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Archive through January 20, 2005

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2004 Nov. - 2005 Jan.: Free Expression... (ARCHIVES): The return of The Return of the Gripe Thread (ARCHIVES): Archive through January 20, 2005 users admin

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Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Friday, January 14, 2005 - 2:30 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Ack Who, sorry you're having to deal with that. I've known some fantastic Home Oxygen Reps in the past. We had one guy who'd take the time to come in and talk to the residents, always seemed to know when they'd need extra portable tanks (cuz he talked to them!,) and would spend hours showing those new to the machines and tanks how to use them and change them, etc. He even came in on his off time to give an inservice to our employees who were newer on how to change the portable tanks and how best to help the residents. Then we had the lousy ones. Didn't bring enough tanks, wouldn't show the residents how to manage theirs when it was new to them, if they weren't home, would leave without leaving tanks even though they knew we could let them in the rooms to drop them off. Those were the ones who were a pain to deal with.

Since my aunt's gotten hers, we haven't had those kinds of problems, we just seem to have a goofy rep. She's 74, very unsteady on her feet, and he brought her something like a gazillion ft of extension tubing and left. Mom came home to find her walking through the house with the whole thing, and poor aunt was having to step over the stuff. Then he gave them this retractable thingie. When they go out, aunt uses a walker or wheel chair, and mom walks to the side or behind her pulling along the portable tank. The tubing was rolled on this retractable thingie, they were in the grocery store, mom stopped to grab something, aunt kept going until the thing got caught and snapped her head back. Mom was ticked. When next she saw the rep, she mentioned it to him and that they hadn't used it since then, and he told her yeah that was a problem with them sometimes they stuck. She then chewed him out for not mentioning it in the first place, cuz if she'd known she'd never have used it! They're now to a shorter tubing, and to looping the extra around the handle of the portable tank, but rep is still goofy, lol.

That does bring a rant for me though. My aunt can not get it through her head she has to use the oxygen 24/7. Wednesday night, her companion who lives with them, went running to find mom because aunt had gotten in the shower without her oxygen, got woozy and passed out and fell out of the shower. Why is this woman so stubborn? She knows she has to use it, she knows she feels better with it, yet mom is constantly catching her without it.

Vee
Member

02-23-2004

Friday, January 14, 2005 - 2:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
They have foam on those things and retractable hosing?! Wow! Wait until I tell my mother this. My poor grandmother has been doing the cotton ball thing and her ears are so tender that they look raw sometimes. And to think that she wouldn't have to step and trip over all that hosing, not to mention everybody else in the house...

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Friday, January 14, 2005 - 3:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
my oxygen rep (i have a cpap with oxygen) is really great. since my oxygen is a night thing, and i work, he always leaves the tanks when it's my day. kind of like a "water" guy. he picks up the used ones and leaves the good ones. i don't have to worry about the hoses and stuff, mine hooks right into the cpap. but gawd, try and get the stuff between the oxygen company and kaiser is a pain in the butt! took me 6 months to get a new mask!

Rosie
Member

11-12-2003

Friday, January 14, 2005 - 3:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Aww WhoMum sorry you have to deal with this.

Just wondering if you have to sign for his deliveries? If so, could you tell him you will sign when he gets your delivery right?



Eeyoreslament
Member

07-20-2003

Tuesday, January 18, 2005 - 8:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I can't find the "Can I just vent for a moment" thread.

I am SOOOOOOOO sick of my bf's laziness, and lack of motivation of ANY form. Today, he added the straw that has broken this donkey's back.

First of all, he moved away to participate in a national team development program for his sport. The coach is a slave driver, and expects EFFORT from these guys. Does my boyfriend do ANYTHING more than the daily scheduled practice? He goes to the gym for about 1.5 hrs a day. He is told he needs to improve his cardio, and also GAIN 30 lbs of lean muscle, but does he alter his out-of-practice exercise habits? NO!!

I've told him that every national team member I've ever been friends with (about 10-15 ppl, in 6 different sports), has done at LEAST two workouts a day, one being a cardio, another sport-specific weight training. Not to mention the practices they do on field/court/mat/pool. I have been telling him this since September. Has he changed? NO!!!!

He does not have money. He saved up a bit over the summer, but that paid his rent/bills til December. I told him in September, GET A JOB YOU PIECE OF *%@#!! Does he try for jobs? NO!!!

The main obstacle is his schedule. The practices are scheduled from 4-6pm, which means he is pretty much unavailable from 3-7pm. This eliminates days shifts, and night shifts. He has mainly restaurant training, but has had no luck because of his schedule. I told him to go to BREAKFAST places, who are pretty much closed by 3pm. The two in town, he went in looking like a BUM, in JEANS, and just handed in a resume to some random employee.

I've told him all of these things that are WRONG to do on a job hunt, and he breaks every rule. He wears jeans, he is quiet, he doesn't come BACK when they ask him to come back, he hands them a resume from a STACK, he doesn't write a cover letter. NOTHING. GRRRRR!!!!!

So, tonight I get home from school, and he's written me saying he needs my help writing a cover letter for this "grant" for his sport. I am all over helping him. Then he tells me he has to have it TONIGHT, as he wants to go print it before practice, and signed by the coach, and handed in tomorrow. WTF!!!

I asked him, "How long have you known about this application/cover letter due date." TWO WEEKS. So I say to him, "Don't you think it's presumptuous to think that I am going to come home, drop all of my homework, and write you your cover letter TONIGHT?" This makes me ESPECIALLY mad, because I was just OVER THERE this weekend, and he never mentioned it. We could have worked on it together.

Part of me thinks that he avoids responsibility so much, that me writing the letter for him will reinforce that when things get tough, someone will bail him out, and he is REWARDED for not putting out any initial effort. I want to not write the letter for him, and have him lose out on the grant, just to punish him.

He reaches new levels of laziness every day. I am at the end of my rope, and I almost feel like the laziness overshadows every great thing about him. I am on the verge of throwing away my 3 years with him, because he has no intention of shaping up.

What pi$$es me off even more, is that when I start yelling at him for waiting so long, he goes, "I'm gonna go to the gym". Like he's running away from the 'hard conversation'. He never deals with his own laziness, and he runs away when he is forced to confront it. I am just getting so sick of it.



Rant over. Apologies for the capitalizations, and profanities.


Oh PS!! Did I mention the typical day of my bf? Wake up around 12 noon, eat, sit around on the computer, go to practice at 3:15, get home around 6:30, eat, go to the gym, come home, eat again, go to bed. THATS IT.

Mmqt
Member

03-19-2004

Tuesday, January 18, 2005 - 10:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Eyeore...what IS in this for you?????

Eeyoreslament
Member

07-20-2003

Tuesday, January 18, 2005 - 11:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I dunno.....the reward of seeing a person I love accquire more success? It feels really wrong for me to not help someone succeed. But I told him just now that I'm not writing it for him. He can sit there and write it, and I'll correct the errors. But I figure if ANYONE is going to sit at the computer for hours pouring over a cover letter, it should be him.

I'm KIND OF hoping he'll learn from this, but I don't think he will. I've made him "learned helpless"!! He doesn't take advantage of me, and cover letters and stuff it right up my alley, but my big grump is that he waited SO LONG, and pulled the "I've been busy" excuse, when I know he hasn't. That was my main issue.

If he doens't get it done tonight, that's his problem, not mine. And I can admit that I am petty enough to throw in PLENTY of "I told you so"s.

Llkoolaid
Member

08-01-2001

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 4:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Eyore, just gonna say 3 things.
1. You can't change them.
2. The 3 years are gone, do you have 3 more you want to throw away.
3. Are you getting what you need.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 6:14 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Is he living with you? Are you supporting him financially? If so then why would he change? He has no motivation to do so.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 6:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I know you are just ranting, but 2 things.....
1. it doesn't sounds like he is lazy but that he is purposely trying to sabotage himself.
2. time spent with someone isn't enough reason to stay together.

Jeep
Member

10-17-2001

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 6:48 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Eyore, just one word......run! And do it before you spend half your life with him, like I have done, only to be deeply hurt.

Three years is enough.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 6:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I agree, don't do the letter and think very hard if you want to spend your life taking care of him and being aggravated all the time...

Max
Member

08-12-2000

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 9:47 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Eeyore, What everyone else said, plus this:

You cannot save everyone. Especially someone who doesn't want to save himself.

Think about your future. Is this the kind of life you want to lead, the kind of partner you want to have? What would it be like to have children with this person? Would he be a good partner in raising children who will grow, thrive and contribute positively to the world? Can you truly envision growing old with this person and having him support you through sickness/health, rich times and poor times?

If you can't answer yes to all of these questions, then it's time to end this relationship and move on. Unless, of course, you want to continue to be mom instead of partner. :-)

That doesn't mean you don't wish him success and happiness, it just means that you don't share the same life goals and values and that you need to find someone who does share those things with you so you can build a future together.

Whatever you do, I wish you all the best. :-)

Eeyoreslament
Member

07-20-2003

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 11:47 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
OK, to try and answer some questions....no, we're not living together. He lives in a different city, about 6 hours away.

I didn't write the letter, and when he called later last night, I exploded on him, and told him every little thing I hated about him and his actions. I was pretty harsh. The one quality I am not so proud of, is my sharp tongue. I can be pretty humbling, without using a single profanity.

Another thing about my bf, is that he changes things when he knows it's serious. He knew last night. Even though all of his laziness is towards his PERSONAL things, like his sport, his employment, etc., he understood that it was beginning to take its toll on our relationship. You see, on the flipside, he is VERY attentive to our relationship. I hear from him 8 times a day, and he drops EVERYTHING for me if I'm around. (That sounds worse than it is.) He's great that way, but just doesn't take care of himself.

I told him last night that he is so unproductive that I couldn't stand him anymore. His response was (only at first) that I surf the computer a lot too. But my response as that I also go to school full time, work, and bring in enough money to pay for an apartment TWICE the price of his, more bills than him, and I STILL spend the money to go over there to visit him. And that when I'm NOT productive in one area of my life, it's usually because I am over-productive in another part (school slips when I have to work a lot).

My bf is still pretty young, and still has big lessons to learn in life. I can't expect him to be all-knowing, and perfect yet. But he changes when I tell him it's serious, and to me, that's what counts.

Max, I can answer yes to most of your questions. He's an AMAZING person, personality wise. I personally screwed around when I was young, and messed up in school etc. So I can't fault someone for learning the lessons the hard way, the way I did. My Mom says she wasted her youth too, and yet I made the same mistake, despite being told. Sometimes people have to suffer themselves.

The thing I realize is that I can't do everything for him. That's my OWN character flaw, not one he takes advantage of (he actually HATES it). When you like someone a lot, be it family, or significant other, you want to help them. A buddy of mine says it is co-dependency. Who knows, maybe it is ?

He wrote the letter, and is doing it all himself. We'll see what changes arise over the next little while. I'm strong enough to leave if I truly see no future. But sometimes people HONESTLY don't think their behaviour is a problem. You owe it to someone to at least warn them they are on thin ice. People deserve the opportunity to modify their behaviour.

We'll see how things go over the next little while. I think I shook him up a bit last night. I expect improvement.

Thanks everyone for all of your comments, I take them all to heart, and will keep all of your advice in my mind. Thank you thank you thank you!!

Native_texan
Member

08-24-2004

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 12:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
"You owe it to someone to at least warn them they are on thin ice. People deserve the opportunity to modify their behaviour."

Eeyore, that is true, but how often are you giving him these opportunities and how many opportunities are you giving him for the same behavior?

Take it from someone who has been a "caregiver/enabler" for her whole adult life. And I know that it mainly stems from my own self-esteem issues. I felt better about myself because I was with someone who had bigger problems than I did. It is a thankless job and there are very few rewards for it. I married two of my charges. The first one was an alcoholic/abuser I divorced after 9 years. The second is an abuser who blames everyone since childhood for his actions. I took his crap for 11 years before calling it quits last month. The biggest problem this time is that there is a 10-year-old boy whose having to live it also.

You need someone you see as an equal partner, not someone you have to babysit.

Eeyoreslament
Member

07-20-2003

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 1:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
*SIGH*

I feel like I've been misunderstood, and I was just trying to blow off steam. Really, my bf is a GREAT person. He is just young, and has some growing up to do. This situation is not as tragic as I think everyone thinks it is.

I think the situation would be tragic if I moved over there, supported him, gave up my life, etc. But I haven't done that. The relationship itself isn't bad. He is VERY NICE to me, and treats me like a queen. He has NEVER EVER EVER been abusive or mean to me. He asks for nothing really. He asked for help with the cover letter because I am good at things like that. Everything else in his life, he does not ask for help with. Those are his problems, and he doesn't want me to feel responsible for him. I was just mad because he asked me so late, and it was just him being lazy to bring it up sooner, or think about the grant sooner.

My relationship is SO GOOD in comparison to many on the board, and I feel bad for complaining about it, especially considering it is an isolated gripe, and not a continuing burden on me. I personally am not affected by his laziness, other than to be annoyed that someone is not as intense as I am. But I do not give up much of myself for someone else. That was my LAST relationship, and I learned from it.

My bf is currently sitting doing his letter on his own. He will send it to me before I leave for school, to proofread. That's all the help he is getting. He also knows things need to change, and I think they will. But I need to stress that he is young, and absolutely SHOULD be putzing around and learning from it. He's not some 47 year old unchangeable man that I've been with and am supporting, and feeding, and bathing, and all that jazz. We are actually fairly independent from each other.

So all in all, I'm OK, I just needed to gripe yesterday, when the situation was fresh. Anyone who knows me very well, knows I'm WAAAAAY too strong a person to put up with that crap, if it was affecting ME.

Thanks again to everyone who replied!! I really appreciate that everyone cared!! I take all of your advice seriously. Thank you all.

Llkoolaid
Member

08-01-2001

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 2:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
You know what kiddo, you seem to have the situation in hand, just know support is here if you need it. We all got to vent a little steam once in awhile, you should hear me go off on my dh sometimes but I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 2:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Unfortunately that's a consequence when you gripe round here, it tends to get taken 3 steps further than you originally intended it to lol.

Eeyoreslament
Member

07-20-2003

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 2:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
LOL, thank you all SOOOOOOOOOOOO much, and I will always appreciate the support I get, even if it is 3 steps too much. I'd rather someone care too much than not enough!! And I know TVCHers care too much!! Thank you all for being TVCHers!!

big kiss


Ladytex
Member

09-27-2001

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 4:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Glad you're working it out for yourself... and are strong enough to listen to all the well meaning advice and still do what's best for you.

Marysafan
Member

08-07-2000

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 5:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Personally, for what it's worth...I think you handled it very well. I like that you put it back on him. He didn't need you to do it for him, he just needed a little help with it.

So many times, I watch women assume the mother role and then wonder why their guys behave like little boys. Treat him like a man and he is more apt to act like one and be better off for it.

It's a hard line to walk.

Thumbs up Eyeore.

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Thursday, January 20, 2005 - 3:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
okay, i've got to gripe, and i've got to do it now while i'm still steaming.

today, i was reading an article off of msnbc about the movie "sideways". the title was "Wineries bask in their 'Sideways' cameos, A soupçon of fame; more visitors head to wine country"

the quote that got me totally riled up was this "Unlike the wine malls of Napa," WINE MALLS? there are less than 100,000 people that live in this picturesque valley, and we DO NOT have a wine mall. we have a small outlet store area. but no wine malls! most of the wineries in the napa valley are small boutique wineries, similar to the ones in the movie and talked about in the article. there are a few large wineries, but they have their own tasting rooms. even still, you will find shopping at our local Trader Joe's the Trefethen's or the Cakebreads of those wineries. it just irks me that people who haven't been here just categorize this valley because of its reputation for fine wines and as a beautiful spot to tourist, and have to put it down.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6845603/

okay, rant over.


Max
Member

08-12-2000

Thursday, January 20, 2005 - 3:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I hear ya, Landi. Stereotypes and assumptions suck.

And OOOOHH! Cakebread wines! I haven't had the pleasure in a long time. Yum! :-)

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Thursday, January 20, 2005 - 5:01 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
the Cakebread's are really nice people. one of the daughters went to school with my daughter. they don't live in any house different than what i do. yet people feel because they have a label at a grocery store, they're billionaires or something. just normal people.

Ginger1218
Member

08-31-2001

Thursday, January 20, 2005 - 5:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I am quite pissed off at Lowes Home Improvement Stores today. I ordered my tiles there, spent a lot of money and they were supposed to be delivered today. They called me last night and arranged to deliver it between 8am and 12 noon. I called the delivery service this morning and they said they would call me when they were a half hour away. I waited and waited and waited. Finally at 11:30 I called, and they said that Lowes never put it on the truck. So I called Lowes and spoke to quite a few morons and then a manager in delivery told me that these have to be put on a flat bed truck that is only sent out on Monday tuesday and wednesday. I flipped out. I told them I took off of work and lost $300 in pay for the day. So, they are sending it out on its own truck on Saturday morning. And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you. I just don't believe it. I am soooo angry.