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Archive through November 24, 2004

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2004 Nov. - 2005 Jan.: Parenting Place {ARCHIVES}: What's Your Opinion????: Archive through November 24, 2004 users admin

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Graceunderfyre
Member

01-21-2004

Sunday, November 21, 2004 - 2:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
OK, so I'm just wondering what y'all think of this situation. There is this divorced mom that has 3 children living with her (21 yr girl,18 yr boy & 16 yr girl). The 2 older ones do not really talk to their dad since he cheated on their mom and then left her to get married to the gf a few years ago. Mom is dating a guy who lives far away and none of the kids have ever met. A few months ago she decided to invite him to stay the weekend at the house. All 3 children got upset and told her no way because they had never met the guy. In the end, mom stopped talking to the kids for 2 weeks and got a hotel room for the weekend and the kids never met the bf. This weekend, she decided to invite him again, this time the kids agree she's been dating the guy for a longer amount of time so it's fine to have him come stay. The 16yr old requests that they sleep in separate rooms to which mom says fine. Then she comes back to the 16yr old the next day and says not to be surprised if they end up in the same room. The 16yr old is mad because she thinks it's "icky" that her mom might be having sex with some guy she doesn't know AND that they'd do it while she's around. The 21yr old is going away this weekend and says that the 16yr old is being selfish. The boy says he doesn't want to take part and has gone off to his gf's house for the weekend. Mom has said, it's not fair everyone else is having sex except for her, so it should be ok for her too. 16yr old says she is not with anyone and she's not having sex and she thinks mom should at least let her get to know the bf before making her endure a weekend of them iin the same bed together. Mom's reply is go to your dad's for the weekend. What do you think?

Danas15146
Member

03-31-2004

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 6:33 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I think that these kids are getting too much power over mom's decision!

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 7:02 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I am appalled that the mom thinks it's okay for all her kids to have sex.

I am just at a loss. I think if the kid is having sex, then the kid should be out on his/her own anyways....

Bottom line--I think the mom should be setting a better example.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 7:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
One thing I might add, if the mom's b/f lived near and got close to all the kids as well as the mom, well then my opinion might lighten up somewhat. But in that case, any sleeping over should be done at the b/f's house--not right where the kids can see/hear/know what is going on at the time...

Vee
Member

02-23-2004

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 7:19 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Whatever happened to discretion? It is not unusual for a sixteen-year-old to feel awkward about this kind of a situation. It would be better to protect her feelings at this time, I would think.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 7:33 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I think the mother is showing horrible judgement. These children don't know this man. The mother seems to have no problem with condoning her children having sex. And to pout that she if the only one not having sex, it just ridiculous! How old is this woman???

Skootz
Member

07-23-2003

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 7:41 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I look at this situation and think..who is the adult here the mother with poor judgment or the 16 year old who asked the mother to keep separate sleeping quarters.

Children don't need to know that their parent is having "sex" I certainly wouldn't want to be there if they are in the same room sleeping together. I would be very uncomfortable if I was the 16 year old. Expecially since she has voice her opinion on this already. The mother should consider the feelings of the children.

Danas15146
Member

03-31-2004

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 7:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Why is mom discussing her sex life with her kids -- that is not something that I would want to hear from my mom --especially at 16!!

Serate
Member

08-21-2001

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 10:34 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
The 16yr old requests that they sleep in separate rooms to which mom says fine. Then she comes back to the 16yr old the next day and says not to be surprised if they end up in the same room.

Whether the mom has sex or not in the house isn't what bothers me the most in this story. What bothers me the most is that the mom agreed to separate rooms, then says that oh by the way we'll have separate rooms but doesn't mean we'll stay in them. If she wasn't planning on going through with what she said, why say she'd do it in the first place? This mother has no respect for her kids. She was open and upfront with the sex, the 16 year old was open and upfront with her mom. Mom says what the girl wants to hear, then decides her horniness is more important than her daughter's respect. I like how the 21 year old is saying the 16 year old is selfish - if the situation is so good and we should let mom have sex why doesn't the 21 year old stay and support mom's relationship, and be such a good example to the 16 year old as to what an unselfish child will put up with even if they think it's icky?

Mom better watch out. If she continues to treat her children like this, when the time comes that she's old and ill she might just find herself in a nursing home with nobody visiting her! Because children learn by example, and if mom thinks too much of herself and what she wants now, that's how they will start thinking, me first, who cares about family, and she could find herself dying alone with strangers.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 10:41 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Imo the mom needs to show some respect for herself as well as her kids who are living in her house. If it was me I would never bring a man into my home to stay over with my kids there whom they've never met. And I wouldn't have discussed this with my kids either. I would make arrangements for them to be somewhere else for the weekend and then invite the gentleman over or ask if a relative or other adult could stay with them for the weekend and I would go to a hotel. But as a mom your first priority is to your children, everything else is secondary. The mom stopped talking to the kids for 2 weeks? Wth? I'm sorry but that is immature and stupid. How long as she known this man? And she wants to bring him around her teenage daughter overnight? No, this wouldn't even be an issue in my house.

Ladytex
Member

09-27-2001

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 12:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
oh my ... this mother has issues. First of all, I would never bring another man into my house with my kids. He can find a nearby hotel, I'm thinking. Second of all, to stop speaking to her children for two weeks because she wants to have sex with this man in their house? She needs to go to counseling or parenting classes or something. This mom is immature and selfish, IMO.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 2:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Very well said, LadyT!!!!!

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 2:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I have two points to make here:

The mother: No wonder her kids are having pre-marital sex I agree with Julieboo, she should be setting a better example. I also agree with Ladytex, sounds to me like her parenting skills need a little polishing. She is being immature and slutty. I would not feel comfortable with a strange man in my house, sleeping with my mom. Just because she thinks she knows him doesn't mean he isn't some kind of pedophile. She should want to protect her children, physcally, emotionally, and morally. She is going to lose all of her children's respect if she hasn't already. If I was the 16 year old, I would tattle my ass off to the dad.

The children: Now, at 18 and 21, your mother can flat out tell you to leave. And, maybe they should. But the 16 year old doesn't have a choice in the matter, and therefor, should have a say. The kid is obviously old enough to know right and wrong, and the mother should respect the feelings of the child. She should also have some self respect.

The boyfriend: Take the family out to dinner, get to know the kids, make an effort without thinking with mister winky.

The whole situation: Grosses me out. The mother seems like a horny woman, the older kids can opt to leave, but the real tragedy is that there is an impressionable teenager in the house, whom I expect is a girl. Ladies, do you remember when you were sixteen, in high school. Remember the incredible pressure to have sex? I imagine it is harder to say you want to wait when you have a mother givin' up to a stranger in the next room. I can just read this girls mind "Hey, mom's doin it, maybe I should too. She thinks it's alright, and doesn't care if I do it. My older siblings are doing it, maybe I should too."

Pray for this family, the girl's morality, and pray she doesn't become a 17 year old mother.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 3:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Ok I have to admit I fell out laughing at the mister winky comment. But it sounds like the 16yr old has a good head on her shoulders.

Abby7
Member

07-17-2002

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 3:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
If my behavior makes my children feel awkward in any way, I would question my behavior. I would respect their feelings.

Hippyt
Member

06-15-2001

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 3:30 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I think you guys have covered it. Mom needs a grip.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 3:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Let's hope he "covers it" too!!!

Max
Member

08-12-2000

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 4:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
The crux of it for me is this statement -- "Mom has said, it's not fair everyone else is having sex except for her, so it should be ok for her too."

The mom is SUPPOSED to be the grown-up here, but this statement is clearly that of a petulant teenager instead of a grown-up.

I mean really! If a child said something like that to you, you'd be likely to respond with something along the lines of, "Well, if everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you jump, too?"

This mom needs to get a serious grip and realize that the example she's setting for her children is no better than the one her ex-husband set by having an affair and leaving his family to marry the girlfriend.

I feel bad for this family. It truly sounds like the only one with a level head on her shoulders is the 16-year-old.

Graceunderfyre
Member

01-21-2004

Monday, November 22, 2004 - 8:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I'm glad to see y'all have said things that were about the same as what I said to the 16 year old. I was feeling old and prudish because she came to me crying about it and I wasn't exactly sure how to approach it. Our morals are def. not the same and I felt weird counseling her using my morals knowing that she doesn't feel the same way I do about sex outside of marriage.

In the end, she went to her dad's. I only saw her for a few minutes today at the Y and she said that she still didn't meet the bf.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Tuesday, November 23, 2004 - 6:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Hey Grace, maybe print this out and let the 16 yr old read it. maybe it will make her feel better???

Mak1
Member

08-12-2002

Tuesday, November 23, 2004 - 6:12 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Grace, she is so fortunate to have you in her life. Even though the morals may be different, respect (for oneself and for others) is never prudish or out of date. I'm sure she appreciated your honesty and caring and that it made a lasting difference in her life.

Llkoolaid
Member

08-01-2001

Tuesday, November 23, 2004 - 8:00 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Ok since the issues with the Mom have been covered so well from everyone else I want to know, What is up with this man (ok we know what's up) but really he should also have some respect for the children of this woman he is supposedly in love with. Why would he even think of staying overnight when he hasn't even met her children. Geez doesn't sound like a winner to me.

Ophiliasgrandma
Member

09-04-2001

Tuesday, November 23, 2004 - 11:41 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I see heartbreak, lots and lots of heartbreak!

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Wednesday, November 24, 2004 - 1:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I wonder what dear old dad has to say about all of this. Oh, to be a fly on the wall.

I grew up in a house like that. I know exactly how she feels.

Graceunderfyre
Member

01-21-2004

Wednesday, November 24, 2004 - 11:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I spoke to her a little more about it today when we lost power at the Y and found out she actually did stay one night but discovered them together in the morning. She threw up and left the house. She confronted mom about it first and mom claimed she fell asleep watching the tv. So the 16 yr old is upset that her mom lied to her and has decided to go spend the rest of this week at her dads house (she had school these past few days). Her older sister came back from her trip and apologized saying she was not calling to yell at her, just trying to make her feel better about the situation and she felt horrible about making the situation worse. She too is going elsewhere for the rest of the week to help her protest.