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Archive through April 28, 2004

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2004 Nov. - 2005 Jan.: Parenting Place {ARCHIVES}: Struggling with Parenting, WWYD?: Archive through April 28, 2004 users admin

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Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 4:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Eliz, me too! Loner, big reader, loved activity books, and not a girly girl. Didn't have (or want) a single doll growing up. I had to laugh when a friend of mine convinced me to get my nails done for the *first* time in my life last September. And I'm no spring chicken!

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 4:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Jewels, my son is not much of a "player" either, though he is getting better. Only difference is, I WISH he'd watch TV! He is too active, throwing balls or taking all the cushions off the couches, etc.

How old is your son now? Ryan is 4 1/2, and he never played with little figures or anything til very recently. I think you shouldn't sweat it too much.

Maybe you could look into a preschool for next year and pretty soon Jenna will be old enough to kinda play with... Every kid is so unique. They go thru phases too. Maybe something like Leappad or Leapster would be good. Although they aren't too far away from a computer game...

Good luck. Try not to fret too much!

Eliz87
Member

07-30-2001

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 4:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Well Karuuna, re. feeling "jumped on", let me just say that when I posted about Reader's situation the other day, I wasn't really seeking a debate. I was trying to offer a different take on the topic and didn't really expect anyone to respond other than Reader. And at the time, I did feel that a few things you said came across as a little condescending (probably my imagination because I KNOW that I'm a little over-sensitive right now). Heck, I don't know what's "right" or "wrong" according to the "experts." I'm a stay-at-home mom with two small children just learning as I go along! :-) But, really, as it turns out, you had some interesting things to say, and I wasn't kidding when I told you that I admire you for being so well-versed on this subject. I'm glad you spoke up as you did manage to "turn the light on" for me in a couple of areas. Did you read my post in the "Things They Don't Tell..." thread today? I had a rough night with the kids and after the dust settled a little, I did sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" to my toddler and that DID seem to provide him with a little extra something to help cure him of his blues.

However, I was indeed "jumped on" (what a phrase -- GOSH!) in another thread today, and it wasn't my imagination because the person was actually modded. I'm always taken aback when that happens here anyway because this is such a friendly forum generally. But that person isn't a "regular" at TVCH, and I am fairly confident that although we members sometimes have very strong opinions and sometimes conversations can get a bit heated, of course none of us would ever intentionally hurt or slight someone with our posts.

Thank you for the additional information on Growing Child. I get a lot of offers in the mail for new parents (which is how I found your service by the way), and I had not heard of that one. I looked at the website and it seems that Growing Child would be a great addition to what I already subscribe to (Parents and BabyCenter), in that it might offer more practical, perhaps "hands-on" advice for the issues that come up from day to day. I love that it tracks your child's development from month to month.

Okay, I've rambled enough!!!! {{{EVERYONE}}}

Eliz87
Member

07-30-2001

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 4:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
LOL Karuuna, just saw your 4:48 post. That is too funny! Even on my wedding day, I was too busy getting the reception room just the way I wanted it (perfectionist) that I didn't get my hair done! My mother was reeling! LOL (But then, it didn't take much from me to set my mother reeling.) Thank goodness my husband loves me no matter what my hair looks like!

Reader234
Member

08-13-2000

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 8:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I"m going to have to reread these last posts... just wanted to pop in and see if Jewels was here... Love you Eliz and Karuuna, stories that we can share!! Eliz, talk about weddings, reminded me I ran from my mom, went to the church alone hours before anyone else showed up... Karuuna... we will talk... and soon!!! :-)

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 8:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Eliz, again let me apologize for whatever part I played in making you feel uncomfortable here. In all fairness, I did feel like I needed to stick up for my profession... so I guess we can all be a little sensitive when someone inadvertantly strikes a nerve. :-)

Message board posting is a little bit of a free for all, the way I see it. We all pretty much feel free to jump (there's that word again!) in on any conversation in any way. I think it does take a little toughening up.

Thanks for your kind words. FWIW, I did always think that you were a very caring person, I just disagreed with some of your comments, which to me is no biggie. I have dear friends from all perspectives and some of them I vehemently disagree with, and I don't love 'em one bit less.

I'm glad to hear you tried the singing thing... it really can be fun, as well as helpful. Altho my son likes to affectionately make fun of me for it now, it's one of our favorite shared joke/memories.

I'm also sorry someone jumped on you in another thread somewhere, and I'm glad it was taken care of. This is a great place, but things do get heated as you say, and sometimes feelings do get hurt. Like in a family or any community. I like to believe that for the most part, like families, we can find ways to reconnect and heal, even if there are hurt feelings sometimes.

Thanks for your post!

Reader, I will be seeing you very very soon! I'm so excited!


Jewels
Member

09-23-2000

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 8:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
First of all, I want to apologize to Texannie. I responded to you without thinking first. It's just that yours was the first post I read, and I read it as you were saying 'It didn't bother me, I just dealt with it.' It rubbed me the wrong way at the time, I am sorry I overeacted. ((HUG))

Reader, I probably am being to hard on myself, I'm a mom. I want my son to be happy and fulfilled and I feel as though I may have hindered that in someway. I keep questioning myself...Did I stimulate his brain enough when he was a baby? Do I not play with him enough? Have I said no to many times, that now he just doesn't want to do anything?

Karuuna, he's not an only child, I have a daughter that is 16 months old. Jake is going to be 4 on Sunday. He has gone to preschool all year and I really thought that would help him too, and it has in alot of ways, but not as much as I had hoped.

Eliz, thank you, I don't mind him being a loner if that is what he wants to do. He is very quiet, but so very bright it is baffling sometimes.

Julie, like I said, Jake is almost 4. (That seems unreal!) He does have a Leap Pad, but doesn't play with it much, I think it is because it's not as fun as his computer! He does like to play with Jenna, mostly he likes to tackle her. She is so much more active than him, I definitely have my hands full with her. She is in to things that he has never even touched. A totally different child. Gotta love her.

What bothers me most is that he can't ever think of anything to do on his own. I always have to come up with the ideas. Every single time he draws a picture he draws it of himself because that is what he drew the first day of school. It's like he correlates them together, if he is drawing it has to be a picture of himself, like that is the "right" answer. It just seems weird to me. And he does that with many things. Does that make sense? Is that normal? That is kind of what I was talking about when I asked about jumpstarting him imagination.

Like Eliz, I am just a stay-at-home mom learning as I go along. I really appreciate all of your input. It has made me feel a little better. I guess I will just have to settle on having the next Bill Gates. (God forgid Jake get dirt on his hands, he finger paints with a paint brush!)

Eliz87
Member

07-30-2001

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 9:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Jewels, I really don't have any advice on this, but I can't help commenting that your little boy sounds like such a character! I must admit that I'm a little slaphappy right now, but I LOVE the fact that he draws pictures only of himself, plays with you only to appease you, and only after you have come up with the ideas for the activity. I mean, isn't that adorable really...and funny? I know you're worried about it, and I'm sorry to make light of it when you're concerned, but he just sounds so great! Like he's thinking, "Yeah, maybe if I do what she wants for now then she'll let me get back to my television/video game/computer!" He is going to be very ornery (in a good way) when he gets older, I do believe. And then there's Jenna...just taking it all in...taking it in stride. Your kids sound really wonderful, Jewels. I hope somebody can answer your questions.

Funny that you mention the thing about the hands. Tommy is the same way with his hands -- if he gets even a crumb on his hand, he comes over to me so that I can flick it off. And I don't know where he gets it. It's certainly not as if I chase after him wish a washcloth all the time. For his first birthday, I got him his own little cake (like most parents do), and not one bit of it went into his hair or anywhere on his face. It went into his mouth in neat tiny little bites. And then he was pissed that some of the icing got on his fingers. LOL Yet he can mess up a room in 30 seconds flat without blinking an eye! It's true...you gotta love 'em!

And one more thing...you said that your son loves to watch television. Well, when the television is on, I don't dare interrupt Tommy during the commercials. There's just something about the commercials that grabs ALL of his attention -- especially the pharmaceutical and automobile commercials. Does your son do this too?

Jewels
Member

09-23-2000

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 9:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I guess it is kind of cute, I never really thought about it that way, but it gets really old!

Tommy sounds just like Jake, and I didn't chase him around with a washcloth either! It is so strange. Jake was the same way with his birhhday cake. We ended up feeding it to him with a fork after he sat there forever! LOL! Jenna, on the other hand, was covered head to toe! She dove in, it has hilarious.

When he watches tv, he only watches PBS. We don't have cable, thank goodness, could you imagine the problems I would have then? We used to laugh at him though because when he was a baby and we would have the tv on he was like that with the commercials. Totally mesmerized. The best one was the theme song to Star Trek Voyager, he completely zoned on that and would come running into the room (actually, I guess he was crawling at that point) whenever it was on, weird.

Kids are great aren't they? I just love them so much, I want to make sure I am a good parent and give them a good foundation. They are amazing little creatures. Jake told me today my new name is Mommy Salami. He calls his sister Jenna Bananna. I asked him what daddy's new name was, he said Daddy Diner. Huh?

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 9:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Jewels, I would just really say, try to be patient. What you're describing isn't that unusual. He is only four-ish.

I remember when my son was that age, I worried myself sick that he never played by himself. That I had somehow spoiled him by being too attentive. Now he's 9, and he's fine playing by himself, and I miss him! :-)

Keep introducing him to other activities. He'll catch on just fine, I'm sure. What you describe about his rigidness about doing the same activity the same way is really a very normal learning pattern for some kids. He'll branch out when he's ready. You can encourage, but I wouldn't push at this point. And most of all, try not to worry. You're really not describing anything terribly disturbing, from a developmental standpoint.

I doubt there are many mothers out there that haven't worried that they did the wrong thing, or not enough, or too much, or whatever. Actually what it shows is that you are a very good mother, to care so very much.

I hope that helps reassure you!

Jewels
Member

09-23-2000

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 9:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Thank you Karuuna! It does help me very much, I really appreciate it.

Nightowl
Member

08-16-2000

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 11:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Okay, I really hope that one of you has some advice for my little wierdo. Like Jewels, I am beginning to get worried about my son's obsession....the vacuum. Not just my vacuum, any vacuum. It started when he was about 16 months old and I noticed him standing in the middle of the living room floor, holding one hand out in front of him and rocking back and forth from one foot to the other. Picture yourself in vacuuming stance, pulling the vacuum back and forth...that's what he was doing. I thought it was so cute and started letting him help push the vacuum when I used it. Then at 18 months my sister bought him one of those toy Dirt Devil vacuums for Christmas, and when we got home and put batteries in it, he literally spent the next two hours vacuuming my living room with it. It got so bad that my husband and I put the toy vacuum away for part of the day because otherwise he would use it non-stop for hours on end. He finally wore that one out and it broke so DH and I bought him a new vacuum and I have to admit I upgraded to the next level...the now one has attachments and is "bagless" HA!

To make a long story short....he is now almost three and the obsession is getting progressively more wierd. For example, anytime I am reading a magazine or sales ad or store flyer, he immediately stops what he is doing and comes over to ask "Find the vacuums in there?" Any time we go to anyone's house he walks in the front door and asks where the vacuum is and if he sees it he will talk about it for the next half an hour, I end up asking the host to put it in another room. We were at Walmart the other day and cut down an aisle in the toy department when halfway down the aisle my son starts to yell "Stop mommy, we go that way" and points back the way we came. Puzzled I back-tracked and lo and behold there was one toy vacuum in a box on the shelf. He has even started to "plug" the vacuum into the wall. Pretending, of course!! He even says "I peetend plug it in Mommy." Anytime I say that we are going to a relative's house the first words out of his mouth are "I see *insert person's name* vacuum."

There are so many more instances that I cannot recall all of them....even my sister who works for CPS and has studied child development is starting to wonder. I know I am probably over reacting but it might be nice to hear other moms say so.

BTW, I usually only get on the computer every other day or so but I really look forward to finding out what y'all have to say.


Carrie92
Member

09-15-2003

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 11:31 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Nightowl, when I was a kid, my little brother had the same "obsession" when he was about 3. My parents bought him one of those Bissell non-motorized vacs (like they use in restaurants) for Christmas and he just loved it. They loved it too, they hardly ever had to vaccuum! But, it didn't last long, he grew out of it and is now a total slob!
I wonder if other kids go through this same phase, why else would they have toy vacs nowadays?

Nightowl
Member

08-16-2000

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 11:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Carrie - I keep telling myself that he would outgrow this too, but it has been over a year and a half since this started. I encouraged him at first but recently it seems like every other conversation I have with him is about vacuums. And I admit that it could be worse...I mean he does not sleep with it and he doesn't ask to bring it with him when he go places...but I do get strange looks from people when we go to the doctor's office and he asks where the vacuum is!! lol

Reader234
Member

08-13-2000

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 4:09 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Nightowl, did you ever see Johnny Carson? or maybe it was the Tonight show... anyway... CRS may claim half my brain..BUT I DO remember this... there was a kid with a vacuum cleaner COLLECTION!! He couldnt have been more than 8 or 9, and his parents just went with his 'obsession' he had from a very early age....

So, I just thought what clever parents, not trying to change their son, but they encouraged his obsession!! So I dont think your son is weird at all (I will admit rock collections are mighty easier to store... we have rocks EVERYWHERE all sizes, shapes and colors!! and of course books to go along with that too!!)

Jewels...and I quote here


quote:

I am just a stay-at-home mom





ummmm am I the only one that whipped my head back and said "excuse me?

Whatever choices we as women make, do not downplay it... you are not just a stay at home mom... you are doing the greatest job there is!!

AND I love what Kar posted

quote:

I doubt there are many mothers out there that haven't worried that they did the wrong thing, or not enough, or too much, or whatever. Actually what it shows is that you are a very good mother, to care so very much.




Thank you Karuuna!!



Ddr
Member

08-19-2001

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 4:42 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Nightowl, my son had an obsession about opening and closing doors when he was a baby. He'd spend hours opening and closing the door. Open, close. Open, close. Open, close. At one point, my mother wanted to buy him one of those mockup store displays of a door for Christmas. He outgrew it. Don't worry.

That's a great idea of the non motorized Bissel vac, you'd never have to vacuum again!

Enbwife
Member

08-14-2000

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 5:50 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I just read through this thread and there's so much valuable info here.
Jewels - I agree with Texannie about the 1-2-3 Magic book. I found it very useful and use the techniques with Nate who's 20 mths old. It's good. There's a video too which explains it and it's good for kids of all ages although little ones it's harder because they don't quite get it.

The issue I'm having lately is I find Nate is now starting to put up a fight on almost everything. Getting dressed, getting undressed, having his diaper changed, getting his coat on, you name it. Everything is such a challenge all of a sudden. I can't complain because he is such a sweet boy and generally plays really well by himself and with other kids, will watch a video if I need to make dinner, is affectionate and funny, I could go on and on. I'm just not sure what to do with him when he starts resisting. ALSO, it seems that every day lately, I pick him up from daycare (I work 4 days a week), play in the park, rush home so I can make dinner, and he's sooooo fussy. He hangs off my legs, throws himself on the ground crying, generally is just so unhappy. I know it partly has to do with coming inside because he loves being outside, and also being hungry although there's no way I could get dinner in to him before 5:30. Neil's working crazy long hours so he's usually not home by then so it's just the two of us.

I'm going to buy the Growing Child book. I'm sure there will be useful info and I know this is all part of him growing up and exercising his own will. It's just frustrating sometimes.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 6:02 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Jewels, Thank you. My point that I very inadequately tried to make, was sort of the irony that my teenager has the same behavior now as when he was a toddler, and how I was better at not letting him yank my chain then.
I think alot of it are the kids' natures. My son has always been very low maintenance. When he was first born, my dh lived in a different city and we only saw him on weekends. He could entertain himself for hours even as a small baby. I used to worry that my ds was so low maintenance because he figured out that I couldn't always meet his needs. He has lots of friends but rarely calls them. They do all the calling. He's very content with his own company. My daughter on the other hand, has always been very high maintenance. She didn't really learn how to entertain herself until maybe 5 or so. She will be walking a friend to the car after having a sleepover that started the previous afternoon asking me out of the side of her mouth, if she can invite someone else over. I used to worry with her that I catered too much to her that she never learned to entertain herself!!!
See..we always worry that we are somehow screwing up our kids!! LOL

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 6:21 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Enbwife, have you tried giving choices "do you want to dress yourself? or do you want me to dress you?" Could you give him a snack in the car after you pick him up to eat on the way to the park?
Another really could resource is Love and Logic.
http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Wargod
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 8:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Oh Enbwife, been there with the grumpiness! Dakota still gets grumpy as soon as she gets hungry. I now take a healthy snack (fruit, carrot sticks, crackers) everywhere we go, even if its just a quick run to the store because I never know when its going to hit her. There's usually not enough to ruin her appetite if its close to a meal and if she eats a little less I figure at least it was a healthy snack.

Kimmo
Member

05-02-2003

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 10:29 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Lisa, I just went through that stage with Rowan (we are just getting over it). He refused to do everything, but you know he is just testing you. It is so hard when you cannot "make accommodations" when you have to go to work/ school! And they are so strong. If I had to physically force Rowan to get dressed, I couldn't do it. Sometimes I felt so hopeless.

Texannie and Wargod, I agree about the choices and snacks! We have a banana or waffle on the drive home from school.

There were 2-3 days where I thought we would have to take Rowan to school in a onesie. One day DH took over and dressed him, which was a total battle, and I think made Rowan realize he woudl always have to get dressed and that he preferred me helping him in the morning.

A following day he completely refused to get dressed and DH was not home, so I took a big bag and explained, "If you don't get dressed at home, I will put your clothes in this bag and someone will dress you at school. Do you want to get dressed here or at school?" He got dressed after that.

Since those "breakthroughs," I think the biggest key is to give two choices (with the same ultimate outcome), and when he starts fighting, to just repeat matter-of-factly, "It's time for [this to happen]." I can't believe how easily Rowan complies when I do that! It feels like he just literally is testing and is very happy/ satisfied when I put my foot down. He then turns to do what we're supposed to and says, "Okay!"

Enbwife
Member

08-14-2000

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 12:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
We always give choices - do you want to wear this shirt, or this one? do you want mommy to dress you or can you do it? but he's only 20 months and his favourite word is "NO" to everything, even if he means yes.... urghhhh... sooooo frustrating! I hate starting our day with a big battle to get him dressed and to daycare on time. Yuck! Sometimes if I sing silly songs and do silly movements while dressing him it works. I'll also try the crackers in the stroller on the way home from daycare and see if that helps with the trantrums while I'm trying to fix dinner. I know he's just testing us and he'll come out of it eventually. And some days are better than others which is good. :-)

Kimmo
Member

05-02-2003

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 2:31 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I forgot about the saying "No" all the time...That happened to us a couple months ago. I would often phrase questions so that when Rowan said "No," it was something that made sense as opposed to just being contrary, such as, "Do you like being yelled at?"

Then when he'd yell "No" again, I'd say something like, "That's right, it's not nice to yell at people," etc. Then he would think about it and seemed realize that "No" did not mean the same thing every time, so that it wouldn't "work" the way he thought it did and should try something different/that made sense.

Kimmo
Member

05-02-2003

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 2:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Lisa, I also didn't mean to suggest you weren't giving choices or that was "the answer"-- So I'm sorry if I came off that way. I also struggled with giving choices. I just wanted to mention that the key for me seemed to be giving a finite limit for how long he could decide and if he chose not to decide (throw a tantrum), then it was just time to get dressed.

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 - 3:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
NightOwl, the question I would ask is if your child is functioning normally along other developmental steps. Obsessive behavior is most usually an interesting personality quirk, but in some cases it can be an indication of something else that may need medical evaluation and intervention.

Some things to explore:

Is he comfortable with eye contact? And does he smile back at you when you smile at him?

Does he play with other children? Three year olds don't often engage in cooperative play, however they generally are comfortable playing side by side with other children.

Does he become upset if you restrict his vacuum cleaner usage? Angry or aggressive? More anxious?

Does he engage in other repetitive kinds of movements or rituals?

Does he seem overly sensitve in terms of tolerating noise, light, or tactile sensations?

Does he sleep well and soundly thru the night?

If he has some of these other issues, then I would be more concerned. However, if he seems to be developing normally along other lines, I would just continue to observe it and not fret too very much.

If he does have some of these other issues, please let me know and I can provide a bit more guidance. You can feel free to Email me as well, my Email addy is in my profile!