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Lancecrossfire
Animoderator
07-13-2000
| Wednesday, July 20, 2011 - 10:48 pm
In the Animal Farm area my persona is that of a Satyr--half got and half man. Satyrs love beer and naked women. In the Animal Farm area we try to keep a good sense of humor about the shows we all watch. We play games with the reality shows revolving around said humor. I offer my latest effort. If folks don't like it or find it offensive, I'll remove the thread completely. I wanted to post it in case anyone might of as odd of a sence of humor as I do.
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Lancecrossfire
Animoderator
07-13-2000
| Wednesday, July 20, 2011 - 10:49 pm
Attention--your regularly scheduled programming is being interrupted for this important Big Brother interview! I am here on a surprise special assignment that only I could cover. I will be interviewing Adam while he’s here in the house. (Translation: I got stuck with this when the person originally scheduled to do it suffered a massive nervous breakdown and ended up in the mental ward. Everyone else but me heard about it and either bugged out on fake special assignments or took the day off. As I was the only one left in the office, I got pegged. I’ll be getting even with every one of those ratbastards who wasn’t willing to tell me so I could leave too.) Goat: Adam, you are 39 years old; the second oldest hamster…errr, I mean house guest. At 41 Shelly is the only one older. How are you liking being in the house with so many younger folks that are almost kids in age? Adam: It’s a lot different than what I’m used to. Most of the people I know talk about completely different subjects and look at the world quite a bit differently. (Translation: Holy shit these people idiots! I know people in comas who have scored higher on an IQ test. I have a cousin who is a low grade moron, and he has more going for him than this group of younger people. If they were any shallower as humans they’d be the lowest member of the food chain and should be replaced with rats. The people in my life feel that they should contribute to society—these idjits think everything should just be handed to them without having to earn anything. If more people were like them, we’d be back in the Stone Age because the world would have been sucked dry of anything of use) Goat: I notice Adam that you don’t interact as much with them as they do with each other. As a matter of fact it seems like you are almost not there. How do you explain this?? Adam: I feel like we don’t have much in common—kind of like I’m the odd man out. I’m trying to figure out a way to better relate to them. (Translation: Why in the wide, wide world of sports should I bother? I got put in here as cannon fodder just like every older person has been after BB1. They don’t want to even hear anything of substance and they have caused me to become almost brain frozen, so I’m stunned and just can’t do much until I experience actual life.) Goat: I understand what you are saying Adam. There is quite a bit of difference in how you deal with the real world. (Translation: I completely agree with your translation and feel bad that they aren’t the cannon fodder.) Goat: Being a Satyr one of my true loves is beer—good beer. You look exactly like the beer maker they show on the Samuel Adams commercials. Do you ever hear that comparison? Adam: Samuel Adams?? Who is he or it?? Never heard of it before. (Translation: Holy jumping up and down Martha you Goatnuts! Are you trying to ruin me even faster than that Groddner freak is trying to do? I don’t want anyone in the house to know about that, or they will boot me out immediately AND want free beer forever. Keep your damn mouth shut and I’ll make it worth your while.) Goat: Sorry Adam, my mistake. (Translation: I love your beer and have tremendous respect for you. I won’t say anything more about you being that guy.) Goat: You are in a house that has the comforts that most don’t have. You get free food and free alcohol. Can it get any better than that even if you are playing a game that involves voting people out of the house? (Translation: Is the easy life worth selling your soul and throwing away any dignity you had?) Adam: While we are given lots of creature comforts the game and all the cameras makes it harder than it looks from outside the house. (Translation: Are you shitting me? The food they give us is for the most part low grade dog food that still has marks where the jockey was whipping it. Free alcohol?? Get a grip Goat. They give us “beer” that basically tastes like someone set a bottle of water next to a real bottle of beer, left it there for 3 minutes and whatever osmosis took place provides the only beer flavor that exists in the bottle. And the commercial many years ago where Orson Wells says “we will serve no wine before its time"? Well these cheap jerk offs serve us nothing but wine that hasn’t even started time yet. It would be ironic if his ghost came back and killed every one of them with bottles of Paul Masson wine? I almost want voted out just to avoid possible ptomaine poisoning.) . Goat: I remember in your BB bio that you had lots of positive things to say about Rachel and the way she looks. Has it been tough remembering your girlfriend and not going after Rachel? Adam: While she is indeed a stunning looking woman, I’ve been able to keep my girlfriend freshly in my mind at all times. Drifting toward Rachel’s charms has not been an issue. (Translation: Ok, while she is really hot looking, as soon as she does anything or speaks even one word she becomes one of the most unattractive woman I’ve known in my entire life! I have no clue how Brendon can stand to have her as his woman. Either she has pictures of him with farm animals and has threatened to spread them to the public if he leaves her, or she gives the best oral sex in the world, or he has a fetish of being continually tortured. There isn’t any amount of anything that could make me want to spend even one night in the same bed as her.) Goat: Is there anything you’d like the people who watch the feeds and watch the show to know about you or the experience called Big Brother? Adam: Nothing about me, as I’m just a regular guy. As far as the audience, please remember that unless you have the feeds you don’t see much at all that goes on. (Translation: Everyone who said they produce the TV show to fit who they like and don’t like were dead on. You might as well watch Road Runner cartoons to see what really goes on here. As far as the live feeds, I have to wonder what CBS shows on the feeds and what they don’t show. I’m betting they don’t show any of the DR sessions where they try to manipulate you on how you play and what you say each and every day. This piece of shit show is a bigger sham than Tiger Wood’s marriage was.) Goat: Adam, I appreciate the condor you have shown in your answers and your thoughts on everything. (Translation: You poor schmuck! I feel really bad for you. Clearly these losers are sucking the life out of you. Adam: You are very welcome. Thanks for your interesting questions today and a bit of time away from the game. (Translation: Get me the hell out of here! Hide me in a pocket—anything to sneak me out. I’ll keep you in good beer the rest of your life! Help me please!! I’m begging.) Goat: That’s it for today folks. I say good-bye to Adam and want to remind you that anything is possible concerning more interviews. Good night to all of you Big Brother fans everywhere! (Translation: I’m sorry I can’t help you Adam. I’m not happy about having to stand by and watch them slowly and painfully suck the life right out of you. I’m guessing there will be lots more of these interviews, given this show sucks more than any other BB show to date. I’m going to ask to take the next 2 months off for vacation, but I’m concerned my boss will turn me down and make me do every one of these because everyone in the office is going to bribe him with a month’s pay if they don’t have to do a single one of these interviews. I’ll get them all!).
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Thursday, July 21, 2011 - 4:57 am
Mrs. Norris pushes her glasses down on her eyes, picks up her steno pad, and reaches for her sharp fountain pen..... Rachel, sitting across from the bespeckled owl-like woman, begins to fidget.... (You all can add to it..LOL)
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Thursday, July 21, 2011 - 5:21 am
LOL!!! love it!
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Thursday, July 21, 2011 - 7:23 am
Mrs. Norris: ahem.. How exactly do you spell your name? Rachel: It's spelled (eye roll) with one, "a". Mrs. Norris: How odd! Do you ever have people question it? Rachel: Nooo.. ((looks around impatiently) Mrs. Norris: Now I've always thought it was spelled Rachael. Do you find it annoying to keep correcting people? Rachel: No! Why not ask me a real question? Who cares about my name! Mrs. Norris: My dear young lady, the proper spelling of a name is most important. ((rapid writing on the note pad)) Rachel: I need a drink. Listen lady, I don't get why you don't ask me about my boyfriend or my reality show! My name is f... spelled the right way! Mrs. Norris: No need to get hostile. ((more rapid writing)) Now with our name, do you ever find people calling you Rashell? Rachel: Look lady I'm leaving. NO, I'm not called Rashell! ((getting even more impatient and looking around)) Where's Brendan? I have to get out of here! Where's the bushes? Mrs. Norris: Brendan? Shouldn't that be Brandan? Why ever would he ..... Rachel: That's it!! I'm so outta here! ((Rachel stomps off)) Mrs. Norris continues to write in her steno. Rachael is a rude young woman with no manners. Story coming soon...
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