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Archive through May 06, 2004

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2004 Nov. - 2005 Jan.: Parenting Place {ARCHIVES}: Struggling with Parenting, WWYD?: Archive through May 06, 2004 users admin

Author Message
Ddr
Member

08-19-2001

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 3:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
LOL, thanks for the memories....ya'll just reminded me of my son's first words. No, Don't & Mine.

Nightowl
Member

08-16-2000

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 11:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Karuuna - thanks for the guidelines. He seems to be "normal" in all the other aspects...he has slept through the night since he was 2 months old (WOW I realize I am extremely lucky, and NO I do not expect the next child to be the same). The only thing I can think of is that he has always been a rocker. He rocks back and forth in his bed for at least 15 minutes before falling asleep, he rocks on the couch while watching Sesame Street, even as soon as he could sit up he was rocking back and forth. I figure the rocking is just some sort of self comfort or maybe stems from boredom.

We do take the vacuum away from him as a punishment but only when the crime is vacuum related...he gets mad because the vacuum won't stand up because it is on an uneven surface and he may slam the vacuum on the floor. I am not so concerned about the toy vacuum as I am with his fascination with other people's vacuums. If we go to any relative's house, he knows where they keep their vacuum.

LOL...this has got to be the strangest post I've ever read/written.

Thanks everyone for the input!!!

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Thursday, April 29, 2004 - 9:08 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Nightowl, then I wouldn't worry. Just keep watching the developmental milestones, as he grows.

You should also mention this behavior to your pediatrician on his next checkup,so that s/he can be aware and help you monitor for any thing else that might indicate a more serious problem.



Kady
Member

07-30-2000

Thursday, April 29, 2004 - 9:35 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I love your story Nightowl. When my son was little, he was obsessed with lightpoles. He would point to them going down the road. He would count them from point A to point B. He would get us to take pictures of different lightpoles when we went on vacation. We came home one day and the cops had the highway blocked. Lightening had struck the light pole by our house and knocked it down. I thought the poor boy was gonna have a heart attack because the light pole broke. For months, everyday when we came home he would point at the new light pole and say "New light pole...old light pole broke." He outgrew the obession after a year or so.

He is now a well rounded, well adjusted, smart and totally wonderful child. He is now obsessed with Anime. :-)

Reader234
Member

08-13-2000

Saturday, May 01, 2004 - 6:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Help me again... DD (age 7 btw) exploded... I've gotten very good at removing myself from the equation. Last night I took the tv away from her, for inappropriate behavior, she started throwing things, so she went to her room. I set the timer, telling her she could come out of her room when the timer went off at 3 minutes unless she threw something. She continued screaming (which was fine) and stomping her one foot, but ceased throwing things. When the time was off she turned off my tv and told me it was "my choice" because I was so mean... but I felt that she needed to scream/vent etc, but I refused to listen to her... I just told her she was angry, she says" How would you feel if you missed your TV show and tomorrow everyone would be talking about it - I'm never going to see the end of George of the jungle 2 and its all YOUR fault" Her I must interject I wanted to tell her I'd just go on the internet and someone at TV clubhouse would tell me what I missed... back to the fight... I ignored her... then I went downstairs and told her she could watch 15 min of TV then bed... I set the timer. She continued her tirade... I held her... she wiggled out but got her body stuck in the chair, she started lol... again I remained calm throughout the tirade, just either sang to keep me calm, or told her I loved her, quietly. We rocked a bit, then it was time to go to bed (9:30) I set the timer, she was screaming again. I asked her brother how long it takes to get to bed 3 minutes, i gave her 10 minutes, she's screaming about 10 seconds no one can get ready in 10 minutes I hate you etc I do not respond... I count to 10 ooops 10 seconds are gone, no timer buzz... she ignores this so I stop interacting with her.. she climbs in my bed, grabs the phone. Dad is camping, she calls him, he responded "not now" and hung up, she cries and cries... dad returns call in 5 min she's locked herself in bathroom crying... apparently one of the scouts was in a precarious situation, he rescued said scout and called back, dd comes out of bathroom to talk to dad... then dad's battery starts to die out... so they hung up... dd gets tucked in with daddy's pillow, prayers are said... all is well... HAH so I thought as I go off to dreamland...

11:30 pm I am awakened by a screaming dd "I HATE YOU you are so mean, I really mean it this time, I'm keeping your mother's day present, you dont deserve ANY presents" is this a nightmare, I was so confused... I really thought I was dreaming and tried to ignore it, so I probably kept falling back to sleep... I'm not sure, finally I look at the clock, look at the hall (its dark, ds was asleep) and asked if DD had to go potty, she does, I get her back to her room, tuck her in, and go back to my warm cozy bed...

1:30AM it happened again, same scenario... it wasnt a nightmare... it was real...(she's 7)

How am I going to survive this? How do I handle the follow up? This is so bizarre to me...

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Saturday, May 01, 2004 - 8:23 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
First off LOL about finding out the ending here! How is she this am? When she goes off like that can you leave the room and try to ignore her? My son has a high sense of righteous indignation and if he feels I am doing something "illogical" he gets upset. He went through a period where he would really kind of lose it too (he was older). I wish I could say I did something that stopped it, but I just think he outgrew it.

Mak1
Member

08-12-2002

Saturday, May 01, 2004 - 9:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Reader, it sounds like you did everything right. You have to wonder what is upsetting her so much that it's waking her up in the night. You know what I mean? It has to be deeper than just being disciplined and having to miss the end of her show. I know children her age do have a very strong feeling of things being fair...especially in regards to being fair to them personally.

If it makes you feel any better, I didn't know if I could survive raising our youngest daughter. I won't even tell the horror stories about her. (don't want to scare you, lol) She has struggled with depression for years. I will say that as soon as she went away to college, she became very very appreciative of us and finds opportunities to speak apologetically of her past behavior.

You will survive this. I really wish I knew how to help, but all I can offer is support and affirmation that I know what a good mother you are.:-)

Reader234
Member

08-13-2000

Saturday, May 01, 2004 - 11:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
o.. thanks Mak... I agree with you!! I know it could be worse! I know I'm lucky to have her, and I do believe she has a purpose... but I just want to make sure I dont "screw it up"!! I told dh that we have to sit down with her and focus on shoring up her 'privleges', making a chart, making her earn her spot - in her heart. I think she is just getting selfish... I know she needs love, and thanks to everyone here, its been easier giving it to her!!

I have heard lots of stories of 'it getting better' and that truly gives me a smile!!

I so agree that something in her is making her feel deeply, and I think she is using me as a "safe" target... I plan on going back to the hearing impaired school's social worker and asking for her advice, and maybe a list of good child psychs... I know the one in our school cant help her, funny but if you mention finding someone to talk to she explodes "NO" "I said 'NO' and I mean it, I wont talk to ANYONE" eeesh!! (and it was in a time when she had settled, and was talkative... like, I know you were angry last night, I dont think you know why you were angry, I'm thinking we need to find someone for you to talk with to help you find appropriate ways to be angry" she yelled "NO" etc... I'm going to also bring it up with our church pastor, he has an adult (in her 20's maybe?) child that has had some problems and worked with a psych....

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Saturday, May 01, 2004 - 12:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
For her to be having such a severe reaction to talking to someone, it's really making me concerned that there is more to all this. I think you are wise to seek help.

Mak1
Member

08-12-2002

Saturday, May 01, 2004 - 3:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
ITA, you are her "safe target". Trying to look at it from a child's point of view (which is pretty hard at my age, lol), when you said "to help you find appropriate ways to be angry", it may have put her on the defensive, since she's so sure you were in the wrong, and this might be just another adult to tell her she was wrong, someone on "your side". Then again, I could be way off base. It's just a thought I had. I'm sure when you find the right person, she'll do fine. You're doing a good job!

Reader234
Member

08-13-2000

Saturday, May 01, 2004 - 6:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Call me crazy, it wouldnt be the first time, but today I was talking to my mom and mentioned the school was being torn down, and that fly up day is May 28, and their is speculation on which class who will be with whom... there are only 48 kids, not like the boys, in thier school there were 350 first graders... dd says "mom 47 Zak died"

I acknowledged this with her, and I was reading a book on the gifted, reccommended reading from a teacher, it talks about how many of these kids feel deeply, and helpless on big things, like the environment...

Mak1
Member

08-12-2002

Sunday, May 02, 2004 - 4:47 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Read fast, Reader! Get to the part that tells you how to help the gifted handle these deep emotions.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Sunday, May 02, 2004 - 5:26 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
That makes sense, my son is GT also. Hurry up and find the answers, Reader!

Mamie316
Member

07-08-2003

Sunday, May 02, 2004 - 8:43 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
She obviously feels very deeply about a lot of things. Who else can she let it out to except the one person she knows will always be there? She knows you will not go away if she vents out to you. She does sound like she a has a lot going on within herself and it sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can. Never doubt yourself. Believe it or not, you both will make it through this (I know it's hard WHILE it's actually happening) but you will both make it out together. She's lucky to have a mom that cares so much.

Wargod
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, May 05, 2004 - 12:16 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Kids and stress. Or kids with stress.

Tomorrow Caleb (almost 8 years old) starts the state tests at school. They have three days of it. I'm already not happy about the tests. Last week they had a discussion in class about the things they could do to be more successful on the tests, and when he came home he talked and worried about it all day. Last thing he said when I was tucking him into bed that night was that he didn't know how to spell California. He was panicked about it. (He did know how to spell it, just worried about it.)

Then the phone call yesterday to the school just ticked me off. So today, Caleb's feeling well enough to go to school, but needed cold medicine. I sent a note to school letting his teacher know since he had it at 7:30, he'd probably be a bit off during the morning. They took a practice test. He did poorly. No big deal, teacher sent the practice test home with a note saying she knew he wasn't at his best and was hoping he'd feel better tomorrow.

My problem now is Caleb is very upset about the practice test. They went over it in class and he realizes he didn't do as well as he could have. We had a little talk with him and explained that when you're not feeling that great and you've taken cold medicine you won't be at your best and since he was feeling better this afternoon, he'd probably be in good shape tomorrow and ready to do his best on his tests. He spent tonight at the baseball game reminding us he needed to be home tonight by 8 so he could get a good nights sleep.

I have never seen him stress this bad. He breezes through tests, doesn't worry when he doesn't do as well as normal, never lets anything really bother him. I'm at a loss as to what to do to help him through the next three days. Is it possible to keep him from stressing? Or can we refocus his attention and just try to get him as calm as can be and how do we do that? Darren and I have been consistent in regards to the tests...they're no big deal, they won't effect his grades, and it's all stuff he knows. Then he goes to school and they remind him how important the tests are. I really am not liking these tests! 7 year olds should not be stressing out about school like this! Any ideas from parents more experienced with these types of tests and the stress they can cause?

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Wednesday, May 05, 2004 - 6:03 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Tell Bush that this whole No Child Left Behind crap is just wrong!

The stress from these tests is ridiculous. Teachers and students alike stress out about it. They say it should be renamed No Teacher Left Standing. If you think the kids are stressed about it, the teachers are even more stressed, as their jobs could be at risk. And included in the test scores are score from EVERY child. Does not matter if they have Downs, a low IQ or are mentally challenged.

My mom is a teacher and she has a kid who is "slow." They do allow those kids to have extra time as well as an aide read the kid the questions. Well this poor student was so flustered. He kept saying I don't understand this. I can't do this. His face got really red and he was clearly freaking out. Luckily the aide was very supportive and somehow did eventually get the kid thru the test. The school psychologist was standing nearby and had to counsel the kid afterwards as it did that much damage to the kid's self esteem.

Is this the good that is supposed to come of this?

Kids and teachers totally stressed out?

A parent asked why certain functions were no longer happening (skits that kids would write and then act out--dealing with what they were studying) and the teacher had to tell the parent that they had to spend all their time getting the kids ready for the tests.

So now teachers will have to teach the kids how to take a test instead of the stuff they normally teach.

How sad.

Herckleperckle
Member

11-20-2003

Wednesday, May 05, 2004 - 8:06 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Julieboo, hurrah! (I used to be a teacher, and though the results can be helpful in finding out where a kid excels/has deficiencies, you're right, the test results in setting up one school district against another, and each teacher against the other.)

War, sounds like his reaction has the marks of test phobia. My very smart daughter had test phobia--that didn't rear up til high school. We finally got her extra help (learning how to take tests) and her scores improved dramatically from the confidence she gained.

But Caleb is at such a tender age to be put through this wringer. If early elementary teachers could present the rigid format of this testing (timed, put your pencils down, etc.) as a game instead of something critical in their young lives, maybe that would help. (Answering each question you can (and skipping those you can't first time through)-- with the reward being --an extra recess or more quiet reading time, or a group activity--picnic). Just thinking aloud.

Unfortunately, what might help Caleb is more practice. But I think practice at home in a stress-free way might be the answer. You can make up a tiny test for him to take each night (name that fruit; add or subtract easy problems, etc.) for a week--with a reward of his choice each night. Then he will learn the test itself is not something to fear. And hopefully, he will stop going rigid inside worrying about it.

Mware
Member

09-14-2001

Wednesday, May 05, 2004 - 8:08 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
War -

Stress, I think, is caused most often by fear of an undesirable ending. Think about it - whether it's stress over a job interview, stress over a family situation, stress over an illness, stress over having too much work to do, or any other type of stress, it's caused by fear of an undesirable ending. (i.e. you don't get the job, the relative doesn't get better, you get reprimanded for failing to complete the task on time, etc.)

Maybe you can "de-bug" the ending a little for your son by letting him know that, while it's important that he does his best on these tests, the results are not going to change whether you and MOW love him, or are proud of him, and they certainly aren't going to determine how his life turns out.

By re-assuring him that his world isn't going to be unpleasantly changed, regardless of how he does on the tests, as long as he does his best, maybe he can relax a little about them.

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Wednesday, May 05, 2004 - 9:38 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
War, I'm sorry you're going thru this, the good news is that he'll probably grow out of it. After a few years of the teachers stressing how important the tests are, and the kids realizing that it really doesn't effect THEM, they start to blow off the teacher lectures.

It's a sad state of affairs, however. The teachers are in a bad place, and they are then forced to put the kids in a bad place.

As for Caleb, first things first. Symptomatic relief - teach him some self-calming techniques, the most important of which is breathing. When he starts ranting about the test, tell him to take 3 deep breaths with you. The first thing you need to do is help his *body* calm down, so he can feel calmer. Eventually, you won't need to take the breaths with him, and he'll even learn to do it himself when he thinks he needs it.

Second, thought changing - you need to find out why *this* test is stressing him more than others. (Mware is right on about the undesirable ending worry) Ask him what he thinks will happen if he does poorly on THIS test. My guess is that since he doesn't normally stress over tests that somehow he has gotten the idea that there are some negative consequences here that don't normally exist. I'd be curious to know what those are. Is he particularly attached to his teacher? Is he afraid that his teacher will get in trouble if HE doesn't do well?

Once you know what negative consequences he is fearing, then you can help him do some reality testing and reframing with him. For example, if he does think his teacher will get fired, then ask him if he really thinks that will happen. If he does, then you need to reassure him that's not the case, or get the teacher involved.

Sometimes kids overhear something and end up with some really whacky idea about what it means. Again, since normally testing doesn't phase him, I'm guessing that's what is going on here - he's got the belief that somehow doing poorly on this test has some dire negative outcome that isn't there with other tests.

Hope that helps, and let us know how it turns out!

Wargod
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, May 05, 2004 - 10:26 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Thank you guys!

Tests have always been no big deal for him and I have to say I'm a little worried this might push him into a test phobia!

His teacher is awesome. As far as I know she's had one conversation with the kids about the test, the one last week where she let them know the things they could do to be successful and what they're schedule this week would be like. She has done timed tests since the begining of the year and all their reading comprehension tests are modeled after the state tests, question and answer booklets, fill in the circles, so that when we get to the tests, the kids already know how to take the tests and are used to a time limit. I do know our teachers are under a lot of pressure for the kids to do well because for the past 2-3 years our school has been one of the highest scoring in our district.

We'll have a little chat with him after school and see if we can figure out whats going on in his head. His reaction to these tests is so unusual that I think you guys are right, it's got to be something he has stuck in his head about bad endings that is bothering him.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, May 05, 2004 - 11:00 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
ITA with Mware.

Wargod
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, May 06, 2004 - 12:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Bingo, we have a cause to the stress! You guys are great.

We had a talk with Caleb after school today and asked what he thought would happen if he didn't do too well on his tests. He wasn't quite sure, but thought it would mean he'd miss a recess or some other privelage at school. Seems he's gotten the message that they are important and he should try his hardest, and he was fully prepared, but no one thought to explain to him what the tests were for. We kept it pretty simple and just told him that the tests were a way to see how well the school was teaching him. He seemed a little less worried after that.

Then I asked how he thought he did. He perked right up and told me he knew how he did and the test was easy. His teacher had looked over the tests while the kids were outside blowing bubbles this afternoon (her way to de-stress them after the test.) She called them in one by one to go over the test and he had missed 3 out of 48 questions.

We have two more days of tests, I'm hoping we're over the nerves and stress, but not really counting on it. I have a feeling this is something that we might have to discuss with him again just to remind him that these tests won't have drastic consequences.

Thanks again everyone! I'll let you all know tomorrow how he's doing with it.

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Thursday, May 06, 2004 - 2:28 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I am glad Caleb made it thru the first tests, poor lil guy stressing so hard.

Dylan is in 2nd grade and always has attented private school, he has never taken this 'state' test.

Is this a requirement for CA school kids? If so, I better check with his school and see why they haven't taken it.

I wonder if the test has to do with funding for the schools or something to that effect.

WTG Caleb!!! Great job on the test!



Reader234
Member

08-13-2000

Thursday, May 06, 2004 - 5:28 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Pamy from my take the Federal Govt has declared a "no child left behind" document, and as such the state tests are a way to document that you are indeed educating all students...

So this year you raise the test by 10% or whatever, and eventually you will have 100% at 100%... meaning they dont take into account incoming students are students that have hit thier own plautea, or those students that just dont test well... and of course there is reason to know that the tests are racially biased... some kids just dont have the "assumed" background...

example, you would think that by 4th grade kids would know what a dozen eggs are... the majority absolutely does ... but again...

As an aside my dd had to take a state test for 1st grade, highly controversial here, so they compromised and allowed that the 1st graders should take the 'modified' from 50 quesstions to 20 and only in the spring... the proctor didnt know this and they got the standard 50 question.. boy are the teachers up in arms over this....me, I just chuckle but would very much like to know how my very own dd did, but I'm keeping my mouth shut and acting very professional!1

HOORAY for Caleb and WAR!!!

(and I think that even homeschooled kids have to take the tests in some states as a way to show the school districts the kids are being schooled, but that got real amendment tricky, so dont quote me on that, they may have only to take the SAT, ACT for college entry!!)

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, May 06, 2004 - 5:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I am not sure, but I do not believe that private schools have to go thru these particular hoops. I am almost positive, as my dad just accepted a principalship at a private school and he was saying he was happy he didn't have to deal with that "crap." (Guess it balances out the lower pay.)