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My Funniest Bloopers....

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2004 Nov. - 2005 Jan.: Free Expression... (ARCHIVES): My Funniest Bloopers.... users admin

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Archive through August 13, 2004Teachmichigan25 08-13-04  8:30 pm
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Mzzlissa
Member

03-08-2004

Friday, August 20, 2004 - 2:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Omigosh, thank you for sharing all these funny stories! I have transposed the letters in words and "zoned out" many times. A few of the most memorable are...

Trying to put the milk in the cupboard next to the refrigerator.

Spitting my toothpaste into the garbage can instead of the sink!

And my favorite... attempting to unlock my apartment door with the car's keyless entry remote. (Thank god the neighbor didn't see me!)

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Friday, August 20, 2004 - 4:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
LOL, how about trying to answer the remote control when the phone rings?

Eazyeast
Member

09-02-2004

Monday, September 06, 2004 - 10:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
While I was in the Army in Germany back in the 90's I went to see a loan company about a car loan and the interest was outragious so I changed my mind about the loan. On returning to my unit I met up with an African-American Sergeant in my company and was telling him about the mud-sharks who were trying to rip me off. Well he looked at me rather weird and I thought he didnt know what I was talking about so I said you know them guys that charge you too much interest on loans. He didnt say anything and walked off with that same weird look. After a while i realized what I said mud-shark and meant to say loan-shark. I felt like a baffoon. If you dont know, a mud-shark is a slang term for a white woman who is in a relationship what black male and it might as well been the N word because its just as bad.
BTW the sergeant never said anything about and treated me the same as always. Everytime I saw him though it just reminded me to think clearly when you speak because even though you didnt intend to offend someone you can do it very easily.

Seamonkey
Member

09-07-2000

Tuesday, September 07, 2004 - 11:16 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Easy, good reminder! Those things happen to all of us from time to time and we cannot "take it back", not really.

Who I've never tried to answer my remote control, but I've tried to use it to "mute" the phone.

Zules
Member

08-21-2000

Tuesday, September 07, 2004 - 12:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Oh man! You guys are cracking me up!

I'm sure I've told this one somewhere before but it's still my favorite.

A friend of mine had been working at her company for years and doing a wonderful job. The General Manager was leaving and she was hoping she would be offered the position.

The boss gives the job to his 19 year old, incredibly underqualified nephew.

My friend calls to tell me the news and says "Well, there's nothing like a little necrophilia in the workplace!"

She thought I was nuts to be cracking up like that because she hadn't gotten the job. It took me about five minutes to stop laughing long enough to spit out "nepotism!".

Sasman
Member

07-08-2003

Tuesday, September 07, 2004 - 12:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
This is such a great terrific thread.

Mine happened my college freshman year. One of the requirements back then was taking a phys ed class. The first semester was swimming which was fine with me; the only unusual thing was that we had to swim naked. (I'm still not sure why that was the case but it was.)

Well anyway, I was very near sighted and naturally did not swim with glasses on. This one day I was absent mindedly leaving the pool on my way back to the locker room when I pushed through the door to what turned out to be the lobby of the gym. I looked up in horror to all the clothed students entering and leaving the gym when I just barely (pun intended) caught the door before it closed. Of course this was a door that only opened from the inside.

I still laugh at the thought of being in the lobby naked except for a tiny towel.

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Sunday, September 19, 2004 - 12:35 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My older sis did a funny one today. She called, and one of the things she was talking about was the new web camera they got, and how her DH was thinking of putting the camera up on the roof. So she told me, "I'll let you know when he gets it up."

I told her, "uh sis, that's okay. I don't really need to know."

Tabbyking
Member

03-11-2002

Sunday, September 19, 2004 - 4:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
when i was on the grand jury for a year, we were assured we would not get even regular jury duty for 7 years. one day, during that grand jury year, the grand jury foreman got a notice for regular jury duty, so he called the jury commissioner's office to leave a message about not having to serve.
when he got to his real job a day or two later, he noticed everyone was laughing. his secretary had posted a large note to him on the bulletin board to tell him the commissioner's secretary had called. what the note said was, "dale, kathy called to say she can get you off."

when i was a little kid, my dad worked in a huge lumber yard in santa clara. there was a huge, framed aerial view of the entire lumber yard and it was so heavy, my dad's boss asked if he could use some molly bolts or something to secure it better. so my father gets to work and the next thing he hears is his secretary on the phone saying, "i'm sorry, but mr. lauer can't come to the phone right now. he's standing on a chair screwing a picture on the wall." my dad said he could hear the person on the other end of the line laughing...from all the way across the room.

Vee
Member

02-23-2004

Monday, October 11, 2004 - 5:55 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Yesterday, I was reminded of a blooper that I had hoped would be permanently lost in my subconcious because I found it so embarrassing. But, apparently, it has been the source of amusement for a number of folks so that's how I was reminded again...I met one of those folks at an apple orchard.

A couple of years ago, I was teaching a business writing class at a local community college. There were about twenty students and on the first day, as I was calling the list of names and getting acquainted, I ran across a student's name, which was one of those, shall we say, unfortunate types.

Wish that I could share it...let's just say it was "Fiery Smoke Burns" and that would be close. I asked twice because I couldn't quite get my mind around it and the student just grinned at me and assured me that that was indeed her name. At which point I said, "What was your mama thinkin'?"
We all chuckled at that and I moved on to the next student who turned out to be her mama! embarrassed

Jed245
Member

11-01-2002

Monday, October 11, 2004 - 6:02 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
firey smoke burns... er helen? umm what was the first name? :o)

Tabbyking
Member

03-11-2002

Tuesday, October 12, 2004 - 9:01 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
well, i am totally at a loss as to what is close to 'fiery smoke burns'...i am getting a headache trying to think of what is supposed to be fairly obvious. LOL

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Tuesday, October 12, 2004 - 9:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I can't quite grasp my brain around 'fiery smoke burns' either.

Herckleperckle
Member

11-20-2003

Tuesday, October 12, 2004 - 9:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I doubt if it was obvious as a name.

Um . . . Sizzly Smolder Blazes?

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Wednesday, October 13, 2004 - 12:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
flaming pot burns

Abbynormal
Member

08-04-2001

Wednesday, October 13, 2004 - 2:10 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I have decided I have amazing wonderous boobs. I am a cashier and occasionally I will lean over the cash register to wipe the counter in front of it. Sometimes my boob will hit the cash button and the drawer will pop out. No big deal really and usually no one is around.

Well! The other day I leaned over to take someone's money and my boob didn't hit the cash button, oh no, my wonderous and amazing boob rung up $3.50!! Now, I would like to know how in the heck it finagled around to hit the 3, then 5, then 0. And why did it have to show it's skill's in front of someone? I quietly voided out the $3.50 while the customer said it was worth that much to see that happen. He wanted me to do it again!!

Karen
Member

09-07-2004

Wednesday, October 13, 2004 - 3:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
When I was in high school, my mom went back to college to get her special ed. teaching certificate. Near the end of her last year, she was preparing for her practicum and one of the final course projects was to do a class presentation on what your practicum would entail. My mom, the over-achiever she is, went to great lengths to put together a phenominal project based on the 'outside world' -- making catchers for tadpoles, finding 'treasures' in the dirt, etc. Well, as she was infront of her entire class (remember that she's a 40-ish mom in a classroom with just-from-highschool kids), the 'title' of her presentation was "Teaching Kids About Organisms"... but she got up infront of the whole class and said, "In my practicum, I'm going to be teaching the kids about orgasms and how to find and create them for themselves..."


Vee
Member

02-23-2004

Thursday, October 14, 2004 - 4:27 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Karen, I'm sure that your mom wanted to drop through the floor.

You guys are cracking me up! I had no idea that my post was going to send so many into brain spasms. Sorry about that...okay, here's the deal since I didn't explain so well. This gal's first, middle, and last names are all fine on their own, but in conjunction with one another the whole was just silly. The "Firey Smoke Burns" is my blunder so let me fix it with "Honey Bea Hives." See? They're all legitimate names, but together they're ridiculous. Of course, the point is, after my less-than-sensitive comment, her mother turned out to be the next student. Her surname, by the way, was not the same as her daughter's. Sigh... I'm leaving now.........

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Thursday, October 14, 2004 - 6:10 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Breaking news-- HMT was just in here and I showed him Karen's "organisms/orgasms" post and he about fell through the floor laughing!

What a good start to my day!

My turn-- I'll share some other stuff later, but the orgasms thing reminded me of some sign language bloopers. I know a woman who was taking a beginning sign language class and was at a deaf community event practicing her new skills. When she got ready to go, she tried to sign, "It's nice to meet you," to a man she had been talking with. The sign for meet and the sign for have sex are similar- it is a difference of one finger coming together on opposite hands as opposed to two fingers coming together on opposite hands. You see where this is going.... she signed "it was nice to have sex with you" by mistake! She was so embarrassed!

For me, one night in my ASL IV class (the class where I first met ASL guy!), we were working on descriptors and classifiers. We were giving a shape, such as a cone, and had to get up in front of the class and think of a real object that had that shape and describe it. I was given "cube" and I decided to create a "jack-in-the-box." I signed the shape of the cube and descibed the little lever that you wind up and then I had the clown pop out. After I finished, I looked over at my sign language teacher and she was trying very hard not to laugh. None of us knew why and we finally got it out of her that instead of the sign for clown, I had mistakenly used a slang sign for shit, so basically I had created "shit in the box." The whole class lost it for a good ten minutes, and for the rest of the evening, people would mimic getting hit by shit.

It is 18 months later and we STILL talk about that!

Zachsmom
Moderator

07-13-2000

Thursday, October 14, 2004 - 8:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
ROTFL!

Nickovtyme
Member

07-29-2004

Thursday, October 14, 2004 - 10:31 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I just found this thread! It's hilarious...Fortunately for me. I'm picture perfect and I don't have any blooper stories! Oh wait...there was this one time...

When my wife was pregnant with my daughter, my company had just merged with another company and in the course of the merge...we had a big company meeting to discuss some changes that were being made to our benifits. It was after hours and we were allowed to bring our family members to help discuss the changes that were being made.

I don't know about everybody else, but when my wife was later in the stages of pregnancy, she became very gassy. She told me that the baby was just pushing it out and she had no control over it.

Gawd! I'm dying remembering this...anyway, about half way through the meeting, my wife rose up out of her chair slightly, and let one rip! She was mortified! I was mortified! We tried to act like nothing had happened and when a few people who were sitting around us turned to look...

She pointed at me like it was my fault and I was the one that had done it!

Thank goodness it was all sound and no smell.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Thursday, October 14, 2004 - 4:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
OH NO!! That is so funny. I can totally relate to that feeling late in pregnancy. That is too funny. Your a good guy for taking the blame.

Nickovtyme
Member

07-29-2004

Thursday, October 14, 2004 - 6:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I forgot to add that later on that evening when I asked her why she had done it in the middle of the meeting...she told me that she thought it was gonna be a quiet one and didn't realize the baby would use so much force to push that one out.

Karen
Member

09-07-2004

Friday, October 15, 2004 - 6:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I really love this thread. Thanks to everyone for digging up repressed memories for all to enjoy.

A few years back, I had a summer job as a mess-hall waitress at a cadet training camp/military base. I had worked there for a couple of summers and was fortunate enough to be placed in the Officers' Mess. After we had been there for a couple of weeks, the kitchen staff had gotten to know the officers that would come into the mess, and I had developed a rather large crush on one of the men. WELL, it comes time for the Mess dinner -- a very formal event -- and my fellow server-girls, knowing that I had a crush on Mr. X, dared me to slip an invitation to meet me at the bar later that night into his menu at his place setting before they all arrived. Not being one to turn down a dare, I accepted, found the first scrap piece of paper I could find, wrote a rather sultry, anonymous note, and slipped it into his menu.

Long story short... he never did end up showing up at the bar that night, but the next morning, as the entire kitchen staff (about 12 of us, myself included!) was eating their breakfast at the picnic table outside, he approached us, apologized to me for not appearing the night before, and asked me out on a date! Then he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the note I had left him. Turns out, the first scrap piece of paper that I had found was a receipt for something I had purchased with a credit card, complete with a fully legible signature.

I go, girl.

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Sunday, December 26, 2004 - 9:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
When Christmas shopping a week or two ago, we were trying to decide what we were doing next. I was trying to tell Mom, "I don't care, it doesn't make any difference to me. Its all up to you." Instead, I guess my mouth decided to condense the sentence, and I said, "I don't care. Its all up to me."

Urgrace
Member

08-19-2000

Monday, December 27, 2004 - 10:26 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Picture a 10 year old girl, the beginning of fifth grade and the oh so great fresh idea of educating the girls about biological changes, which was done by segregating them from the boys and showing them a film. Of course all the boys knew exactly what all the girls were seeing.

Now imagine a stage full of boys beginning band practice while the only two girls in band are (1) absent and (me) still at the film. One of the teachers tells me to hurry to the cafeteria where the stage is because I'm late. So in my haste, my band director tells me to hurry, also. I am embarrassed because of all the snickering happening from the all male class.

In the meantime there is a boy who plays the trombone and sits right behind me. My chair is front row, first chair. He has picked on me since the first day I started going to that school, and this day was no different. He had placed my chair on the edge of the stage. I jumped up and sat on the chair which immediately fell off the stage, tumbling me with both feet straight up in the air, my dress around my chest. Another round of laughter to humiiliate me again.

ps Luckily it was gym day and I was wearing shorts, but none of them ever forgot.