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Archive through August 13, 2004

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2004 Nov. - 2005 Jan.: Free Expression... (ARCHIVES): My Funniest Bloopers....: Archive through August 13, 2004 users admin

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Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 2:19 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
OK, I can't be the only one who comes up with some very things when the brain crosses a wire on the way to your mouth...

Today, I did what will certainly become another classic in our family. Mom had been wearing a sun hat during some of our excursions the last few days. As we loaded up in the van to come home tonight, I was putting some of her stuff in the back seat, then held up her hat to ask if she wanted to wear it or put it in the back seat. As I held her hat out to her, I said, "do you want to put your purse on your head or...." Of course I never got the rest out, cause my niece caught what I said and led the LOL crusade in wondering why I wanted Mom to put her purse on her head! I got such a case of the giggles I almost couldn't breathe! Even now I'm chuckling to myself as I type it. Don't know if its cause I'm very tired, or if its just a case of my sometimes too vivid an imagination. I can just picture Mom sitting in the van with her purse sitting on her head, and all I can do is hurt myself laughing.

A week or so ago, as my sis and her family headed home after a visit, I started to tell her our traditional "call me when you get home so we know you got home safe." What I said instead was, "call me before you get home." True to her smart alec self, a few minutes later she called from her cell and said, "well, first of all, we're not home yet....." And of course I've since gotten the ribbing of how its a good thing she had a cell, so she could call before she got home as I asked. And of course they still aren't sure how it does any good to call before they get home!

Another time, I'd just gotten off the bus, and stopped in the local convenience store to buy something, when all I really wanted to do was wait out the rain before I did mile the or so walk to my house. I was writing a check, but couldn't find a pen in my purse. So I needed to ask the clerk if he had one. At the same time, I'm thinking in my head how I sure wished I had a car so I wouldn't have to walk home in the rain. What came out was, "do you have a car?" The clerk gave me one of those looks, then laughed and said, "well yeah, I do. But you can't use it!"

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 4:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
LOL Who!! Those are great!!

Resortgirl
Member

09-23-2000

Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 5:21 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Who, those are so funny! I guess I'm kind of like you in the sense that my brain and mouth (or actions) don't always seem to be on the same page.

I was walking through the dining room one day and my son Jordan (about 12 at the time) was sitting in the living room watching tv. I was going to give him the Peace sign as I walked by (that's what my brain was thinking) but instead I flipped him the bird! I don't know why, can't explain it... but he was ROFL at me! I guess I had a brain hiccup!

Secretsmile
Member

08-19-2002

Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 7:49 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Several years ago when my children were teenagers I was a Boy Scout leader and we were at summer camp. After dinner we had an all camp flag ceremony and being shorter than most of the scouts I got pushed to the side away from my troop. Thinking my husband was in back of me, I leaned back into him and rested my head on his chest. Much to my dismay and the total confusion of the poor boy, it was not my husband but a Boy Scout from another troop. LOL, it wasn't even someone who I knew, let alone knew me for the ditz I am.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 8:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Rofl!!!

Vee
Member

02-23-2004

Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 8:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Whoami, you always come up with great thread ideas! I'm still laughing at all these stories, gals. Now I can't get the image of Whoami's mother sitting in the car with a purse on her head or Resortgirl's son reacting to getting flipped off by his own mother out of my mind!

One of my stories is similar to Secret's. Many years ago, in my friskier days, my husband and I attended the funeral of a dear older friend...nothing funny about that, but after the service, while we were standing in a very crowded church vestry, my husband rubbed my behind, or so I thought. I reached back and gave him a little pat on the rump just to let him know that I appreciated the gesture. I glanced over my shoulder in time to see some poor man scamper most decidely away from me in the opposite direction. My husband was way over in the opposite corner chatting with the pastor. I was so mortified I could hardly stay standing, but every time I thought about that poor man, I got completely choked up. People must have thought that I was coming unhinged.

Last fall during hunting season, I looked out my picture window and to my horror saw a shot doe and her fawn. I said, "Oh no, she's been shot!"
Then I said to my niece, "Come quickly but slowly." Well I meant to say "quickly but quietly." Anyway, my poor niece drops to the floor and starts crawling to me. She now says that I looked at her as if she had three heads. I finally said, "What the hell are you doing?" She said, "Get down, don't stand in front of that window!"

It wasn't until then that I realized that she thought there was some madman out in the yard with a gun...too funny and we still get hysterical whenever we think about it. I'm having trouble typing right now for laughing...






Mak1
Member

08-12-2002

Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 11:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I'm "quietly laughing out loud" at that last one, Vee!

Who, you do come up with some good threads. I don't always post, but I always check them out.

Carrie92
Member

09-15-2003

Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 11:46 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I have several... but can't think of them right now. The one that popped into my head immediately was my grandma's now-famous blooper.

My grandma is very religious, wakes up at 6am everyday to say her rosary and do her devotionals and pray. She rarely ever says a bad word, and if she does, it's just a mild one.

She was on the phone with my aunt one day, talking about going to Kentucky Fried Chicken, but instead of saying that, said "KenF*cky Tried Chicken". She tried to continue as if she had never said it, but no way was my aunt going to let her get away with it! So, now we tease her about it all the time! Poor thing will never live it down!

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Monday, August 09, 2004 - 12:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
LOL Carrie! That reminds me of the one my Mom did. She used to be VERY adamant about how offensive the F word was. It still is of course, but the overuse of it in the past several years has desensitized her from it at least.

Anyway, back in the days it was just abhorrent to her, we were driving along a road well known for all the chuckholes it had. We saw they were finally filling them, much to Mom's relief. So, she stated, "oh, I see they're finally chilling the f***holes." She was so horrified and overwhelmed, she had to pull the car over to collect herself again.

Of course, that doesn't stop us from still ribbing her about it all these years later! It really doesn't help that a vivid imagination runs in my family, and we've often ribbed her about how uncomfortable that would be to chill.....um, well, never mind. I think you get the idea.

Thanks for the sweet comments about the threads I start. Most are pretty short lived, but fun while it lasts. I love seeing everyone's input. I just LOL'ed thinking about poor RG's son getting flipped off from out of the blue!

Bookworm
Member

12-18-2001

Monday, August 09, 2004 - 5:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I'm still laughing about that. I met them, and it's even funnier if you know them in real life.

I was cracking up at several of these posts.

Here's one of mine that we still laugh about at work:

I was reading a story about some baby chicks which would peck each other for no reason other than they had always done it. A new chick refused to peck the others. The moral of the story (on a three year old level) was to be nice to your friends. I had an ornery little boy a couple of years back. Just as I finished the story and we talked about treating our friends nicely he turns to the shy, quiet, little girl next to him and starts pecking at her with his nose. She looked at me with these little eyes that just said, 'help me'. So I tell the child to leave her alone. He continues to peck at her. One of our rules is 'keep your hands and feet to yourself'. So I remind him of that rule. He says that his is keeping his hands and feet to himself. (and he is) So without even thinking, I say.... 'keep your pecker to yourself'.

Oh my gosh, I was horrified. Thank goodness none of the kids in that class had heard of a pecker before. My male assistant was literally rolling on the floor at the back of the room. I was trying to keep my composure, and move onto the next task before I lost it. It is now a running joke at our center.

Teachmichigan
Member

07-22-2001

Monday, August 09, 2004 - 6:47 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
ROFLMAO!!! Oh my, Book, that is hysterical! Even my DH laughed!

Ddr
Member

08-19-2001

Monday, August 09, 2004 - 6:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
LOL! at Bookie! That is hysterical!

Twiggyish
Member

08-14-2000

Monday, August 09, 2004 - 7:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
ROFL!!

Vee
Member

02-23-2004

Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 6:42 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Bookworm, working with children can be hysterical nearly every day. When I was teaching second grade, I had a rule that pencils had to be sharpened in the morning at a designated time...the room was small and the pencil sharpener was loud...anyway, as my little class was lined up for this event, one of the girls said that she didn't know where to hold all her pencils...she happened to be wearing a bun that day...yup...I said, "Well, you could stick them in your bun." Her double take was priceless, which is when I finally figured out what I had said. I had to tell her parents about it and they just roared...thank goodness...it could have gotten ugly!

Resortgirl
Member

09-23-2000

Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 1:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
LOL Vee! Bookie, you had me ROFLOL!! That is priceless!!!

You may have already read this one elsewhere... I made some CD's for some of my friends here, and after practically begging Marysafan for her address (I promised not to show up on her doorstep) she finally agreed to give it to me. I wrote it on the CD package and mailed it the very next day! As I was cleaning off my desk this weekend I found the CD and card that I had made for Mary and couldn't figure out what I mailed to her... I got her on IM and told her I was sorry but I accidentally mailed her something other then what I had intended... All of the sudden it dawned on me, the postage to mail Mary's cd was $.60 and everyone elses was $.88, soooooooo I realized I mailed her an empty box!! What a dope!

Lostintheglades
Member

07-10-2000

Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 4:54 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
This thread certainly has done me a world of good the last few days. I feel sooooo normal now.

Abby7
Member

07-17-2002

Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 5:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I had been out at a high school event with my friends and date. After the event, we all went to my date's father's house out in the country. (no adults were at the house at the time).

Anyway, I was in high school- 16 or 17. I had on a mini dress and pantyhose (it was the 70's). I had just gone to the bathroom. I was on my period. I was wearing one of those big ol' Kotex pads that were used in those days.

Now, we've all heard the horror stories about someone coming out of the bathroom with their dress tucked in to the pantyhose in the back.

Well, picture that BUT add a long white Kotex pad hanging out like a tail! (I'm turning red as I type).

Anyway, THANK GOD there was a long hallway coming out of the bathroom with a long hallway mirror on the wall. I took a glance at myself and see a TAIL!

Again, THANK GOD, for that mirror so I SAW IT AND RAN BACK IN TO THE BATHROOM.

I know I would NEVER have been able to handle that experience at that age (hell, I don't know if I could now) if anyone had seen me. Of course I told my girlfriends...but NOT until the next day.

Bigd
Member

09-13-2001

Wednesday, August 11, 2004 - 7:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
If there was ever a place on this wonderful board that I know I belong in, this is it!!! I am a natural born klutz and once of the biggest dorks I know so I have allot of stories I could tell, but for this post, I will just stick to the latest.

I play competitive tennis on a regular basis. Since it is competitive, and not "just for fun", of course I MUST have the right clothes to wear. Anyway, I purchased one the latest "dry-wear" tennis shirts. It is designed to "wick the moisture (of sweat) away from your body"... therefore, keeping you dry. It is made of some special material that is very lightweight and thin. Anyway,I had a USTA doubles match at my home club a couple of days ago. The day before, I got my racquet re-strung. So I went to the club early for my match so that I could practice a little before the match to get the feel of my new strings. I was practicing serves. Being the dortk/klutz that I am, I have a very definite follow-through on my serve motion and so I sometimes hit my shin on my left leg at the end of my follow-through motion. This time I hit it pretty hard and a huge goose-egg popped up on my shin. It was pretty painful and so I decided to go back into the clubhouse and put ice on it before my match. Well, I fixed myself a glass of ice-water to drink while putting the ice-pack on my shin. The clubhouse was full of women preparing for the upcoming matches. The very first drink of water I took, I had one of those moments where all the ice moves at once of course the water dumps down the front of my shirt. So I get the bright idea to go into the restroom and use the hair dryer to dry the wet spot that is the whole top portion of my shirt. Even though this shirt is designed to "wick the moisture away" - I am soaked. Everyone agrees this is a brilliant idea to use the hair dryer. So off I go into the restroom, I slip my hand under my shirt to hold it away from my body, turn on the hair dryer, hold it as if I am drying my hair, only pointed at my shirt. I look away to a friend standing beside me talking when suddenly she screams "your shirt is smoking!!" and I look down and sure enough I had burned a huge hole right in the chest of this shirt! The material has literally disintegrated! Just melted away. So now I have this huge hole in my brand new shirt, and goose-egg lump on my shin and I have a tennis match to play!

For the rest of the evening, every now and then I would catch people chuckling at me. Finally the ladies that I was playing against told me it was very hard to take me seriously with the big hole in my shirt.

So I go home that night and take the shirt off and put it in the trash can. Just so happens the next morning is trash day and my husband takes care of that. So he goes into the bathroom to empty the trash and discovers the shirt. He thinks I must have accidentally dropped it in the trash and takes it out. He then noticed the big hole and later wants to know what kind of tennis match I was playing that blew a hole in my shirt!!!!

Bookworm
Member

12-18-2001

Wednesday, August 11, 2004 - 7:30 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Oh my goodness BigD! That's funny.

Bandit
Member

07-29-2001

Friday, August 13, 2004 - 8:13 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My sister called me last night to tell me something stupid she did. (I love when I get phone calls like that.)

Anyway, she works at California State University, Northridge--in the Religious Studies department. During the day, she listens to the radio over the internet. While she is doing this a little box will come up and tell who the artist and song title is. It happened to be "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" by Rod Stewart.

Have you ever been talking on the phone and typing at the same time and you accidentally say what you were typing?

Well, she has....she answered the phone "Religious Studies, do ya think I'm..." But then she stopped herself. Can you imagine if she had followed through with it? Too funny.

I was glad to get the call, because my sister and I get great joy at making fun of each other's stupid moments. Although, she didn't have to call during Big Brother to tell me that!!!

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Friday, August 13, 2004 - 3:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
LOL. These are all so funny.

Bandit, you reminded me of another one of Mom's classics.

We had decided at one point to start saying blessing over our food, just cause food was so hard to come by back then, and we wanted to make sure to give thanks for it. My sis was very young, so we picked a simple one for her to learn, and when it came time for "Blessing," we'd do a dramatic slapping of our hands together in the prayer posture (to help cue sis), then start.

Well, my Mom was a telephone operator at the time. A very tedious but stressful job (mostly due to how she was treated by the bosses). She worked very hard, and was often very tired. Anyway, we all slapped our hands together to say Blessing, and Mom started off...."Colorado FDS Operator number....."

All of us just gave her a look. Then of course we all busted out laughing. And of course we had to rib her and ask her if she picked up the phone at work and answered, "God is great, God is good...."

Resortgirl
Member

09-23-2000

Friday, August 13, 2004 - 3:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Who, You should be a story teller! I could just "picture" myself sitting at that dinner table with you!!

Carrie92
Member

09-15-2003

Friday, August 13, 2004 - 7:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
OW! My belly hurts from all the chuckling!

Jimmer
Member

08-30-2000

Friday, August 13, 2004 - 7:54 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
These are all great stories!

Here's one on me. I was working late at the office one night and I was getting hungry so I decided to eat a sandwich that I had left over from lunch. Well I'd just taken an enormous bite when I heard the VP call me from his office, which was nearby. So I go into his office and stand there in front of his desk, chewing frantically and trying to swallow. The VP was a very polite guy so he just sat there waiting patiently for what seemed like an eternity until I finished. Well I finally got it down and managed to croak out "What can I do for you?". His response, "I didn't call you". I just about fell over from embarrassment (though it was pretty funny at the same time).

Well we both had a good laugh about it afterward, with him saying he was having a hard time figuring out why I would come into his office to talk to him with my mouth full of food.

Teachmichigan
Member

07-22-2001

Friday, August 13, 2004 - 8:30 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Hmmm....at the risk of getting into too much detail, let's just give the "cliffnotes" version of a couple of rather embarrassing classroom moments:
1. Falling off a 30 inch stool when I was "attempting" to jump off -- fell into a bookcase AND ripped my straight denim skirt up to the point of barely being appropriate unless you're a hooker!
2. Having a student ask me a question, then tell me I've got something on my shirt... it was a BOOGER from blowing my nose!
3. "Pooting" while sitting on the edge of a chair in the hallway during Parent Teacher conferences -- with a teacher sitting next to me and a parent walking up!

That's enough humiliation for one night....but gotta' say, I'm the first to laugh at myself, and when I received a whoopi cushion in a staff meeting after incident #3, I took pains to learn how to use the darn thing! LOL