23 pm
Just want my friends to know that my daughter went to the therapist Wednesday and she really liked the lady. Her next appt. is Monday afternoon. I really hope and pray this will help her realize what a wonderful person she is and that she has to make herself happy first. Thanks again for your advice and prayers. I'll keep you informed. 
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Bearware
Member
07-12-2002
| Friday, August 06, 2004 - 8:52 pm
Wonderful! Will keep you all in my prayers!
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Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Tuesday, October 19, 2004 - 4:39 am
Is there a follow-up yet? I hope this young lady is doing well!
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