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Archive through August 23, 2007

The TVClubHouse: Big Brother 8 ARCHIVES: Big Brother 8 - Part 10: Dick and Daniele.. Relationship Success or Disaster?: Archive through August 23, 2007 users admin

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Swannanoa
Member

07-09-2007

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 1:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Swannanoa a private message Print Post    
I don't think any of us can speak for either side. IMO, they are both at fault for the mess of their relationship. It isn't all Dani or all Dick. It takes two to make it work. I think Dani loves her father and I think he loves her. I just don't think they know how to bridge the resentment and frustration without counseling. And if she isn't willing to go, it won't work.

The counselor would have to lay ground rules down to keep each of them from pointing the finger, shouting, being vile, etc. I just don't give either of them a break because I see how they use each other up. And to me, that is the sad part of this.

Jenhavins
Member

08-23-2000

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 1:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jenhavins a private message Print Post    
Agreed Swannanoa!

Sunshyne4u
Member

06-17-2003

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 1:34 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Sunshyne4u a private message Print Post    
i think everyone loves their family but you also can not LIKE them.

Love seems to be inherent(?) and often 'just there' but doesnt mean that you actually LIKE the person's company or want to spend time with them.

i also think it is possible to love and hate someone simultaneously. I think many recently divorced people can understand my comment.

Cricket
Member

08-05-2002

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 2:08 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cricket a private message Print Post    
Disaster that's also made this year's BB a disaster no matter how CBS tries to spin it. Reading that the words 'integrity of the game' came out of Dick's mouth is like a slap in the face to the viewers who actually expected to watch a game unfold this year.

Rosem4243
Member

06-27-2005

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 2:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rosem4243 a private message Print Post    
Actually, I resent the fact that we, the viewers, even wind up discussing this extremely personal matter between father and daughter. We can't possibly know what occurred between them, yet it's shoved in our faces every day and on every show.

I just wish they'd give me back my BB with 12 strangers trying to get along, and getting to know each other on an even playing field.

BB is supposed to be FUN, and they turned it into 'dysfunction junction'.

Onlyhuman
Member

08-04-2001

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 4:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Onlyhuman a private message Print Post    
Sunshyne, I completely agree with you about being able to love and still not LIKE your family. Been there, am doing that.

As a counselor, I also agree that, at this point, counseling is not going to be a successful venture for them. If two people come in to counseling believing that they are right and wanting the other person to change, no amount of rules about fair fighting and communicating can change people who don't want to look at their own behavior.

Rosem, ultimately I agree with you about wanting strangers in the house. The fact that these two have become such an issue in the house is quite annoying.

Tappy
Member

08-22-2007

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 4:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Tappy a private message Print Post    
They deserve each other.

Cricket
Member

08-05-2002

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 5:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cricket a private message Print Post    
As a counselor, I also agree that, at this point, counseling is not going to be a successful venture for them. If two people come in to counseling believing that they are right and wanting the other person to change, no amount of rules about fair fighting and communicating can change people who don't want to look at their own behavior.

Very interesting, Onlyhuman. Too bad Alison G. didn't check with you (or any counselor) before she tried this little trick. I, too, don't ever see them being close. It's too late.

Carmil
Member

07-17-2005

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 6:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Carmil a private message Print Post    
My prediction: If Dick wins the game, he'll share his winnings with Dani and Vincent. If Dani wins the game, it'll be "Adios Daddy"... and she won't give him the time of day, let alone a penny of her winnings. (I'm not judging whether she should share her winnings or not, just believe that she would not).

I do believe they both have issues that are beyond us to even begin analyzing without ALL the facts. In the end, I don't think their relationship will be healed until Dani gets older and starts having a family of her own. I also believe that the fact that Dani does not speak to her grandmother, brother and mother, speaks volumes about her.

Onlyhuman
Member

08-04-2001

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 6:57 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Onlyhuman a private message Print Post    
Cricket, I don't think Alison was looking to solve family problems, she was looking for drama.

There are many ways this could have gone and they are all ratings winners. If Dani or Dick were actively working to get each other out, it would be great family drama, since no one knows more buttons and sore spots than family. But this whole "rocker with a heart of gold" is also a ratings winner.

In the end, the house is about ratings, not about the game, about people, or even about a father and daughter. The only ones that will come out of this season happy are the ones who walk away with some money, and the producers, who get the show they've always wanted. They've let the inmates run the asylum to get it, but you know they aren't losing any sleep over it.

Rslover
Member

11-19-2002

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 7:30 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rslover a private message Print Post    
At the onset of the show, Dani commented that her father was like a "mean friend". All of his actions in the house seem to have only reinforced that statement. Does Dani act cold towards him? Yes. Does she seem spoiled, at times? Yes. Can I blame her? No. ED as a fatherly figure is an oxymoron He acts like a dysfunctional child who does not want to grow up. Afraid he will lose his much sought after and needed attention. He may sporadically attempt to act fatherly, but he just can't cut it. He overrides that ability with the rest of his talk & actions - which just happens to be the other 23 hours of the day.

What kind of self-respecting father talks to his daughter in the manner that he does? He talks to Dani like she is one of his pals. He acts very misogynistic with his sexist and demeaning talk....all the vile things he has said about Jen, the other house guests, how he proudly cheated on both wives, how a woman peaks at 30...the list is endless. I feel, being in such close proximity with him, has only exaggerated what an embarrassment he can be to her.

ED is who he is. I'm sure Dani knows that she cannot change him. If he really wanted to amend their relationship, he could have respected some of her wishes - not repeating what she has said in private, possibly toning his actions and mouth down. I'm sure Dani would have appreciated less cursing, spitting, etc. They say kids want their parent to be the parent - the mature one who gives guidance. Has she reinforced some of his ridiculous comments? Most definitely, but I think that is because she has no other way to bond with him. I think their whole relationship is an enigma to her and she just doesn't know what role he may be playing at the moment. It's almost like a defense mechanism.

I feel for Dani for I fear she yearns for something that will never be there. I will be surprised if this has not estranged them even more.

Spygirl
Board Administrator

04-23-2001

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 7:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Spygirl a private message Print Post    
As a therapist, if I waited for people to come to therapy ready to own mistakes and make necessary changes, I'd never have any clients! The majority of people I work with present believing they are right and someone else is wrong and they should not have to make any changes themselves.

Good therapy works inspite of that, IMO.


Boberg
Member

10-04-2002

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 7:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Boberg a private message Print Post    
Rslover very good post.

Dick has tried his best to turn this into the "Jerry Springer Show" where you air your dirty laundry in public. To my great relief, Dani has refused to allow it to happen as much as possible. For her sake, I am very thankful she has been so wise about restricting the info she puts out there for all to hear.

Hiyall
Member

07-06-2005

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 9:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hiyall a private message Print Post    
There also has to come a time in your life when you are willing to forgive your parents for whatever wrongs they've done and accept them for who they are or choose not to. I don't think she's ready for that forgiving part yet, but I don't think she really wants to cut all ties with him either.

I agree with whoever said she liked him enough to sign up for this show....after all that has been said I don't believe for one minute they didn't know the other was going to be in the house. Danielle seems very manipulative to me...in the ways that she is really nice to her Dad when she needs him (I can only go by what I see in the house) and then basically giving him the silent treatment when she doesn't. Very immature still...she'll grow up one day.

Danielle is very immature in her thinking...especially when it comes to her dad. Dick seems to me like one of those parents who just want to forget all that happened in the past and say "well I'm here for you now".

While Dick can't just expect Danielle to forgive and forget the past, Danielle can't expect Dick to have the ability to change the past, or spend the rest of his life apologizing.

Govols
Member

07-19-2005

Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 12:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Govols a private message Print Post    
Spy~I agree. It's never too late. Never, never, never.
Started therapy at 30 and it helped me w/most things I didn't think I needed help with. Also, helped the relationship w/my father.
I wish Dr. Phil could have them for a day.

Sunshyne4u
Member

06-17-2003

Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 2:43 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Sunshyne4u a private message Print Post    
i think the 'end all' of all fights happened tonight. Dani finally didnt stay clammed up.

I'll say no more.

Find youtube and watch to make your own decision.

dick doesnt have a chance IMHO. poor guy

Dbald
Member

08-04-2007

Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 5:42 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dbald a private message Print Post    
i couldn't find the youtube video but would have love to seen dani in an argument that didnt consist with her repeating its not fair, its so frustrating and you don't understand...seems to be all she says when confronted by anyone right before she walks out not allowing a reply. if anyone could direct me to that video i would love it...thanks

Shopstomuch
Member

07-09-2007

Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 5:50 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Shopstomuch a private message Print Post    
Dick may exhibit horrible behavior at times, however I do see him at least trying very very hard to communicate w/ her and admitting over and over he screwed up w/ this or that. He is always the one coming to lap at her feet for forgiveness for the slightest infraction. Yes, he is the father, however when a child becomes an "adult" they do have to start taking some ownership for their actions. This is a horribly compressed living situation to be in. I do see that Dick would love going to some family counseling, but Dani's childish, it's all about me attitude just is not going there.

I respectfully disagree w/ an earlier poster... most people going to counseling always think "their side" is the right side. If they were open minded and not of that mindset would there even be a problem? A good counselor teaches people how to communicate effectively thereby opening up some lines of communication. Having went to a few marriage counselors, I have seen the good and bad. Most every family disagreement is that each party does think they are right. I do think it was a huge mistake on BB's part to cast these two like this and horribly wrong in every way.

Tappy
Member

08-22-2007

Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 5:57 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Tappy a private message Print Post    
Did they ever come out and say what happened for them to be estranged for so many years ?

I read on another board that Dick has a rap sheet- so maybe it was they way he lived his life at the time. I think having a father like Dick would be very hard. Makes me thankful for my own Dad and his goofy Dad ways.

Earthmother
Member

07-14-2002

Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 5:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Earthmother a private message Print Post    
I think it's good because when viewing the show Dani may see that she has contributed to the problem. I don't think she sees that she is as much a part of what's gone wrong as she thinks her dad has. They need more than time together to fix what's broken and to be honest until Dani grows up she probably won't even really try. She has no concept of what a family is. She's basing it on her friend's family which I'm sure if she is truthful with herself has problems too. Dani tends to absolve herself from a lot of what's wrong in her life. She is so hurt about Chris and yet she flaunts Nick in his face. She doesn't grasp how that makes the other person feel. I see her head in the sand logic to her father as well. These two have made head-way in this relationship even if they don't know it. Any communication is better than none.

Mssas
Member

08-04-2006

Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 6:42 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mssas a private message Print Post    
Below is just one of the things I saw from the Live Feeds Thread as she was talking to Amber.

******Dani: I know you all know he follows me around and wants to be around all the time. What do you do when you for your own deep deep reasons don't want that man around. He did horrible deep deep things to me, and I'm sorry I'm not thick skinned, and he acts like everything is not a big deal, and going from that to seeing this man every day and acting like we're best friends! Give me a break! It's too much!
He always makes it like I'm being such a horrible person to me, telling me I treat him like cr*p.*****


One can only imagine what those Horrible Horrible things he did were. It kind of makes it hard to have compassion for a man after seeing him in action. I'm sure she's very embarrassed by the treatment he's given most of these house guest. I know I would be.

Beffylou
Member

04-21-2005

Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 6:45 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Beffylou a private message Print Post    
Without going into detail on why I went into therapy, I will say this: I totally believed I was the victim in everything and couldn't see how I contributed to the problems. I had an EXCELLENT therapist who would gently get me to laugh at myself and see how I could react differently and therefore change the reactions I was getting. And saying that, I was the victim in the reason I went to therapy, but I didn't have to be a victim in life and in how I decided to live it. I was 27 when I finally decided to take that step. And I just don't see Dani ready to take that step yet. But from the way she has handled things, I have great hope that she will. The question then may be, will Dick be willing to step up too when Dani is ready.

Spunky
Member

10-08-2001

Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 8:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Spunky a private message Print Post    
It's a vicious circle, Dani will always repraoch her father with things done to her in the past and that she doesn't know her or understand her and he'll keep yelling at her either out of guilt or frustration. That doesn't lead you anywhere.

Sometimes children and parents are better off separated, or keep a cold distant relationship.
Everyone will be better off.
It's only when they become grandparents that the need to see their children's children will be too painful and there may be hope for a reconciliation but I doubt in this case.

What555456
Member

06-14-2005

Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 9:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send What555456 a private message Print Post    
Good lord! Dani's only 21! For goodness sake. She is far from mature enough or far enough away from Dick's abusing her to be able to handle this any other way.

Give her another 10 years, minimum, then maybe she'll be far enough away from the abuse to deal with it.

Of course, this ain't gonna happen if Dick keeps trying to get his 15 minutes of fame by dragging her in front of TV cameras to resolve the problems he has caused.

Napa1526
Member

07-14-2007

Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 9:08 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Napa1526 a private message Print Post    
I agree, I think they BOTH have their faults; however, I think Dick is the ONLY one who will admit he was wrong about a lot of things and is really trying to move forward. Dani just won't let go of the past and seems to just walk away when confronted with things she has done. She's young and I do feel that when she is a little older she may see things a little differently. You can't change the past....hate is NOT a good way to live....it really hardens a person...so the only way this situation will be resolved is if they start fresh and quit bringing up the past. It can't be changed....no matter how much you talk about it...it still happened....so move forward and start fresh. NOBODY likes to have their mistakes thrown in their face REPEATEDLY....it only causes more problems and causes people to just say screw it and give up. I really hope they do work things out before it is too late. Speaking as a person who has been there....once you've lost a parent you can't bring them back....and then you realize how much time you missed by holding so tightly to the past.