Author |
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Monday, July 05, 2004 - 12:23 pm
Here's a dilemma-not a biggie though... We just moved. Dani (8 year old girl who lives next door) is here all the time. It is fine cuz she is nice and tolerates Ryan (5 yrs.) and is patient w/him. He is also good with her and follows her lead and directions. (Which is good). The dilemma is she never has Ryan at her house. It is bugging me a bit. BUT there is a good reason-cuz her mom does daycare at her house (usually 6am til about 6pm) M-F. Dani eats here a lot-lunch and dinner sometimes. I guess there really isn't a dilemma. Either have D here or don't and she is usually easy to have here and keeps R occupied and they don't even make much of a mess. She is old enough that she usually makes sure they clean up. Then there is Andrew who is here a fair amount of time (not as much as D.) He just turned 5 like Ryan. His mom works from home (M-F) and she hires teenaged babysitters for the summer (they have three kids, 7,5 and 2). So I guess because of the babysitter situation, that is why they don;'t have Ryan over. What do you think? It is not that big a deal, at least not yet. Ryan is happy with his friends, I just think it would be nice if he could be at their houses some times so I could really get some cleaning done around here... (and I am tired of feeding everyone and watching everyone else's kids.)
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Monday, July 05, 2004 - 12:39 pm
My dd tends to be the one to invite people over rather than go to someone's house, and my son is the one who lives at the neighbhor's! I have joked with them that I will be sending the child support check to them soon. I think it would be perfectly fine to shoo them home at meal time with a friendly, "sweetie, we are going to eat lunch and then have quiet time for a while, if you would like to come back at 4 that would be fine" or something like that. You could also call up the moms and say something like "we love having so and so over, he is such a dear, but I am finding that I am enjoying his/her company so much, I am not getting my work around the house done. Perhaps we could take turns and Ryan could come and play over at your house."
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Lumbele
Member
07-12-2002
| Monday, July 05, 2004 - 12:51 pm
What Annie said. Our house was usually the meeting place, too. (Still is, come to think of it.LOL) When I would call on DS to "set the table" that was the signal to say goodbye, at least if they were not specifically invited.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Monday, July 05, 2004 - 1:06 pm
Just want to add, I know it's not fun now, but believe me, when they are older you WANT to have the house where everyone hangs out.
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Teachmichigan
Member
07-22-2001
| Monday, July 05, 2004 - 2:08 pm
Ditto what Tex said. My DS is 9 and tends to be a "homebody" but loves having kids over. Since we live in the boonies, we have to plan things(no neighbors), but if he'd rather have friends here than go there, I say OK! I like the advice of just sending them home during meals and "quiet time" -- seems reasonable and not at all harsh. Good luck!
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Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Monday, July 05, 2004 - 2:23 pm
There is no way I would let my child at age five go to someone's house in a neighborhood that I just moved into! Unless I was with her of course. I would rather have a dirty house forever. Babysitters usually do not pay attention to any kid that they are not getting paid to watch. Being the popular house on the block is not the worst thing!
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Carrie92
Member
09-15-2003
| Monday, July 05, 2004 - 10:51 pm
There are kids in our neighborhood who I don't like coming over and kids that I love having over. Scotty spends a lot of time at one of our neighbors who has 4 girls. But there is a lot of back and forth between our houses, and the girls are very well behaved. But we and their parents check with each other a lot just to make sure our kids aren't imposing. And if Scotty goes to any other kids houses he has to wear his watch and check in a lot, and if he doesn't check in I go get him and bring him home and he's grounded for the rest of the day or the next day. All in all, I agree with everyone. You don't have to have kids over for dinner if you don't want, especially since it kind of sounds like the other mom is getting used to having her daughter out of her hair. But, the best advice is to really keep a communication going with other parents that your kids are playing with, know each other's phone numbers, etc. Maybe try gently suggesting to Dani that you've got some housework to get done, so you can't keep an eye on other kids today, but maybe someday Ryan can go play at her house.
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Danas15146
Member
03-31-2004
| Tuesday, July 06, 2004 - 7:39 am
I also actually prefer that the kids come to my house. My kids are having fun and I know where they are and what they are doing. But their friends do also invite them over (not as often). As far as feeding them - I agree with saying that at mealtimes it is time to go. With my kids - the friends need a ride to and from. We usually have their parents drop them off and we take them home so we can chose the end of the playdate. One of my son's friends actually sent me a thank you card for letting him stay for dinner.
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Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Wednesday, July 07, 2004 - 2:22 pm
Danas, sounds like your child has great friends! 
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Danas15146
Member
03-31-2004
| Wednesday, July 07, 2004 - 4:11 pm
Deesandy -- great friends with great parents!
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Mamie316
Member
07-08-2003
| Wednesday, July 07, 2004 - 7:42 pm
I do daycare and I have always been the house that all the neighborhood kids hang out at. I have always felt very proud of that even when I was losing my mind! Julie, you must have a welcoming home with much love. What a wonderful mother you must be!
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 2:46 pm
NEW QUESTION One of Ryan's friends comes over about once or twice a week (Andrew age 5-same as Ryan.) They play together fairly well-with a certain amount of my supervision. Usually after an hour, maybe a bit longer, Andrew tells us he wants to leave-to go play at Bobby's house. This upsets Ryan. Mostly that fact that he wants to go play with another kid and not Ryan. SO what would you do? Also-Bobby is an older kid, Andrew's older brother's friend. So I don't really want to go to Bobby's mom or house and see if Ryan can play too-cuz really Bobby is too old... (Andrew can get away w/it cuz he is the brother.) Possible options: Just distract Ryan. Talk to Andrew's mom. (and say what?) Not let Andrew come over. fill in your own solution.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 2:59 pm
PS Thank you for your input to my first WWYD. Since I posted that, Dani's mom stopped her daycare, so Dani isn't even around during weekdays. Kids are over a lot (including 3-year old twins that just moved in), but it doesn't bother me at all. I think it was a matter of me getting used to it. We moved from a street with no kids, no neighborhood, so I guess it was a little bit of culture shock.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 2:59 pm
Set a finite time to play with Andrew. If he says during that finite time that he wants to leave, say something like "well, sweetie right now you are over here till x time, what you do when you leave will be up to you and your mom...want a cookie?" Try to see if there is a pattern to this..been there too long, ticked off at your son and using this to manipulate him to get his way, just a little snot......
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 3:04 pm
Annie, that is BRILLIANT!! Then Ryan won't be upset when he leaves-no matter the reason, cuz he'll understand that A was supposed to leave at "X" o'clock!!!!! THANKS! So simple, yet so terrific.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 3:05 pm
Great..now come whip my kids into shape! LOL actually, the teenager complied. The 10 year old is in her room! LOL but I did learn something. I gave them a finite time myself and they did it. So maybe "clean your room" IS too vague! LOL
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 3:19 pm
Julie, it could also be that the other boy has no attention span. Dakota will be 6 next month, but it's something I've seen with her and her friends. They play together just fine but then you see one of them get up and leave, there's no fight, they're not really bored, just ready for something different. After spending the year in her class, and her friends around home, I think it's fairly common that kids in that age group are more inclined to wander off sometimes. I do think its great though to set a time limit. Your son won't get upset when his friend leaves, plus later on it may be the only way to get the kid to go home, lol. There's a couple kids here who would be here from the time they got up til bedtime if I let them. I honestly don't mind being the neighborhood play house, but having kids here all day and into the night is not the best way for me to get my stuff done! Being able to tell them its time for them to go home and they can come back tomorrow afternoon works great for all of us.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Thursday, August 12, 2004 - 1:38 pm
Question 1: growing up, our house was the popular house. My mom would get stressed at times, but was happy she knew where we were and what we were doing (there are 4 of us, and each of us would have over a friend or so) Later in life, as we grew, our house continued to be the popular house, and we would hang out, play video games, watch movies, pig out, etc. My mom felt our safety was worth the stress and expense. Remember this: Kool aid is cheaper than soda, and air pop popcorn is cheaper than doritos. Getting your house to be the popular house early on is great. It will continue that way. It will be a welcome and inviting place for all friends, and you will be more up to date on what is happening in your kids' lives as they become teenagers, etc. You will know what friends are acceptable, and what ones aren't. when we were younger, we were not allowed to go into anyone elses homes without parental consent and without my mom knowing the family/parents. You know what goes on in your house, you don't always know what happens in other homes. Question 2: time limits are perfect. Friends have to go home at x time. Keep this rule for years to come. It will give your kids a chance to wind down as well as yourself. To can extend it like you would a curfew, as they get older. Then it won't be like you are kicking friends out. Good luck.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Thursday, August 12, 2004 - 2:27 pm
Thanks Escapee & Wargod! I think I am getting used to (and actually liking) all the kids here. Thank goodness for the basement! I am getting used to different parents and different kids behaviors, etc... So there are some ups & downs. Some kids I like a lot better than others (and the same goes for the parents!)
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Thursday, August 12, 2004 - 3:00 pm
That 70's show comes to mind.......
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 8:05 am
NEW QUESTION Would you let your 5-year old walk around the block by him/herself? I saw a list of possible chores for a 5 year old and I don't think I am even close to letting my 5 yr. old walk the dog alone. What do you guys think? Here's the list I saw: 1). Picking up after playing with their toys or coloring. This should be done before dinner, going outside to play or even before bed. 2). If you have pets let them fill their food and water. 3). After taking off their clothes for bedtime, have them put their clothes in the hamper. 4). They should be taught to make their bed in the morning. 5). Empty all waste baskets in the house. 6). Sweep the floor with a hand held vacuum. 7). Wash and Dry all the plastic dishes. 8). Sort and fold laundry and put them away. 9). Help put away groceries. 10). Clear and wipe down the table after meals. 11). If you have a dog have your child take the dog for a walk around the block. 12). Dusting around the living room would be a nice easy chore for someone at the age of five. 13). Take their own shower (Parents must check the water temp). 14). Feed and clean your goldfish. 15). Brushing their teeth three times a day would count as a chore along with good grooming habits. Whatever way you choose to help your child earn their own money, always praise your child with a job well done even if it is not perfect. Also, remember for a child of five years old you do not want to overwhelm them with orders and rules, you might want to start out with just 1 or 2 simple job’s then work your way up on a home made chart that can be placed on your refrigerator so that your child can see his or her progress.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 8:09 am
ALSO, an update on the first WWYD in this thread. I LOVE having Dani over. In fact she is here right now and slept over last night. She and Ryan play nicely (for the most part) and she teaches him a lot. He totally adores her. We bring her with us to many places, from Walmart to camping. Since it really looks like Ryan will be an only child (um, we have tried EVERYTHING), she really helps fill a void for him...
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Vee
Member
02-23-2004
| Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 8:31 am
Sounds as if you have found a great kid! I wondered when reading the first post if Dani was trying to escape chaos and confusion at her own home since her mom is busy with a daycare. So glad that your Ryan has such a devoted friend.
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Mamie316
Member
07-08-2003
| Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 9:36 am
Julie, I would NEVER let my 5 year old walk around the block by themselves!
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 9:37 am
Hell, my kids don't even do those chorse! Our neighborhood is very kid friendly so i know my kids were roaming unsupervised probably earlier than most people would let them. Maybe walk the dog up and down your street with you on the front porch?
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